“Do you feel like a Stepford wife?”

That’s the question Courtney from Women Living Well received when she talked about homemaking and husband-serving on a radio program.

She responded to the question in an encouraging vlog that I hope you’ll take the time to watch. It’s a good reminder that we stay-at-home wives and moms shouldn’t feel ashamed for what we’re doing, as if it’s somehow less valuable than what we could be doing.

(By posting this, I am not saying that the only way to be a true Proverbs 31 woman is to be a stay-at-home mom. I’m sure that’s not what Courtney means either. But it is very encouraging for those of us whom God has called to be at home for our families right now.)

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First, a little plug - I have a new favorite blog: Like a Warm Cup of Coffee. Sarah Mae tackles difficult subjects with grace and truth. She uses her blog as a platform for encouragement and exhortation. She keeps it personal; she writes about her own life. But it’s not all about her. You can tell her focus is reaching out to others.

(Some of my favorite posts: Overcoming Laziness, It’s Hard to Be a Stay-at-Home Mommy, Wife, & Homemaker, Soon and Very Soon, and I’m Not Only Not My Own, I’m Not My Own! [boy, do I need to take that last one to heart.])

Now, on to one of her most recent posts. It’s titled Joyce Meyer (uh-oh… controversy alert!). She writes,

“Popular.

Effective.

Engaging.

Missing the mark.“

…and quotes 1 Timothy 2:12 and 3:15, which say that women are not to teach or be in authority over men. I enjoyed the ensuing discussion. My favorite comment was by Courtney:

“C.H. Spurgeon said, ‘It’s mere cant to cry, “We are evangelical, we are all evangelical!” but decline to define what that is…’

Under the umbrella of ‘evangelical’ there is a vast array of bad theology presented. Addressing and defining our differences is important for the purity of the church.”

I love that. It encapsulates the importance of good theology. Not to cause divisions and quarrels, but because what we believe about God is so important.

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I love how deep the lyrics are – they talk about atheism, evolution, deism, the deity of Christ and the historical controversy over it, and the prosperity gospel.

It’s time we direct our attention towards the Creator / Cats got misconceptions, though / Look, forget about what you heard or what you thought or what they told you / And let’s bring out the right way to get to know Him

Look, I don’t know what they told you but if it don’t match up / With His holy Word, then homie they need to back up / Some they pretend like they get Him they twisting facts up / That’s why we dig in the Scriptures to know the Master / Homie, we have to if we want to get past the only thing we know being what we learned from the pastor / I really hope you’re listening, my listeners, ’cause after / We want to see Him clear like a big screen plasma / Handful of the cats I seen, they don’t really know the Lord / They think my views are extreme, think I’m going overboard / But they ain’t read a page of the place where He’s spoken for Himself in the matters, man that’s what I be quoting for / Some say He don’t exist, nah that don’t even make sense / This earth’s a masterpiece, somebody had to paint this / Forget the Big Bang or evolution and face this / He’s the King of kings and author of all creation / Some say He made it then lets it run like a clock / Nah, He controls every soul and every action on the block / If it happened then He watched and it happens on His watch / No surprise in His eyes, no my God’s never shocked

Wonderful, Counselor, Masterful / This is Jesus Christ, LORD, all capitals / This is why Trip and I trip after the mass appeal / Of people who pigeonhole Jesus as a pacifist, whoa! / A prophet with no power in His plasma / Still we preach against the views that Arius professed to have of Him (look it up!) / Meaning the deifying of Jesus was nothing more than an accident / But the Bible’s the proof that refutes and gives us facts on Him / That He was what His Daddy was, Homousia, the God-Man / Sent to save us all that He loves / And set us free from sin and shut it down like it was Attica / Anyone disbelieving this truth may want to back it up or back it up / Because the Son of Man is coming, that’s what’s up and at His judgment seat is where you will see / His holy wrath is just /But God is love, that don’t mean He’s weak! Hey check His resume / Just ’cause He lets you breath don’t mean He won’t take His breath away

These days in the church, most cats got it twisted / Don’t let them fool you on how we supposed to live this / For instance, some say to come to Christ for riches / Or maybe your blessing, but my question is what is this? / ‘Cause that ain’t the gospel, that if you put your faith in Him / To come to the Savior, and then you’ll rake that paper in? / Face it friends, they made Jesus they holy ATM / Paul would be appalled, this gospel would be disgrace to him / This false gospel strips Him of His flyness / He’s more like your servant and less like His Highness / So please don’t buy it, that idea is absurd / Jesus said the Christian life can be strife and it’s filled with hurt / Look homie I would hate for cats to get that fake stuff /And never know it’s wrong cause they won’t open a page up /I pray we erase the wrong views and embrace the Holy Word that testifies to us about the Savior

One of my favorite blogs is written by Mary Kassian, who is a professor of Women’s Studies at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. She is about to publish a new book, Girls Gone Wise… In a World Gone Wild, which she says “revolves around the story of the typical Girl-Gone-Wild as recorded for us in the Bible, in Proverbs chapter seven.”

