graduation
Closing walls and ticking clocks
I love Coldplay’s song “Clocks” - it’s one of my recent favorites. Have any of you heard it? You can listen to a sample here. The lyrics and melody are lovely, and there are certain lines that shimmer for me. One of those comprises the title for this entry, and some others are:
Come out of things unsaid
Shoot an apple off my head
And a trouble that can’t be named
A tiger’s waiting to be tamed…
Come back and take you home
I could not stop that you now know…
Home, home, where I wanted to go…
It probably doesn’t make much sense unless you hear it. I’m not even sure what the song means. But I started listening to it a few weeks before graduation, and for me, it really captures this time in my life, all the little pieces of beauty, longing, and uncertainty. I’m trying to pick up the pieces right now, frantically fitting them together. And then I stop and realize, it’s okay that everything has scattered, lying around my feet. I’ll bend to pick it up, but maybe I won’t try to force a pattern just yet.
Commencement Picture and Thanks
Hey look, it’s me! I graduated! My friend posted this on Facebook. My camera is broken and I hadn’t seen any pictures from graduation except the one that was taken as I received my diploma. I said I would post a picture, so here it is.
Thank you for your comments on my de-lurk post! I was going to leave it up for longer, but I wanted to write about other things. It is so encouraging to hear from readers. I completely understand the whole lurking concept, and I don’t like it when bloggers insist that every reader comment, but sometimes it’s just fun to hear from everyone. I love knowing that what I write is actually a blessing to others. So thank you very much for blessing me with your comments!
Dealings with Diplomas
Was it only yesterday? Wow. Everything was a blur. Graduation is the kind of event that catches you up in its momentum, leaving very little time for reflection. But I am going to process some of it by writing about it now. I hope to post a picture or two soon.
***
Yesterday morning, I woke up on edge, looking at the clock to make sure everything was on schedule. I said good morning to my roommates and noted the beautiful weather. My sister came over to curl my hair, and I made a myriad of preparations - eating coffee cake with my fingers (because all of our utensils and dishes were packed), doing my nails, brushing my teeth, etc.
My two (former) roommates are my two best friends. On one of our birthdays last fall we bought balloons and let them go in the city. We were going to do it again before graduation. We had purchased balloons the night before, but it was a little chilly and they had deflated slightly. Outside in the sunshine, we tried to release them, but only one floated away. It was Sarah’s, and she is going to South America to teach in the fall. My other roommate’s drifted along at eye level for awhile, and mine dragged on the ground. I really hope that wasn’t symbolic of our respective futures!
***
Per instruction, we arrived at graduation an hour early and waited in the hall near the auditorium. It was lots of fun to take pictures, hug friends, and roam around talking to people. The hour drew near and we were herded into our double-file line, then shuffled along the corridor. Suddenly, my part of the line arrived in the auditorium, and it was an overwhelming moment - music was playing, people were screaming and cheering, and cameras were flashing. I looked everywhere for my family and spotted them waving and crying and smiling.
The ceremony really seemed to fly by. My division was one of the last to walk, so I got to see almost all of my friends go first, and I cheered loudly for each one of them. Then it was my turn, and it seemed unreal that I was walking across the brilliantly-lit stage to shake the president’s hand and take my diploma. Suddenly I was walking down the other side and taking my seat, and that was it! I was a college graduate!
***
I won’t bore you with the details of the rest of the day, but it moved so quickly. The ceremony over, we socialized with friends and family. My family and I went out to lunch, then packed everything up and headed back home. It took quite some time to unload the cars, since my sister was moving home too. My room is full of so much stuff! I just want to snap my fingers and have everything clean.
It really does seem surreal that it’s all over. It was hard to say goodbye, very hard. At the same time, I’m overjoyed to be done with homework and college-related stress. And the future stretches ahead of me in all of its quivery, uncertain possibility. But I dwell in possibility, yo! (I am sure Emily Dickinson would be proud of that construction.)
***
I’m taking it one step at a time. My next step is to get my life organized again, and continue my job search. I am so happy that I graduated. The Lord has done great things for me, and I am filled with joy.
Tomorrow morning, I graduate.
My soul waits for the Lord;
He is my help and my shield.
For my heart is glad in Him,
because I trust in His holy name.
Let Your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon me,
even as I hope in You.
-from Psalm 33:20-22
If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would You find and firm and gather
Till I only dwell in Thee
If I flee from greenest pastures
Would You leave to look for me
Forfeit glory to come after
Till I only dwell in Thee
If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision
Till I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
Till I only dwell in thee
-”Hymn,” Brooke Fraser
a photographic summary of my current state of mind
Three finals down…
One project/presentation to go!
The Rest of the Q&A
I have a few more questions to answer from my original Q&A entry. I have a final in 7 hours and 9 minutes, but I’m unaccountably wide awake after being tired all day, so here goes!
Susanna asked 2 questions:
1. I’d be curious to know more about what it is like to be the oldest of four girls.
Wow, how do I begin to scratch the surface of a lifetime in answer to that question? It is crazy, fun, difficult, and dramatic all at the same time. We are all close in age, and we were homeschooled, so we have spent tons and tons of time together! We can quote Adventures in Odyssey and I Love Lucy and The Dick Van Dyke Show like nobody’s business. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
2. (I) would love to know more about your interest in working with inner-city kids.
I have been doing tutoring and classroom help with inner-city kids for the past three years, as well as helping with an after-school Bible club for awhile, so I’ve developed a love for working with them. I would love to be involved in literacy and after-school work with elementary-aged inner-city kids, especially if it could connect them with church as well.
Kelsey asked:
What three books (other than the Bible) have been the most influential in your life and why?
