Both Difficult and Wonderful : 1,000 Gifts
Photo by adwriter
This past week has been both difficult and wonderful. My mom and sister visited for a three-day weekend, which was the wonderful part. I loved their visit. Hopefully I can post some pictures when I get them.
The difficulty has been with Christian’s sleeping… or not sleeping. I’m unfair to him because I only mention his sleeping problems, but all in all he’s a good sleeper. But last week was the worst it’s ever been, due to teething. A.J. and I have felt like zombies… and I’ve taken two naps… which is history in the making, because I can never fall asleep to nap… not even in the newborn days.
Last night was better, so maybe tonight will be okay too? It’s almost 10 and he’s sound asleep… has been for an hour.
Meanwhile, my mom and sister flew out a few hours ago, and quiet has descended upon the house. I’m using the last moments of Monday to count my thankfuls.
265. The grace of God in desperate sleepless moments.
266. A.J.’s patience in driving Christian around to get him to fall asleep.
267. Watching That Darn Cat! and Baby, Take a Bow with my mom and sister.
268. Our trip to the beach today… it was Christian’s first time there. He was enthralled.
269. Watching a missions presentation at church on Sunday and seeing how God is at work through the church in South Korea.
270. Becoming more sensitive to critical thoughts and being reminded that “mercy triumphs over judgment.”
271. Reading a truly good novel.
272. My mom’s homemade oatmeal raisin cookies.
273. A vacation on a random Monday in October.
274. Beautiful weather this weekend.
275. Crisp fall air when we opened the front door this morning!
276. Christian’s adorableness in jeans.
277. His giggles when we play our own special game… he waves his arms and kicks his legs, and I *gasp* in excitement. He laughs.
Renewed : 1,000 Gifts
“You are crossed in your desires, and so you are discontented and vexed and fretted about it; is that your only misery, that you are crossed in your desires? No, no, you are infinitely mistaken; the greatest misery of all is for God to give you up to your heart’s lusts and desires, to give you up to your own counsels… Think thus: Lord, you have laid an afflicted condition upon me, but, Lord, you have not given me the plague of a hard heart.” (Jeremiah Burroughs)
Being a new mother has introduced me to unfamiliar pressures, a hand tightening around my selfishness. My carefully laid plans go awry. My desire for undisturbed peace, leisure, and perfect order goes unfulfilled. I must constantly go against my naturally untalkative disposition.
Small sacrifices, these, made by millions of mothers before me, my own mother and hers, generations of crying babies at midnight, sweet neediness and dependence. Some call it the giving up of personhood, as if I am no longer Anna, only Mama.
No, my life became fuller when my son was born. I know the yearning of maternal affection, the gathering him to my arms’ comfort when he is crying.
But in some sense perhaps I am giving up “personhood” – I am being emptied daily, and I can selfishly resent my responsibilities when I am just. so. tired… or I can choose to lean on the suffiency of grace for patience and compassion.
***
244. Separation anxiety. It must be grown out of, yes. But I am the calming equilibrium in my baby’s world… and I love that for now.
245. Ibprofen.
246. Galatians.
247. Being invited over for a meal and uplifting conversation.
248. People who give and give and give.
249. Friends who are willing to share their struggles.
250. Long-distance friends who stay in touch.
251. Whole wheat chocolate chip cookies.
252. Christian’s two bottom teeth.
253. My dad buying a webcam for us.
254. My mom! and sister! coming to visit! this weekend!
255. The fact that I have all five of my senses.
256. The ability to walk.
257. Freedom from life-altering disease.
258. Knowing that no matter what happens to my physical body, I am being renewed inwardly day by day.
259. Having comfort in looking forward to old age, something the world only dreads.
260. Seeing true beauty in women I know, far surpassing magazine covers.
261. The way the blogosphere allows me to connect with like-minded women.
262. A visit to the nearby outdoor mall on Saturday.
263. Being challenged and convicted in my faith.
264. The Spirit groaning for me when I don’t know how to pray.
Noticing : 1,000 Gifts
Written a couple of weeks ago. I published it then removed it because I felt that I was completely failing at it that day. Giving it another go today:
I’m learning that gratitude is not meant to be a brief hiatus from grumbling.
Nor is it a shallow list of creature comforts and temporary idols.
It is the practice of noticing.
Of quenching frustration and anxiety with truth.
Of not taking undeserved blessings for granted.
Of choosing to focus on His goodness when He gives and when He takes away.
I read these words in Martha Peace’s The Excellent Wife last night, and they pierced my heart like a dagger.
“The Christian wife can have that same passionate heart’s desire and continual delight in her Lord as she focuses her thoughts on what God is like (especially His goodness) and how He is working in her life to glorify Himself.