For the past couple of months, Mary has been posting excerpts from the book that contrast the “girl gone wise” with the “girl gone wild.” I’ve really enjoyed them because they speak to issues of the heart, revealing character traits from the Proverbs chapter seven woman that can be present even in a girl who outwardly portrays herself as someone better. I’ve found her posts applicable to me as a young married woman, and I think a teenage girl, a single woman, or an older woman would also be benefited by them.

I look forward to reading the book after it’s released, hopefully. Here is an index of Mary’s posts on this topic. (Read with discretion – some are definitely not for younger readers.)

Girls Gone Wise
Wild Thing
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #1: Heart
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #2: Counsel
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #3: Approach
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #4: Attitude
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #5: Habits
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #6: Focus
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #7: Appearance
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #8: Body Language
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #9: Roles
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #10: Sexual Conduct
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #11: Boundaries
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #12: Authenticity
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #13: Neediness
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #14: Possessions
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #15: Entitlement
Wise vs. Wild Contrast #16: Reliability

I’m writing not from the perspective of a parent (because I have no experience with my unborn child) but a daycare worker. Contrasted with a public school system which a few short decades ago allowed spanking, daycares and preschools today are paranoid about punishment. In fact, the words punishment or discipline are taboo. Even time-outs are joining the list of unacceptable behavioral modification. The only acceptable modes of correction are distraction or redirection. Understandably, daycares want to stay far away from allegations of abuse, and they are increasingly staying away (officially) from imposing any negative consequences whatsoever.

Albert Mohler inspired this post as well, with his October 23 radio program entitled “The Blessings of Discipline in a Child’s Life.” He cites a New York Times article which notes the cultural phenomenon of shouting instead of spanking. A generation who would never administer corporal punishment to their children are still a generation who yell at their children.

Dr. Mohler thinks this is because parental understanding of discipline has changed from being grounded in punishment and teaching right from wrong, to the simple equation of greater or less frustration, equaling greater or less yelling.

I think this is sad, and I have seen the fruits of it in my work settings. Teachers are substitute parents for many of the children in their care, taking care of them for as many as 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. Yet they are not permitted to administer negative consequences for bad behavior (or even allowed to use the word bad). This is because they are merely paid caregivers, and do not have the trust or responsibility to wisely punish children, especially in a culture that largely views punishment as unnecessarily negative.

There is nothing but frustration in this setting. Teachers try to control six 1-year-olds or eleven 2-year-olds or fifteen 3-year-olds on their own, and positive redirection of every misbehavior becomes a near impossibility. Meanwhile, parents are gone from their children for 40+ hours a week, and the last thing they want is to deal with misbehavior on the way out the door. I’ve witnessed more than one yelling episode in the parking lot as a parent is preparing to take their child home.

Parents are afraid of their children. Children are out of their parents’ control, and they know it. Parents feel helpless to take over the situation, and guilty about administering discipline. They don’t even know how to do it in many cases. So good intentions and a feeling of helplessness become frustration and anger as the child becomes increasingly uncontrollable, and it pours out into yelling.

Children become deaf to yelling – not that it doesn’t affect them at all, but they don’t respond favorably when yelled at continually. They learn to ignore it, to tune it out like so much white noise.

Yesterday I went to the county immunization center to get the H1N1 vaccine. As I waited for my name to be called, I was sitting across from a couple with two young children -adorable kids, a boy around 5 and a girl around 3. They were trying to deal with the restless little girl who threw a fit every other minute, literally. Her dad walked around with her, took her outside numerous times, showed her videos on his cell phone, and cajoled her into happiness in every way he could think of. Meanwhile, the mom snapped at the boy because he didn’t want to sit still in the chair. She was frazzled, frustrated, and would have been yelling if it wasn’t a public place. I recognized the symptoms easily because I have felt helpless frustration with out-of-control children many times myself.

I couldn’t help mentally comparing this unhappy family with a family with young children I know in our church. They act like completely normal children in many ways. If they were waiting in the office for an hour, they wouldn’t all have been sitting still, either, and the two-year-old boy would probably have been acting just like the little girl I saw. The difference is how their parents handle the situation. They are in authority, and they know it -  but instead of its being a power trip, it helps eliminate their frustration. They’re calmer when taking a child aside to be confronted or spanked, even if  it has to be done numerous times, and eventually, their consistent discipline bears fruit as their children grow older.

