Four + Five Stars

Good morning… wait, it’s afternoon already. I’m about to make my second cup of coffee but I wanted to update quickly first. I’m sorry I’ve been so remiss in responding to your comments and commenting on your blogs.

I’ve been reading and enjoying, but honestly, it’s hard enough keeping up with the people I know in real life, much less with blog friends. As much as I love the blogosphere, real-life relationships have to come first… but I do comment and respond when I can. Since you were all worried.

I keep waiting for things to calm down a little, but if anything they’ve gotten crazier in the past month – except that Eliza has started having much better evenings, which makes all the difference (especially when she’s up half the night, like last night).

I’m really enjoying reading myself to sleep like I used to do when I was younger, and I can’t believe how many books I can finish that way. Here are the ones I’ve completed since my last update, and here’s my rating system:

***** Loved it, would definitely read again
**** Liked it, would recommend
*** It was OK
** Didn’t like it
* Hated it

Protecting the Gift, Gavin de Becker ****

In the follow-up to the bestselling The Gift of Fear (I shared my thoughts in this entry), de Becker shares how intuition and risk assessment can be used as a parent. Although it too includes some disturbing stories, I found it very useful and informative, and I think it would be beneficial for any parent to read.

I’ll Cross the River, C. Hope Flinchbaugh ****

This third book in the trilogy featuring Mei Lin, a Christian in China’s persecuted church, was an inspiring and heartbreaking look into both evangelism in China and life in the restricted nation of North Korea. It’s not a feel-good story, and it doesn’t have the most sparkling prose or well-paced story arc, but it’s still riveting and convicting. There were a couple of theological issues I had with it (a chapter on heaven that wasn’t very biblical, and the pervasiveness of female preachers), but I would definitely recommend it.

Sunrise on the Battery, Beth Webb Hart *****

This book was a pleasant surprise. Beth Webb Hart is one of my favorite Christian authors because she writes very well and weaves a deftly written story. Sunrise on the Battery was well-written also, but the storyline about Christianity and what it means to be a radical believer was unexpected (since her previous novels were more general on the topic of faith). I loved it.

The Eat-Clean Diet

The Eat-Clean Diet by Tosca Reno ****

I didn’t read this book because I’m going on a diet. It’s not really a diet book, anyway. Instead it describes the eat-clean lifestyle.

"Clean food is anything nutritious that is as close as possible to how it occurs in nature” (p. 256). Reno focuses on lean protein, whole grains, vegetables, and fruit. She advocates eating five or six small meals per day, each including a lean protein and a complex carb.

I’ve been eating this way more and more over the past several months. It wasn’t a plan. I became interested in clean eating after Eliza was born, while I was posting in an online food journaling group, and seeing the way other people incorporated clean foods into their lifestyle.

I’ll share a little of my history with food: I’ve never been overweight, but my weight has gone up and down, especially during college while I was drinking soda and eating cafeteria food and lots of late-night snacks. To me, healthy eating meant cutting calories. But of course, focusing only on restriction isn’t very sustainable, so I would always quickly go back to my old habits.

When I married A.J., I learned a lot of healthy eating basics from him – eating whole wheat instead of white flour, using natural peanut butter, and keeping an eye on sodium intake. For the most part, though, I continued eating whatever I felt like until I was pregnant with Eliza.

I realized that as I continued to get older and go through pregnancies, I wasn’t going to be able to eat whatever I wanted without physical consequences. As I became more interested in exercise, I wanted to learn to eat well too.

Several months later, I wanted to read The Eat-Clean Diet because I’d heard it mentioned so many times and knew it was a good overview. I don’t and won’t follow its “rules” exactly. Rather than eating identical small meals, I tend to eat three bigger meals and two smaller snacks. I don’t time my meals or plan them rigidly. I don’t stress out if every meal and snack doesn’t include protein. And I definitely don’t eat perfectly!