Where does such a heart come from? It is a grace gift from God to the believer… The wife’s responsibility is to ask God for that passion and then diligently to seek God through His written Word. She also has a responsiblity to cultivate a grateful attitude and thankfulness to God regardless of her circumstances. To cultivate a grateful attitude, she will have to deliberately think grateful thoughts to God even though she may not feel like it. God will do the rest, because it is consistent with His character that He answer such a prayer.
…Build contentment into your life. Frequently thank Him for your circumstances. Think about today and the future in a positive way, look forward to what God is going to do in your life and how He is going to be glorified through you.” (pp. 68, 70)
Frustation? Stress? Rising anxiety and tension? Grumbling? All a sign that I do not trust Him and delight in Him above all else.
I have much to learn.
So on this beautiful day, I continue counting… praying that this will be more than a list… more like a heart revolution.
229. Biblical teaching.
230. Friends with babies Christian’s age.
231. A husband who doesn’t mind me blogging about him. 
232. A good night’s sleep.
233. Lots of friend time last weekend.
234. Lots of family time this weekend.
235. My beautiful cousin getting married on Saturday.
236. My dad’s opportunity to serve in Haiti again.
237. Sorted laundry.
238. Christian’s cuddly sleepiness in the middle of the night.
239. My Bible, with all its personal underlinings.
240. A baby who wakes up as I’m about to write #240.
241. Ann Voskamp’s book.
242. September.
243. Christian’s mobility.
Those who make peace : 1,000 Gifts
It amazes me that with all my blessings, I am still unloving and self-centered.
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.” (James 1:19-21)
“So speak and act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.” (2:12-13)
”Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first
pure,
then peaceable,
gentle,
open to reason,
full of mercy and good fruits,
impartial
and sincere.
And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” (3:13-18)
210. Rest after a busy weekend.
211. Teaching the Bible to preschoolers.
212. Christian learning how to sit up.
213. Christian sleeping through the night… for over a week straight… finally.
214. A.J. playing with Christian as I write this post on Sunday afternoon.
215. Lots of friends coming over last week.
216. Lovely at-home days with Christian.
217. Visits with his grandparents.
218. A women’s small group meeting that was both encouraging and convicting.
219. Friends I can confess sin to.
220. Inner conviction when I am not spiritually-minded.
221. Getting my flat tire replaced.
222. Making Christian laugh.
223. Looking at Facebook pictures with A.J.
224. Watching a couple scenes of Gilmore Girls with A.J… he tolerated it!
225. Praying with him.
226. The fact that August is half over already and cooler weather is slowly approaching.
227. Two friends’ babies being born.
228. Grace, grace, grace…
In the middle of the night : 1,000 Gifts
“A man who is little in his own eyes will account every affliction as little, and every mercy as great.” (Jeremiah Burroughs)
(My cousin Brynna just wrote her first 1,000 gifts post… and my friend Joanna has started counting too.)
189. Eternal life!
190. A convicting sermon on living in eager anticipation for the return of Christ.
191. Watching The Hiding Place for the first time.
192. Christian’s confused face when I get him up from his nap and there are 5 people in the living room.
193. An adorable crocheted giraffe for Christian from my dear friend Sarah.
194. All gifts pointing to the Giver.
195. Technology.
196. My youngest sister Krista, who turns 19 tomorrow!
197. Christian’s newly organized closet.
198. A mama of 6 who offers to come over and watch Christian for me.
199. Friends who call when we miss church (we were visiting a friend’s).
200. The hymn “Be Still My Soul.”
201. Freedom from pain.
202. A gym membership.
203. A baby who falls asleep without assistance.
204. How happy he is to see me in the middle of the night.
205. Bible reading and prayer with A.J. in the morning.
206. Our little visitors shouting, “Bye, Anna! I love you!”
207. Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ.
208. Heaven.
209. Standing on Christ the solid Rock.
Washed Beneath : 1,000 Gifts
171. “There is a fountain filled with blood / Drawn from Emmanuel’s veins / And sinners washed beneath that flood / Wash all their sins away.”
172. Always, always having things to be thankful for. No matter what.
173. A husband who encourages me, prays for me, leads me, and treats me with love even when I am difficult.
174. The people who work hard to create a wonderful worship experience on Sunday mornings.
175. Words spoken in season, piercing my heart with the truth of the deep, deep love of the Lord.
176. Church friends having us over yesterday.
177. Adoption.
178. Watching Christian “swim” for the first time, and loving it.
179. Fat little legs kicking the water.
180. A first tooth poking through a baby gum.
181. An increasingly mobile baby who rolls and inches all over the floor.
182. Time to spend and talk with other mamas.
183. Pancakes and bacon (that weekend feeling) on a Monday morning.
184. Antibiotics when desperately needed.
185. Christian’s sad lip before he bursts into tears, needing comforting.
186. Getting to go to bed early last night even though Christian was wide awake (he practiced crawling with Daddy).
187. A new week.
188. Waking up again this morning.
Wedding : 1,000 Gifts
146. Glimpsing God’s grace and glory in our friends’ wedding yesterday.
147. Being with church family at the reception.
148. Christian’s sweet (albeit noisy) behavior the whole time.
149. A.J. taking Christian out and letting me watch the wedding.
150. Being out of the house almost the entire day yesterday. It’s refreshing for me!
151. Monday morning.
152. A surprisingly yummy mixture of Bolivian and Colombian coffee.
153. A napping little boy.
154. A messy house…
155. …But dishes that are mostly washed.