It’s very difficult for me to answer that question! I’ll list three influential ones - I don’t know if they’ve been the most influential. Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper is one of my favorites. It stirs me to live passionately for Christ, and reminds me what really matters. Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss is a wonderful novel, journal-style, about a Christian woman named Katy and her spiritual journey. It is a huge encouragement to me. And A Passion for the Impossible by Miriam Huffman Rockness is another favorite. It’s the biography of Lilias Trotter, who was an extremely talented artist and a lifelong missionary to Algeria. Her unconditional commitment to Christ is very inspiring.
*sigh* I just love talking about books…
Lindsay asked:
Are you sad about graduating from your school? What are your thoughts as you are preparing for the future?
As I’ve probably conveyed in the past few entries, graduation is bittersweet. I am inexpressibly excited about finishing, but sad about all of the endings. My thoughts as I prepare for the future? I hope I don’t have to live with my parents until I’m 30. I’d like to find a job soon. I wonder what’s in store for me. There are so many exciting possibilities! There are so many things to be anxious about. I serve a trustworthy God. 
Mi Vida Loca
Things have been so, “This is my life, and I’m graduating soon, and that’s about all I can say” around here lately… it’ll change soon. But not yet!
I’m a little overwhelmed… Last week I turned in a project that needed 30 small group activities… or so I thought. Come to find out, I actually needed 180. So I’m 150 activities behind. I need to get it done by Thursday (my professor was gracious about giving me an extension). I also have an oral final tomorrow, which I’m nervous about because I hate verbal communication under pressure. I have a final meeting on Tuesday night that I have to get some things ready for, another big final on Wednesday morning, and a final presentation on Thursday morning. Oh, did I mention that I also have to babysit Monday and Wednesday? And I’m sick with a cold and a very sore throat.
Near the entrance to our building there’s a bulletin board, and right now there’s a news clipping about the famine in Haiti. Every time I come in or go out, I see the headline that says “Haiti’s poor resort to dirt as food.” I don’t know, somehow that seems to put all of my difficulties in perspective.
I’m going home after graduation, which isn’t what I really wanted to do, but I need to for financial reasons. I just think it’ll be kind of anticlimactic, but it’s okay. I’ll be traveling some this summer and going to New Attitude, and I’m so excited about that.
This is disjointed, but I wanted to send out the update since it’s doubtful I’ll be writing much this week - unless I just do it as a stress reliever, which is what I’m doing now, and then it’s never really much. I appreciate your prayers, I really do. Six days… I would be counting down but I don’t want to because as much as I want all this stress to be over, I don’t want to say goodbye.
You mean I still have to study?
Okay, so I’m writing this to inspire myself. I have to kick it into high gear here, people. I’ve been living in this dreamland where I do a little homework, think about graduation, indulge in melodramatic sadness about leaving my friends, yawn my way through the day, and ignore the fact that I have so much to do I need to go above and beyond.
So… yes. I’m afraid the last week of my college career won’t be full of kite-flying and Gilmore Girls watching. Sadly, I must actually apply myself to these few remaining tasks. Of course, I am definitely going to make time to enjoy being with my friends, but if that’s the case, then I also have to apply myself diligently.
Which means: tonight, I need to get all three of my essays done. Tomorrow, I need to get my research project done. Saturday and Sunday need to be spent studying for my first exam. Monday and Tuesday will be spent finishing up some papers for Tuesday night and studying for my Wednesday exam. Wednesday, I’ll spend some time preparing for my (thankfully low-key) presentation on Thursday. Then I’ll be done! (We won’t mention the fact that I’ll have to spend Thursday packing and cleaning like crazy.)
No more procrastination! I need to finish strong! One more week! I don’t feel like I can do it, but I think I can…
One Page
Four years of making lists of the homework I have to do. The methods changed, but the substance didn’t.
I just made a list of all the homework I have left this semester, and it fits on one page.
One page, y’all!
I think I’m seeing the light. I can’t believe I accomplished everything (well, almost everything) on all those lists for all those years. See, this is why I’m glad I went to college. Sure, maybe I could have learned everything without the degree. But college pushed me like I never would have pushed myself.
So on to reality. 21 more tasks to complete before my homeworking days are over for the foreseeable future! (Until grad school, that is…) Woohoo!
Less Than Four Weeks
This impending graduation seems so unreal. On my way to class this morning, I thought about how I only have three more Mondays here. How could that be possible? Yesterday I was a nervous 17-year-old at freshman orientation. Today I’m 21, and I’ve almost finished my illustrious undergraduate career. 
I think I finally understand why adults are always complaining about how quickly time goes. It really does just fly by!
The changes looming ahead are terrifying, overwhelming, and exciting all at once. Everything in my life feels so chaotic right now, and I know the chaos is only going to increase over the next few months. I have such a desire to simplify, to have everything and everyone I love in one place, and to know what my life is going to look like in the future. But that’s not possible right now.
I have a couple of job possibilities on the horizon, one of which I’ve already interviewed for and should be finding out about in the next couple of days. The other possibility is the one I really, really want. Interviewing doesn’t begin until next month, though. Both jobs would start in July or August. I would appreciate your prayers.
Am I ready to be a full-fledged grown-up? I don’t really feel like it. I’m thankful for my parents and their support. My friends are scattering in so many different directions, from South America to Tibet. (Actually, not Tibet.) Yes, life is just going to be crazy for awhile. But He’s along for the ride, and more than that, He’s guiding me every step of the way. I have nothing to worry about. If only I could remember that more often.
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I'm Anna. I'm 22. I love reading and writing. I'm a recent college graduate living at home. And I hope you are blessed by what you read here.