But what I do is avoid processed foods as much as possible and focus on a daily balance of lean protein, whole grains, fruits, and veggies. I plan out our dinners, but for breakfast, lunch, and snacks I just choose from the clean foods I keep on hand.

The Eat-Clean Diet is a good introduction to clean eating, and I enjoyed all the scientific explanations of why it’s good for your body. But honestly, I learned a lot more from reading blogs and online food journaling. Reading just this book might make you feel like you have to do it her way, but I’ve seen people “eat clean” many different ways – something I’m sure the author would agree with.

And a side note: eating clean does not have to be expensive or complicated. I have some wish list foods that I would eat regularly if they were cheaper, like almond butter and chia seeds. But pricey products aren’t necessary. And eating this way is very simple when it’s part of a routine.

To finish up, here are a few blogs that have helped me learn more about clean eating:

The Gracious Pantry
Think Pretty Thoughts
Clean Eating Chelsea (gluten-free)
Oh She Glows (vegan)

Sleep (or the lack thereof) and books.

[source]

I’m writing from the comfort of my living room couch, where a sweet baby (who just woke up from her second brief catnap of the day) is smiling at me from her glider. Normally I wouldn’t be blogging while she’s awake, but since there are very few waking hours in the day when she and her older brother are asleep simultaneously, I allow myself to be distracted sometimes if she seems content (and I’m hoping she’ll fall back asleep).

My little 12-hour-a-night sleeper has definitely regressed. I knew it would happen. She wakes up after she goes to bed, she wakes up in the middle of the night, she wakes up early in the morning. Thus, I’m actually more tired now than I was when she was a few weeks old.

Plus there’s the cumulative effect of sleep deprivation, the sense of isolation, the cramped and anxious feeling of not having guaranteed alone time to recharge, and this recent struggle to just barely keep ahead of depression, as if it’s a dog nipping at my heels.

I read a blog post the other day about trying to write while sleep deprived, and the author compared it to driving through fog. That phrase brought to mind vivid reminiscences of our trip to Ohio, which included a scary, middle-of-the-night trek over foggy, curving mountain highways, barely able to see ahead to the next bend.

I told A.J. yesterday that’s how I’ve felt for the past couple of weeks. Through the haze of sleep deprivation and taking care of endless needs, it’s as if I can barely see what’s ahead. I certainly can’t see any practical relief in the near future. I just do what’s there. What’s right in front of me. Over and over again.

God leads me to cry out to Him in times like these. Often that’s after my terrible, selfish attitude is revealed. Clearly I think I have a right to an easy life. And that’s the exact opposite of what His Word tells me.

Not only do my “trials” stem from great blessings (a husband, children, health, a home, the option of not working), but they are so, so small compared to what I might be facing. It’s not a cliché to say that – it’s the truth, and in considering my trials joy, I have to also remember that they are small – that God wants to show me His faithfulness and sufficiency in these little but relentless steps of dying to myself every day.

Meanwhile, I’ve managed to cram in some reading during my almost nonexistent free time. A $5 book light has helped a lot, so I can read before I go to sleep (since Eliza still sleeps in our room). Here are my most recent reads:

Daughter of China, C. Hope Flinchbaugh [reread] *****

This small novel is a glimpse into China’s persecuted church. Mei Lin is a teenage Christian who ends up imprisoned for her faith. Although I would’ve enjoyed more glimpses into the characters’ inner lives rather than just a recounting of events, the story is still a moving and seemingly honest portrayal of believers in a restricted nation. I love the way the believers treasure copies of Scripture and their time of fellowship together. Daughter of China has far more worthwhile content than many other Christian novels.

