Four + Five Stars

Good morning… wait, it’s afternoon already. I’m about to make my second cup of coffee but I wanted to update quickly first. I’m sorry I’ve been so remiss in responding to your comments and commenting on your blogs.

I’ve been reading and enjoying, but honestly, it’s hard enough keeping up with the people I know in real life, much less with blog friends. As much as I love the blogosphere, real-life relationships have to come first… but I do comment and respond when I can. Since you were all worried.

I keep waiting for things to calm down a little, but if anything they’ve gotten crazier in the past month – except that Eliza has started having much better evenings, which makes all the difference (especially when she’s up half the night, like last night).

I’m really enjoying reading myself to sleep like I used to do when I was younger, and I can’t believe how many books I can finish that way. Here are the ones I’ve completed since my last update, and here’s my rating system:

***** Loved it, would definitely read again
**** Liked it, would recommend
*** It was OK
** Didn’t like it
* Hated it

Protecting the Gift, Gavin de Becker ****

In the follow-up to the bestselling The Gift of Fear (I shared my thoughts in this entry), de Becker shares how intuition and risk assessment can be used as a parent. Although it too includes some disturbing stories, I found it very useful and informative, and I think it would be beneficial for any parent to read.

I’ll Cross the River, C. Hope Flinchbaugh ****

This third book in the trilogy featuring Mei Lin, a Christian in China’s persecuted church, was an inspiring and heartbreaking look into both evangelism in China and life in the restricted nation of North Korea. It’s not a feel-good story, and it doesn’t have the most sparkling prose or well-paced story arc, but it’s still riveting and convicting. There were a couple of theological issues I had with it (a chapter on heaven that wasn’t very biblical, and the pervasiveness of female preachers), but I would definitely recommend it.

Sunrise on the Battery, Beth Webb Hart *****

This book was a pleasant surprise. Beth Webb Hart is one of my favorite Christian authors because she writes very well and weaves a deftly written story. Sunrise on the Battery was well-written also, but the storyline about Christianity and what it means to be a radical believer was unexpected (since her previous novels were more general on the topic of faith). I loved it.

Sleep (or the lack thereof) and books.

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I’m writing from the comfort of my living room couch, where a sweet baby (who just woke up from her second brief catnap of the day) is smiling at me from her glider. Normally I wouldn’t be blogging while she’s awake, but since there are very few waking hours in the day when she and her older brother are asleep simultaneously, I allow myself to be distracted sometimes if she seems content (and I’m hoping she’ll fall back asleep).

My little 12-hour-a-night sleeper has definitely regressed. I knew it would happen. She wakes up after she goes to bed, she wakes up in the middle of the night, she wakes up early in the morning. Thus, I’m actually more tired now than I was when she was a few weeks old.

Plus there’s the cumulative effect of sleep deprivation, the sense of isolation, the cramped and anxious feeling of not having guaranteed alone time to recharge, and this recent struggle to just barely keep ahead of depression, as if it’s a dog nipping at my heels.

I read a blog post the other day about trying to write while sleep deprived, and the author compared it to driving through fog. That phrase brought to mind vivid reminiscences of our trip to Ohio, which included a scary, middle-of-the-night trek over foggy, curving mountain highways, barely able to see ahead to the next bend.

I told A.J. yesterday that’s how I’ve felt for the past couple of weeks. Through the haze of sleep deprivation and taking care of endless needs, it’s as if I can barely see what’s ahead. I certainly can’t see any practical relief in the near future. I just do what’s there. What’s right in front of me. Over and over again.

God leads me to cry out to Him in times like these. Often that’s after my terrible, selfish attitude is revealed. Clearly I think I have a right to an easy life. And that’s the exact opposite of what His Word tells me.

Not only do my “trials” stem from great blessings (a husband, children, health, a home, the option of not working), but they are so, so small compared to what I might be facing. It’s not a cliché to say that – it’s the truth, and in considering my trials joy, I have to also remember that they are small – that God wants to show me His faithfulness and sufficiency in these little but relentless steps of dying to myself every day.

Meanwhile, I’ve managed to cram in some reading during my almost nonexistent free time. A $5 book light has helped a lot, so I can read before I go to sleep (since Eliza still sleeps in our room). Here are my most recent reads:

Daughter of China, C. Hope Flinchbaugh [reread] *****

This small novel is a glimpse into China’s persecuted church. Mei Lin is a teenage Christian who ends up imprisoned for her faith. Although I would’ve enjoyed more glimpses into the characters’ inner lives rather than just a recounting of events, the story is still a moving and seemingly honest portrayal of believers in a restricted nation. I love the way the believers treasure copies of Scripture and their time of fellowship together. Daughter of China has far more worthwhile content than many other Christian novels.

The Gift of Fear, Gavin de Becker ***

Based on Amy’s summary of de Becker’s book Protecting the Gift, I picked up this book about violence, intuition, and the role fear plays in self-protection. I enjoyed the first part of the book, which discusses how intuition works, and gives indicators of behavior that may lead to a crime. I appreciated de Becker’s explanation that most violence is not random or without warning, and that worry can be a signal of intuition but is often simply an unproductive choice – while fear is a legitimate, involuntary, and useful response to an actual risk. However, because of the disturbing real-life examples used and a couple instances of strong language, I wouldn’t recommend The Gift of Fear.