What’s the difference between these two families? Simple – the gospel. The parents of the first family are symptomatic of our culture’s mindset toward childrearing. The world’s view on this would have been different fifty years ago, but no less ungodly. The only reason the second family is different is because the parents understand God’s mercy and goodness, His holy standards, and are able to enforce discipline with both grace and firmness. Without Christ’s death on the cross for sinners, there would be no hope in trying to enforce moral behavior in children, but reminded of their own forgiven status and desirous of seeing their children know the Lord, Christian parents have hope.

This isn’t to say Christian parents never become frustrated or yell at their children. I know that’s not the case. The point is that only God can give parents the strength and wisdom they need, even though it is definitely a process of sanctification for the parents and not just the children! I’m sure I’ll be able to testify to that in a few years.

The big question raised by these studies is this: Has feminism produced unhappiness among women? That question is inescapable when seen in light of the historical context. The great transformation of society by feminism took shape only after the 1970s. As a political and social movement, feminism has been stunningly successful. In the span of a single generation, the society has been overwhelmingly transformed. But, over the same period, women report themselves less happy, especially as compared to men…

In reality, feminism was never only about opening doors for women. In order to make the case for the vast social transformation that feminism has produced, the feminist movement aspired to nothing short of a total social, moral, and cultural revolution. Along the way, feminism redefined womanhood, marriage, motherhood, and the roles for both men and women.

Nevertheless, it appears that most women are uncomfortable with this total package. Instead of producing a vast expansion of happiness among women, the feminist movement must now answer for the fact that women, by their own evaluation, appear to be less happy than before the revolution.

Dr. Mohler doesn’t expand on his belief for the reasons behind the state of female unhappiness in response to feminism – or he implies his reasons rather than stating them. It would seem that feminism, in attempting to give women more, more, more – more opportunities, more equality, more freedom – in reality struck a blow at the heart of what it means to be female. Feminism promises to give, but it has taken more than it has given.

Looking at this cultural context biblically is challenging. Certainly if a woman does not know the Lord, it does not matter whether she is a feminist or not. She might believe in and fulfill the most “traditional” roles for women, and yet still be ultimately unhappy and unfulfilled. The pre-feminist era was not a utopia of femininity, a shiny June Cleaver/Donna Reed world where women attained the elusive happiness they seek in vain today.

However, when roles for women were more clearly defined and commonly assumed, when they were closer to the Judeo-Christian tradition rooted in Scripture, even unbelieving women described themselves as more fulfilled. I think this is a testimony to the deep truth and power of God’s ways.

The fruit of cultural revolution, seen decades later, sheds light on my own heart. I am blessed to be aware of my biblical calling as a woman, including my specific calling right now as a wife and soon-to-be mother. My knowledge of this calling and my special role does not guarantee that I will be happy and fulfilled, for without intimate knowledge of and communion with Christ I will never be completely either completely (as my ongoing struggles with depression and self-pity testify). However, being assured in my purpose as a daughter of God does help provide me with security and confidence, as long as I am trusting Him to be ultimate fulfillment.

In between songs I could hear a man’s voice in loud and determined tones, his words blurred by the walls and doors between me and whoever was watching. I knew it was someone, perhaps even Obama, speaking at the inauguration, because otherwise I never would hear a TV or radio at work. So I heard, but I didn’t hear. I was isolated by the walls and the music and my responsibilities.

I wonder what else gets between me and true hearing, and not just hearing but listening. Jesus often said, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear” (Matt. 11:15, 13:9; Mark 4:9, 23; Luke 8:8, 14:35). Sometimes His voice is faint and muffled in my life, because I drown it out with other noise, even “pretty” noise. What does it mean for me to truly listen to Him, to sit at His feet and see Him only? To soak in His Word? My true Savior, not a political leader whom God has appointed for a season, but the only Hope, the only Change, the only Life. The Way, the Truth, and the Life.

This is a guest post by my fiance A.J.

I grew up in a non-Christian home.  But, I remember the emphatic excitement produced by my imagination around Christmas time.  Being the imaginative five year old I was, of course I believed in Santa Claus [because I was told he was real].  I remembered trying to imagine what he looked like and if he was really an old, fat and jolly man with rosy cheeks and a long gray beard.  Once, I was in bed one Christmas Eve [probably 1986 or so] and I did not want to sleep.  I remember pulling back the curtain to look into the sky just in case I saw something.  Low and behold, there was something in the sky that was moving and sparkling that I thought for sure was Santa Claus.  That night, I had my entire immediate family in my bedroom on Christmas Eve because I said something to the effect of, “Everyone come here, I see Santa in the sky on his sleigh!”  When I think about that today, it is incredibly humorous to know that I have gone to such lengths with my imagination.