156. A clean slate.
157. The restful feeling of knowing my sins are forgiven.
158. Learning ever-so-slowly not to worry about what others think.
159. A Sunday school class full of 2- and 3-year-olds, some crying.
160. Meeting newborn babies.
161. Friends who offer to watch Christian for us.
162. A.J. running to the gas station at 10 p.m. to fill up one of my tires.
163. Heat lightning.
164. Very loud thunder.
165. A.J. getting Christian to sleep at 11:45 last night when I had tried unsuccessfully for 45 minutes.
166. Peaches.
167. Humidity.
168. My new (to me) breadmaker and a loaf of cinnamon sugar bread.
169. A cast of Christian’s baby foot.
170. The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment.
Tenderhearted : 1,000 Gifts
125. My hardworking dad who raised me up in the fear of the Lord.
126. My husband being such a tenderhearted father to our son. If I could’ve seen what kind of father he would be, I might’ve proposed the moment I met him. 
127. Three generations at the dinner table.
128. My son, by God’s grace, growing up in a home with married parents.
129. Not being in the hospital this Father’s Day (like I was last year).
130. My husband working to provide so I can stay home with Christian.
131. Monday morning.
132. The Lord’s faithfulness in giving His Word to me through other people.
133. Learning self-control… albeit very slowly.
134. Anxiety, to learn to trust Him.
135. Pain, to learn to seek Him.
136. Phone calls.
137. Beds to make.
138. Yellow cake with chocolate frosting. (We’ve had a lot of cake around here lately.)
139. The ability to communicate with my husband throughout his work day… i.e., not living in the 1950s (although I’d like to for other reasons!).
140. Tributes to dads on Facebook statuses.
141. Fresh mulch in our yard. It looks and smells so good.
142. Quiet down time during Christian’s nap.
143. Hanging out with friends who are moving away.
144. Videos of Christian’s antics.
145. Getting carried away with things to be thankful for.
Friend : 1,000 Gifts
108. My friend Sarah’s visit! She was one of my best friends and roommates in college. She has spent the past two years teaching at an international school in Bolivia. I see her a few times a year, thanks to her gracious inclusion of me in her travel plans. This was the first time she’d met Christian.
109. Being able to hear about half of the sermon yesterday while A.J. took care of Christian.
110. Time to journal and reflect.
111. Making a funfetti cake with Sarah.
112. Watching videos we made of ourselves and our “adventures.”
113. Not being pregnancy-nauseated for this visit, like I was last summer when she visited.
114. Our new DVD Life coming in the mail.
115. Running intervals in the gym.
116. Bethany Dillon’s CD Stop and Listen, which I bought on Friday. It’s been a real gift to me over the past few days.
117. Christian’s improved skills during tummy time.
118. “He leadeth me, O blessed thought / O words with heavenly comfort wrought.”
119. Singing “It Is Well With My Soul” at church yesterday.
120. A congregation that gets excited about worship.
121. Encouraging comments on Thursday’s post.
122. Sympathy when I am in pain.
123. Knowing that because all things work together for good to those who love God, I can thank Him for the hard things as well as the easy things.
124. Being able to call God Father.
Handwritten Pages : 1,000 Gifts
94. Less time spent online and more in the real world.
95. A sudden heavy rain shower in the middle of an oppressively hot afternoon.
96. Finishing a journal. It took me almost 11 months. It holds the story of my first year of marriage, my pregnancy, and Christian’s birth. What a blessed and tempestuous time in my life. I love to see God’s invisible handwriting all over my handwritten pages. Sometimes it’s not clear until I read it months later.
97. Colors. The world would be so dull in black and white.
98. A new necklace. I rarely buy jewelry, which makes it all the more fun when I do.
99. The brilliant green frog who crouched outside our front door yesterday.
100. The cuteness of Christian sucking his thumb.
101. Christian’s friendliness. He is already a little social butterfly. He loves people.
102. Breyer’s ice cream on sale – buy one get one free.
103. Children’s books from the library.
104. The Lord’s unending patience with me.
105. Wanting Jesus more.
106. Cross-references in my Bible.
107. Food in our refrigerator.