Remembering You, Tricia Goyer (unfinished)

I found this book in the library’s new release section and read the first five chapters hoping it would be an interesting glimpse into World War II history through a contemporary lens. But I just couldn’t get past the tame romance novel feel, with phrases like, “He… glanced at her with those sexy, dark eyes,” and, “He forced a small smile, but it was still beautiful to her. More beautiful than the Paris skyline beyond.” (I have, though, enjoyed some of Tricia Goyer’s historical novels, like Arms of Deliverance and Dawn of a Thousand Nights.)

That’s all for now… I hope you have a great weekend.

Praise Her in the Gates

****
Nancy Wilson’s Praise Her in the Gates is a collection of thoughts on various aspects of Christian motherhood, including education, domesticity, traditions, and everyday family life.

I believe many of the chapters were culled from previous writing Nancy had done, resulting in a somewhat disjointed flow. The tone is very didactic (should is probably the most overused word in the book), and Nancy is a bit polarizing in her convictions about certain areas of raising children – for example, she doesn’t even list public school (“government school”) as a viable option for Christian families.

However, I did enjoy it because of the many gems of wisdom scattered throughout the pages – specifically, practical suggestions and repeated reminders of the importance of self-sacrificing love and tender care for our children.

{For my 2012 reads series, I’m going to do what Amy does and follow Amazon’s rating system:

***** Loved it, would definitely read again
**** Liked it, would recommend
*** It was OK
** Didn’t like it
* Hated it}

What I’m Reading in 2012

I failed dismally at my 2011 reading list. (Out of 18 books, I finished 7.) I blame it on getting pregnant at the beginning of the year, being miserably sick for awhile, and then having all the busyness of the newborn season.

I used to post book reviews regularly, and although I don’t plan on doing that this year, I would like to write a few quick thoughts whenever I finish a book, as a way to keep track of what I’m reading and share it with you.

And while I don’t have a formal reading list for the year, I do have several books in queue right now. The only one I’ve finished so far is Loving the Little Years, which I already posted about.

Here’s my informal list. The titles with asterisks are in progress.

Devotional:
Purity, Lydia Brownback*
A Basket of Summer Fruit, Susannah Spurgeon

Nonfiction:
Praise Her in the Gates, Nancy Wilson*
Give Them Grace, Elyse Fitzpatrick*
The Hidden Art of Homemaking, Edith Schaeffer
The Gospel and Personal Evangelism, Mark Dever (reread)
A couple of clean eating books by Tosca Reno

Fiction:
Daughter of China, C. Hope Flinchbaugh* (reread)
Perpetua, Amy Rachel Peterson (reread)
Far from Here, Nicole Baart
Entwined, Heather Dixon (after I saw it on Danielle’s 2011 list)

I hope to keep you updated. What’s on your reading list for the year?

Simply Going on in Peace

Photo by D. Sharon Pruitt

I love revisiting Elisabeth Elliot’s writings. Her ideas can seem quaint now, but look a little closer and they have a lot of wisdom.

These particular quotes are from Keep a Quiet Heart and The Music of His Promises. They encouraged me, since lately I’ve been struggling with being stressed over all I have to do.

The first quote reminds me of how important this “little” work is, all these endless details that make up my days, cleaning food off the floor and folding laundry and reading stories and naming colors.

And the other two quotes help me remember the importance of trusting God’s sovereignty over the details of my life, instead of trying to carry the burden of all that must be accomplished.

In other news, I’m so excited that this is the week of Christmas. We’re packing for a road trip, my sister’s wedding, and a family Christmas… so much excitement!

I hope you all have a very blessed Christmas!

I Read About Myself Today

In a picture book:

All day long, various animals ask Squirrel to join them in activities such as resting on a branch or playing in the water.

And each time, the response is, “But Squirrel couldn’t – he was too busy!”

I’m not comparing my children’s requests to the animals’ requests, because a large portion of my busyness is spent doing things with them. But I do feel quite a bit like Squirrel.

The very last request comes from a family of owls, who ask Squirrel to watch the moon with them. The story ends with, “But Squirrel couldn’t – he was fast asleep.”

I can’t think of a better summary of my life right now!

here and there {thoughts today}.

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A matter of focus.

Lately I’ve been thinking about the significance of the body of Christ. I think it’s because of all the love and support I’ve been receiving as I near the end of my pregnancy – gifts, meals, babysitting, prayers, questions, and encouragement.

Certain seasons of life lend themselves to an inward focus – the honeymoon, the end of pregnancy, the newborn days. Those seasons of motherhood are intense emotionally and physically. I think it’s good to embrace the shrinking horizons and realize it’s part of how God created us, to be maternal and nurturing.