The Gift of Fear, Gavin de Becker ***

Based on Amy’s summary of de Becker’s book Protecting the Gift, I picked up this book about violence, intuition, and the role fear plays in self-protection. I enjoyed the first part of the book, which discusses how intuition works, and gives indicators of behavior that may lead to a crime. I appreciated de Becker’s explanation that most violence is not random or without warning, and that worry can be a signal of intuition but is often simply an unproductive choice – while fear is a legitimate, involuntary, and useful response to an actual risk. However, because of the disturbing real-life examples used and a couple instances of strong language, I wouldn’t recommend The Gift of Fear.

Remembering You, Tricia Goyer (unfinished)

I found this book in the library’s new release section and read the first five chapters hoping it would be an interesting glimpse into World War II history through a contemporary lens. But I just couldn’t get past the tame romance novel feel, with phrases like, “He… glanced at her with those sexy, dark eyes,” and, “He forced a small smile, but it was still beautiful to her. More beautiful than the Paris skyline beyond.” (I have, though, enjoyed some of Tricia Goyer’s historical novels, like Arms of Deliverance and Dawn of a Thousand Nights.)

That’s all for now… I hope you have a great weekend.

Thursday Morning Vignette

Any mother will probably relate to the scenario I’m about to describe. This morning at about 9:00 am (having been up since 5:45 except for a 15-minute snooze), I sat down to eat my bowl of oatmeal. The baby, whom I had just put down for her nap, started to cry in her bassinet.

So I went back to put her pacifier in, and when I came out Christian was standing in the middle of the living room holding two eggs and gently tapping them together (note to self: replace broken fridge lock).

I managed to finish the rest of my breakfast in between running back and forth putting the baby’s pacifier in, but she ended up being inconsolable and I took her out to comfort her. Meanwhile, Christian climbed into his high chair, which was accessible because I had taken the dirty breakfast tray off and hadn’t had a chance to wash it yet.

He was unable to get out and sat there crying while I was trying to rock Eliza back to sleep. I got him out and for the next two hours, I tried various methods to get Eliza down for her normal morning nap. She held out like a champion (albeit a very unhappy one) the entire time.

Finally, she exhibited a possible concrete purpose for her insomnia, and I went to change her in Christian’s room. I heard him open the fridge and after stabilizing Eliza’s situation I went to investigate.

I found him yet again standing in the living room holding two eggs. I tried to take them, and although he’s usually cooperative when I take forbidden objects away, this time (possibly feeling neglected by my divided attention all morning), he threw himself on the floor screaming, and in the process cracked an egg all over the carpet.

Right now he’s eating a sandwich while I quickly type out this chronicle so I don’t forget to laugh at it later. Eliza’s still wide awake, hanging out in her glider. The mystery insomnia continues. But naptime approaches, and although I haven’t combed my hair or washed the dishes, I think overall this morning could’ve gone worse. Don’t you?

A Sprinkling of Pumpkin and Pictures

Awhile ago, Stephanie told me about the song “Holy One” by Rush of Fools. I listened to it and was very blessed. It came on Pandora again this morning.

Face to the ground, I’m not proud
Of all You must see when You look at me
I tremble at first as You wash the dirt
The dirt from my feet
And I see my need for Thee

You lift me up, Holy One, Holy One
When I but come, You’re enough, You’re enough
You fill me up with Your love, with Your love
To You I run, Holy One, Holy One

~*~

{hanging out in her glider while I fixed lunch this morning}

Gratefulness is a powerful antidote to discouragement. This morning as I washed the breakfast dishes (at 10 am, in my pj’s), I sensed God reminding me of the blessings of being a full-time homemaker – not having to leave my little ones; listening to worship music throughout the day; answering to my husband instead of an employer; not having to clock in every morning!

~*~

I just tried to make this, and it sure didn’t turn out like the pictures:

{photo & recipe: pumpkin spice latte for one}

But for the most part, I’ve loved the recipes on Katie’s blog – it’s a healthy dessert blog, and I’ve tried the pumpkin chocolate chip muffin and the carrot cake milkshake and they were both so good.

