Because He Loves Me
“Unacquaintedness with our mercies [and] our privileges… makes us go heavily, when we might rejoice; and to be weak, where we might be strong in the Lord… This is the will of God, that he may always be eyed as benign, kind, tender, loving, and unchangeable. Let, then, this be the saints’ first notion of the Father – as one full of eternal, free love towards them.” (John Owen, Of Communion with God)
“If we’re not completely convinced that his love is ours right now – fully and unalterably ours – we’ll always hide in the shadows, focusing on our performance, fearing his wrath… His love doesn’t fluctuate from day-to-day. It was settled the moment he set it upon you before the foundation of the world.” (Elyse Fitzpatrick, Because He Loves Me)
#410-418 of 1,000 gifts
the love of Christ
the fact that the Father loves me like He loves His Son!
His love forming my identity regardless of any other person
an overcast summer morning
friends’ willingness to watch Christian for me
playdates
banana bread
worship music
sharing in others’ joy
Sinfulness Isn’t Unique to Other People
Photo by withrow
Acting like a Pharisee is dangerously easy.
The customer ahead of me gripes to the cashier about a sale misunderstanding. The cashier says, “I’m sorry,” and the customer stalks away muttering, “No, you’re not.”
“What an impatient, petty person,” I think, secure in my superiority as I pay for my purchase.
That evening, A.J. isn’t as quick to help me with something as I’d like him to be. I walk around in a huff as I do it myself, unwilling to cut him slack even though he’s tired from a long day at work and normally takes a lot of responsibility.
What an impatient, petty person… who thinks she’s better than other impatient, petty people.
Hello, big neon flashing sign: sinfulness isn’t unique to other people. And God detests a prideful heart. “God, be merciful to me a sinner” should be my constant prayer.
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#401-409 of 1,000 gifts
forgiveness I don’t deserve…
…and being declared righteous!
being humbled by my own behavior
making faux pas – learning to take myself less seriously
26 months of marriage
physical energy
vitamins
consistent baby movement
the patience and kindness others show to me
When Small Things Disintegrate
It’s so easy… and dangerous… for me to be wise in my own eyes.
This is how I think: if I were healthy and not tired, I’d be more holy. If so-and-so treated me with more consideration, I wouldn’t get irritated. If God made everything go exactly the way I want it to, I’d be such a pleasant person!
I might be… but why?
“Selfish joy is utterly dependent on things continuing to go our way, so when something upsets the applecart on which our joy is relying, we… are plunged into anger or anxiety or depression.” (Lydia Brownback, Joy)
When I give thanks for small things, it’s not because they’re the source of my joy. If I forget that, I fall apart when small things disintegrate.
If I look at the little blessings the right way, I can thank Him, yet rest secure because He is my joy. I’m learning…
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#390-400 of 1,000 gifts
the sweet privilege of spending time in the Word
that feeling of being unsettled when my heart is out of sync with His
grace for my critical heart
knowing that I’ve changed, even when others see the same old me
rest for my heart when my body is tired
a candle burning on Sunday afternoon
my husband studying
quiet music on Pandora
blue, blue Florida sky
being incredibly encouraged/inspired/challenged by a sister in Christ
being completely understood by my Father in heaven
I Know That You Are For Me
Photo by Road Fun
This Thanksgiving week, I am seeking to rest in one truth.
“This I know, that God is for me.” (Psalm 56:9)
“If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:31, 32)
He is on my side.
Not because I am good, or righteous. Because of Jesus, who took His Father’s wrath, so that I would be forgiven, adopted, and made alive.
Often I go through my days and various trials with the underlying fear that I am still His enemy, that He’s “out to get me,” but this is a lie… He is for me.
No matter what my circumstances tell me. I need greater faith.
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#377 – 389 of 1,000 gifts
God is not angry with me
Jesus was hungry, thirsty, and tired for me
when I wake up, it’s not to a blank hopelessness
I will be in heaven 100 years from now
humans are not my last resort
I have a Bible in English
I can pray
He opened my blind eyes
He gave me faith
being inwardly renewed though my body is wasting away!
when I am afraid, I have Him to turn to
no matter what happens, He will be there
my sin is GONE.
Grumbling As I Pick Up Miraculous
Photo by open-arms
I trust in complaining more than I trust in gratitude. Complaining will make me safe. It is a refuge for me when I am in That Place: tired, in pain; don’t know how-I-can-do-this-another-day.
Words of complaining bubble up in my heart and pour out, one First World grievance after the next, drenching my husband, the pages of my journal, even my prayers.
Spoiled Israelite, grumbling as I pick up miraculous manna morning after morning. Staying in That Place is easier than dwelling in the holy place of gratitude, where I reach, yearn for Jesus and beg for deep wells of thankfulness, of contentment.
That Place is all me. And the place of contentment? It’s all Him. He does it. And I am foolish… I would so often rather depend on myself.
I am untrained in godliness. Someday, maybe I will be sanctified to the point that gratitude is a learned spiritual rhythm, my heart’s default pattern. For now, it is a battle.
Yet Jesus has already won the battle! His love compels me to press on.
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#353 – 366 of 1,000 gifts
knowing my sins are forgiven
mercies new, even when I wake up in default irritable mode
cold air through open windows
pumpkin flavored coffee creamer
new Bible, same ancient words to treasure
four-day weekends coming up
pretty book covers
pain that forces me to seek His strength
baby’s crinkled nose and mischievous expression
husband’s hugs
the way he is so different from me, breaking me out of my shell
“stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blessed / finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest”
the Pharisee who thanked God that he was not as other men are, because that is me
and being driven to pray like the tax collector, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner”
Home Vignettes : 1,000 Gifts
Photo by Jer Kunz
341. Folded baby clothes, waiting till after naptime to be put away.
342. Tall stacks of books.
343. My little collection of jewelry spread out on the bed next to the jewelry box A.J. gave me when we started courting.