But sometimes it’s tempting to lapse into self-focus, and finding the balance is a challenge. I’m finding I have to be more intentional about being present in others’ lives and caring for them. People I love are experiencing joy, stress, and heartbreak all around me. I want to reflect the love of Christ, even if it just means, for example, listening to A.J. talk about something he’s interested in rather than what’s on my mind.

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Pages these days.

You may remember that I’ve been trying to find good classics to read. I’m almost finished with Uncle Tom’s Cabin, which I read in high school but had largely forgotten about. I appreciated it so much more this time around, although it’s of course marred by condescending and outdated racial attitudes, in spite of its abolitionist roots. It’s still definitely recommended!

Next on the docket are Mansfield Park, the only Jane Austen book I haven’t read, and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, which I don’t know much about but am looking forward to.

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Still carrying her.

Time has slowed to a crawl. I have 11 days till my due date! I’m struggling to complete the remaining tasks on my list. The most important ones are done, and I’m having trouble finding energy and creativity (with Christian around) to finish the others.

My baby girl is not measuring small, even though I am – ultrasound results are notoriously inaccurate this far along, but according to mine yesterday she’s 7 lb. 10 oz.! She was facing up, and I’m hoping she flips around, since that position can make labor more difficult.

Contractions have become painful this week, but I’m trying not to get my hopes up about an early arrival.

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And an assortment.

I got my first haircut in a year on Saturday (*blush*). I wanted to keep my length, but I had so many split ends. I like it though. I started using leave-in conditioner to maintain curls instead of gel. I don’t like crunchiness but I hate frizz. This is working well so far. I always struggle with my hair so new tricks help a lot. I like to feel put together.

I mentioned the infamous pumpkin spice latte on my Facebook page last week, and I keep seeing people talking about it! I want to get one but they’re so ridiculously priced. They just taste like fall though, don’t they?

Also on my wish list: Grace linked earrings from this Etsy shop and I really want to get a pair or four. They’re ridiculously priced too… on the cheap side. Aren’t they pretty?

{PSA: I’m not one to tweet labor updates, but any news and/or a birth announcement will probably make its way to my Twitter stream before it gets to the blog, so if you’d like you can follow me there.}

And naptime is officially over… happy Friday!

Quotable.

Three very different sources, but all worth sharing:

“The claim of the gospel is not only that it can give us a quiet heart, but that nothing else can do it.” (Martyn Lloyd-Jones)

I’ve been slowly making my way through this post-World War II era collection of sermons, and really enjoying teaching like the quote above.

Meanwhile, last night I flipped through my copy of Girls Gone Wise, which I read and reviewed about a year ago, and was reminded of why I liked it so much:

“The way a woman relates to men has a lot to do with the state of her heart for God” (29).

“The world teaches us that sexuality is a woman’s primary tool and/or weapon. She uses it to get the man she wants and then uses it to get what she wants from him.” (51)

“The tendency to manipulate men is a sin to which all women are particularly susceptible.” (54)

“Gentleness means we wholly rely on God rather than our own strength to defend ourselves against inconvenience, hardship, or injustice. It stems from trust in God’s goodness and control over the situation.” (65)

“Just because a woman stays at home physically does not necessarily mean that she is attending to her household. She could be procrastinating, self-indulging, and living an undisciplined life just as much as the woman who is always out and about.” (76)

And completely randomly, I reread A Little Princess this weekend. It’s one of my favorite children’s books, and I was reminded of how vivid well-chosen words can be. Simple writing is the best kind:

“A deep, rich yellow light filled the air; the birds flying across the tops of the houses showed quite black against it.” (171)

“She is always sitting with her little nose burrowing into books. She doesn’t read them, Miss Minchin; she gobbles them up as if she were a little wolf instead of a little girl.” (9)

That was possibly the most haphazard list of quotes, ever, but I wanted to share them!

This is my letter to the world…

…that never wrote to me. (Emily Dickinson)

or, how to get more written in less time.

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I think my writing has gotten lazier and sloppier than it used to be. I have limited time, a lack of patience to write well, and I’m not an English minor in college anymore.

But I don’t want to give up on this (written) scrapbook of life, though it’s always challenging walking the line between transparency and overshare.

I don’t want to give up the friendships I’ve made this way either, for although flesh-and-blood friendships are more real in a sense, these have been a gift too.

What I do want is for my writing to be a reflection of what’s important – ultimately pointing to Christ and reflecting my walk with Him, even though each post isn’t a theological treatise.

So if that means I’m writing more frequently but in smaller tidbits, that might be a good thing. Or if I’m writing less often but more authentically, that’s good too. The former is where I’m leaning now – not letting a lack of big ideas deter me from sharing the small ones.

Just a few thoughts on this stormy Sunday afternoon…

Needed: Inspiration

My mind (and thus my writing) are very much on a pregnancy/mommy track right now.

I love writing and always have, but alas, the dreaded writer’s block is upon me.

Some weeks I feel quite prolific and the words emerge effortlessly from my keyboard. Other times, I find myself staring at a blank page and blinking cursor, then clicking away to something else.

I need to jot down post ideas when they come to me, instead of trying to think of them spur-of-the-moment.

How do you get writing and/or blogging inspiration?

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