~*~

To finish up, here are some pictures from the past few weeks:

{at my parents’ house over the holidays}

{lemons beat out Christmas presents for his toy of choice during our visit}

{four generations: my nana, mamma, me, and Eliza}

{you can tell we live in Florida… short sleeves in December}

{A.J. and Christian eating lunch… Christian’s talking on an imaginary phone}

{Little clingy baby… she has a cold}

Well, someone decided she’d prefer to stay up and hang out with me rather than finish her nap, so I’m off for now. Happy New Year, a little late!

My Word for 2012: There isn’t one.

This is the first year in a long time that I haven’t come up with any kind of resolutions.

Last year I came up with a word to mark 2011, and to be honest, I forgot about it pretty quickly. I found out I was pregnant in late January, and the rest of the year has been a roller coaster ride.

It’s hard to talk about how intensely difficult this season is without sounding (or being) ungrateful for the incredible gift of two sweet, healthy children. But it is very intense. And it’s tempting to feel like I’m losing myself when I think, “New Year’s resolutions? Seriously? My resolution is to get the breakfast dishes done and fold laundry. The end.”

Rachel Jankovic’s Loving the Little Years was a big encouragement to me last week. I got it for Christmas and finished it in one afternoon (while A.J. was home, and mostly during naptime, in case you’re wondering how I managed to pull that off).

I do have a couple of informal goals for the year, now that I think about it. One is related to Bible reading, and the other to blogging. I want to continue writing here at least twice a week, even if it’s nothing special.

Mamas of little ones who know this intense season I’m talking about – what are/were your coping mechanisms? And please tell me that the days eventually have a little more breathing room!

Simply Going on in Peace

Photo by D. Sharon Pruitt

I love revisiting Elisabeth Elliot’s writings. Her ideas can seem quaint now, but look a little closer and they have a lot of wisdom.

These particular quotes are from Keep a Quiet Heart and The Music of His Promises. They encouraged me, since lately I’ve been struggling with being stressed over all I have to do.

The first quote reminds me of how important this “little” work is, all these endless details that make up my days, cleaning food off the floor and folding laundry and reading stories and naming colors.

And the other two quotes help me remember the importance of trusting God’s sovereignty over the details of my life, instead of trying to carry the burden of all that must be accomplished.

In other news, I’m so excited that this is the week of Christmas. We’re packing for a road trip, my sister’s wedding, and a family Christmas… so much excitement!

I hope you all have a very blessed Christmas!

Imperfectly Perfect

It’s easy to make one’s life sound either picturesquely ideal or perpetually chaotic, especially on a blog. My last post emphasized the chaotic… so today I’m sharing some happy bits of life. They always go hand in hand, don’t they?

I’m growing to love cooking. I’m trying to keep it wholesome and simple… which sometimes translates to boring, but I’m working on it.

Supper tonight:

{photo & recipe: black bean pumpkin soup}

I sneaked a few tastes and it’s quite promising.

I’m experimenting with making healthy homemade bread. Buying it is so expensive. A loaf of this is cooling on the table right now:

{photo & recipe: honey whole wheat sandwich bread}

Eliza, dear child, is on her second 2-hour nap of the day. (Yesterday she took about seven 20-minute naps.) I’m not really sure what to do with myself.

I wish I could show you pictures of my pretty Christmas decorations (I love Grace’s), but we won’t be here for Christmas and we haven’t done anything but hang up some Christmas lights in unusual places around our living room. It still makes for a festive atmosphere in the evenings.

[Side note: My next area of life to research and grow in is going to be decorating (frugally). And I can’t wait to start some simple, meaningful Christmas traditions next year; we’ll have a 1-year-old and an almost-3-year-old!]

We’ve been taking tentative steps into a basic routine, and it’s given us a more peaceful few days recently.

Lastly, have any of you seen the ESVBible.org website? You can create a free account, go through a variety of devotional plans, highlight and underline, etc. I like using it in the early mornings when I’m up with Eliza.