344. Sunshine patterns through window blind slats.
345. Snuffy the Elephant lying facedown in a corner of the kitchen.
346. Board books from the library.
347. Little messy spots.
348. A printout next to the computer: A Divine and Supernatural Light, Immediately Imparted to the Soul by the Spirit of God, Shown to be Both Scriptural and Rational in Doctrine: A Sermon by Jonathan Edwards.
349. Bibles.
350. A partly-finished novel on the table.
351. Wedding pictures.
352. Quiet.
Equip me to be joyful : 1,000 Gifts
When I got married, the ladies in my church gave me a cookbook filled with recipes from each one of them. Each lady also contributed a little tidbit of marriage advice.
This morning I was looking for a recipe and I came across this:
“My advice to you as a new wife is to cultivate joy in your home from the beginning… Your joy will bring your husband refreshment and your home will be a refuge to him and your future children. Pray that God will equip you to be joyful at all times (stressful, hormonal, pregnancies, etc.). The joy of the Lord will be your strength!”
How poorly I have followed this advice lately. It’s been a very stressful season, and A.J. receives the brunt of my stress. He is so patient. He gently reminded me recently of the need to cultivate gratitude in all circumstances. Yet again, a reminder that jotting down a list of “thankfuls” on Mondays means nothing if I’m not joyful throughout the week.
God is reminding me of how I need to exhibit the fruit of JOY in my life… by the power of the Spirit.
Oh God, equip me to be joyful at all times… May Your joy be my strength…
Photo by yugoQ
325. My parents’ two-part birthday gift to me, The Joy of Cooking,
326. and one of Lydia Brownback’s new devotionals, Joy: A Godly Woman’s Adornment. (See? I am being reminded.)
327. New clothes from my sisters! They got me a dress with leggings and two cute sweaters. Yay for generous sisters with great fashion sense!
328. Gifts and cards from my relatives.
329. An ice cream cake from A.J.
330. Chocolate cookies and Twizzlers from my mom.
331. Pumpkin spice muffins.
332. A delicious dinner and fellowship with friends last night.
333. A friend who chooses to serve on her birthday instead of being served.
334. People who encourage me when I complain instead of criticizing me.
335. Uplifting conversations with spiritually-minded friends.
336. A pumpkin spice latte! Finally.
337. November warmth and sunshine.
338. The book of Ephesians. So powerful I could linger in the first chapter for months. Or years.
339. My husband. He should really be on the list every week.
340. A good night’s sleep last night. I may never take sleep for granted again.
Generosity : 1,000 Gifts
Photo by micah.e
A couple of nights ago while sitting in Christian’s room, I looked around and noticed anew how much other people have given us.
I am overwhelmed by generosity. Every item on my list today was a gift from someone else.
307. My new bike, an early birthday present from A.J.
308. Christian’s crib, a gift from our home group.
309. Christian’s dresser.
310. Our couch and chair.
311. Our TV and DVD player (on loan, but still!).
312. A delicious loaf of bread, a gift from my friend at church today.
313. A baby closet bursting with clothes, new and hand-me-down, from family and friends.
314. My car (partially).
315. The rocking chair in Christian’s room.
316. Our washing machine and dryer.
317. A kitchen full of dishes, utensils, and appliances.
318. Sheets, bedding, and towels.
319. Picture frames.
320. A beautiful vase from my nana.
321. Our video camera.
322. Lovely handmade quilts for Christian.
323. Baby paraphranelia – toys, a high chair, exersaucer, pack ‘n’ play, etc.
324. The love of our family and friends – relationships that surround us and are worth much more than any material possession.
Endless : 1,000 Gifts
Photo by elenaerda
294. The hope of healing.
295. Dancing with Christian to Brooke Fraser: “You’re sweet, sweeter than honey tea / You’re precious and worth more than gold to me”
296. A.J.’s patient and comforting words to me during my health struggles over the past week.
297. Renewing my devotional times.
298. Cool weather.
299. A successful and delicious recipe: pork roast and mashed red potatoes.
300. Our women’s meeting last Wednesday.
301. A.J. and Christian eating supper together last night.
302. Not being in the midst of homeschooling right now.
303. “All things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.”
304. Lunch with a friend from church and her children.
305. Having endless gratitude points to choose from, no matter what.
306. Being reminded that my life is not my own.
Jesus I Come : 1,000 Gifts
Photo by UGArdener
278. Being convicted of sin.
279. Having family over to visit.
280. Having friends over to visit.
281. An 8.5-hour night’s sleep.
282. My mom reading Christian a story over Skype.
283. Pumpkin pie.
284. Conflict resolution.
285. Keeping the house consistently picked up.
286. New toys for Christian from his Grams.
287. “I’ll be praying for you.”
288. Texts from my sister.
289. My pillow.
290. A “new” Bible – one I used a few years ago and never underlined.
291. The Excellent Wife.
292. The park.
293. “Out of the fear and dread of the tomb,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
Into the joy and light of Thy home,
Jesus, I come to Thee;
Out of the depths of ruin untold,
Into the peace of Thy sheltering fold,
Ever Thy glorious face to behold,
Jesus, I come to Thee.”