Even today, something happens to me around Christmas time.  As a Marketing major in college, I pay particular attention to advertisements and items in retail stores.  Even though singing and dancing snowmen aren’t real, they are certainly depicted as being tangible.  Although reindeer can’t fly and talk, they are seen in the month of December as doing so.  It is the same with Santa Claus.  Although he is not real, he is used to bring about the “mood of Christmas” to the world.  I don’t know many people who are offended by the thought of him.  I am sure that most cultures and religions could agree on his purpose.  It is ok to fly across the sky with a team of reindeer to eventually shimmy down a chimney and deliver presents to those who have been “good.”  We apparently do not even have a problem with him eating the few cookies and drinking milk that we leave out for him before he leaves for the next house on late Christmas Eve.  Santa provides an extreme feeling of comfort and joy around Christmas time because nothing bad can possibly happen when he is involved.  I am sure children all across the world who have heard of him contemplate his being and character because of how great he sounds.  Santa is famous. 

There is no greater joy than seeing snow falling from the winter sky, blanketing the ground along with Christmas lights as far as the eye can see.  Christmas music listening while sipping hot cocoa next to a kindling fire provokes a joy that is seemingly unsurpassable.  When one is decorating a Christmas tree, the invigorating experience of happiness does not allow room to see that it will come down very soon.  The fellowship of loved ones during this season seems to be extra special because of the joy of Christmas.

As Christians, our whole worldview of the meaning of Christmas should be staunchly different than what the world accepts and respects.  Although it is fun to build a snowman, it is nothing other than solid water among the elements that God spoke into existence.  Most people enjoy the thought of Santa Claus.  But, he is a fable that doesn’t say much and certainly nothing about sin.  Christmas trees grow and are chopped down to simply die for our decorating pleasure.  It is part of our culture, society in the suburbs and the world at large.

May we learn, by Grace, to treasure a biblical worldview.  Although I am not saying that Christians should not buy Christmas trees and say the name “Santa,” we should most definitely acknowledge the reality and truth of what Christmas means; what the bible says about the human condition of sin, death and the fact that God sent a Savior to die for the sins of the ungodly.

“For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder.  And His name will be called Wonder Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  Of the increase of His government and peace, There will be no end, Upon the throne of David and over His kingdom, To order it and establish it with judgment and justice From that time forward, even forever.  The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this.” Isaiah 9:6-7

If we are Christians, Christmas does not mean that we get presents and watch Christmas movies.  Nor does it mean that it is time to buy a Christmas tree to be just like our neighbor.  Santa is a cute thought derived from one who was a saint, but he is gone just as fast as he comes.  The season of Christmas is merely a reminder of where true joy comes from, to those who are being saved.  It is a reminder that, by God’s Great Mercy, He provided a way.  This season should provoke a Spirit of gratefulness because a baby was born.  May we meditate on the reality of this baby that was and is God incarnate.  The very reason He was born is so that He could die for the sins of the world.  He was not quiet, but offended most people with the message of the Truth [The Gospel].  When we think about Christmas, may we think about the precious blood that brings a sinner to life so that we may participate in the beholding of the eternal Glorious Christ that forever surpasses seasonal joy.

“And she will bring forth a Son, and you shall call His name JESUS, for He will save His people from their sins.” Matthew 1:21

Christa at Empowered Traditionalist has written a really good introductory response to feminist thinking that results in lives like the one described above, lived by a woman who gives up marriage and children for a more “liberated” lifestyle. I like Christa’s thoughts because she bases them on Scripture, what God has to say about man and woman – since He is the one who created us, after all.

The results of modern feminism sadden me. As Christa says, almost all of us have been affected by it, often without even realizing it. On most points, feminism is just another expression of the sin nature that exists throughout the human race – our desire to give glory to ourselves instead of to God. In this generation, feminist ideologies have so seeped into our thinking that many of us don’t even realize Scripture says something different, something profoundly better.

We as women are doing ourselves and each other no favors when we sanction “girl power” and abortion and promiscuity. As Christian women, I think we have a responsibility to try to understand at least a little bit how feminism plays a role in the thinking of our culture, so we can better reach out to unbelieving women and younger sisters in Christ. That’s why I encourage you to go read Christa’s post and think about it in light of Scripture.

I began reading Beauty from the Heart around the same time I started Hope Road. It’s been one of my favorite blogs ever since. Hannah and Lindsey write in a way that resonates with my heart and the things I care about. A few weeks ago, they released their first promotional video for their upcoming conferences. The video is titled “Faces” and deals with the issue of physical beauty, although that’s just one of the issues they write about. I encourage you to watch it (GodTube users can watch here) and to read more from their blog.