I hope you all are having a good Tuesday! I can’t believe Christmas is only 12 days away!

Two Under 2: Confessions

~Sometimes often it takes all morning just to wash the breakfast dishes and get the three of us dressed and ready.

~I’m never quite sure if I’m spending enough quality time with either child.

~I still let Eliza sleep in her glider for most of her naps. It’s just too hard to teach “drowsy but awake” when I have a toddler running around.

~I really wish we had a better routine right now, but I’m not quite sure how to get there.

~I really really wish I had family living nearby.

~I should use any tandem naptimes to nap or get things done, but a lot of times I take a nice quiet coffee break instead.

~We’ve gone over my 30 minutes of TV per day rule a little more than I’d like recently.

~Every day I have countdowns to naptime and A.J. coming home.

~I’m discouraged right now because it seems like I can barely keep up on the basics, much less anything else.

~For example: I haven’t cleaned my showers in an embarrassingly long time.

~I worry too much about Eliza. Babies are so little and vulnerable and I sometimes don’t want to go to sleep at night because I’d rather be keeping an eye on her as she sleeps.

~I can’t wait until Christian learns how to play nicely with his sister so I can actually leave them on the floor together.

~I’m not sure how I can both dislike and cherish this season at the same time, but I do.

What are your mommy confessions?

Long Days and Short Years

I have to admit one of the reasons I don’t blog much anymore is because I’m afraid to start a post for fear I’ll be interrupted and unable to finish. But here I go anyway!

Christian and Eliza have been sleeping at the same time for about an hour now. I’m sitting on the couch sweltering… in December. It’s probably almost 80 in the house right now and it just feels so warm. But I refuse to turn on the air conditioning, because I’m not pregnant anymore and A/C in December is ridiculous. And expensive.

I finally uploaded a bunch of pictures from our camera. The memory card is full now so I have to figure out how to get them all off the camera (I didn’t automatically delete them when I uploaded them). I hadn’t uploaded pictures for a year. Unbelievable.

So, in my mind there is a scale of tiredness:

Well-Rested
Mildly Sleepy
Quite Tired
Can’t Keep My Eyes Open
Mind-Numbingly Exhausted

Miss Eliza has been sleeping till 6 am lately, so I’ve been only Mildly Sleepy. But I had trouble sleeping last night, and then she woke up around 5:45 this morning, for the day, so I’m feeling Quite Tired. I hope that second cup of coffee is kicking in right now. (Why am I not napping, you ask? Umm… I’m not sure. Because I have a bumper sticker that says “I’d rather be blogging.” [Not really.])

She’s such a sweet baby.

Christian is getting so old. I’m looking forward to his language skills developing enough that I can have conversations with him. He’s saying new words daily. He thinks school buses are amazing. Whenever we see one while we’re driving, I hear his little high-pitched voice from the backseat: “BUS?!” I found a library book that has 32 lined up on one page (we count everything right now). His eyes got huge the first time we read it.

I was just listening to an online radio interview with Rachel Jankovic, and something she said struck me. Paraphrasing, she said as mothers we have to learn to have a sense of humor about what we’re doing, yet we also have to take very seriously our responsibility and the daily impact we have on our children.

Yet another area of balance in life… sometimes all I can do is laugh at certain situations that arise, but this whole calling of motherhood is nothing to be taken lightly. I have two little eternal souls in my home and it’s my responsibility to preach Christ to them through our interactions, even long before they can understand my words.

Being a parent sure does reveal my own sinfulness to me. I’m glad God gives grace through Christ for the otherwise hopeless sinner. Sometimes (okay, often) I’m desperately in need of an attitude adjustment, and I realize how much I need to grow at the same time as I’m instructing my toddler on right and wrong.

I have so much more I could write, but time is ticking and I hear Christian coughing, which may or may not mean he’s awake. Time to get geared up for the second half of the day!