Hope Road

A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit ****

Shalit’s Girls Gone Mild, with its discussion of the pressure on girls to be s*xy, tough, and emotionally detached, whet my appetite for A Return to Modesty with its hints at a less-than-reticent culture. It is no secret that modesty in dress, speech, and demeanor is less-than-popular these days. Wendy takes an in-depth look at the scope and effects of this lack of modesty, and she also highlights how culture in general, and women in particular, are beginning to change some things as a response.

One of the strongest points in the book is the emphasis on how natural modesty really is. Shalit gives convincing evidence, with which many girls will have an internal connection, that one of the most important traits of a young girl is her tendency towards embarrassment. Shalit then demonstrates how the culture tries to smash this tendency out of girls, and everyone else, so that we can be open and free with ourselves and the world. But the sad thing about it is that it has made us lose much more than anything we’ve gained out of it.

My favorite part of the book was the inclusion of quotations from old courtesy manuals and young men’s and women’s etiquette guides from an older time. Standards have changed so much, and these quotations illustrate that powerfully. Similarly, a mere 60 years ago, there was a court battle in Michigan over whether a woman should be allowed to be a bartender. The conclusion reached was that a woman could not be a bartender unless the bar was owned by her husband or father. Presumably, the behavior of the men at a bar tended by a woman could be disprespectful or endangering, but if her husband or father was the owner, the men would behave themselves. How things have changed in such a short time!

Shalit does not advocate a return to every modesty law of our grandparents’ generation; neither does she construct specific guidelines for young women. Rather, she aims at the heart of the matter by showing that we as women have so much more to gain by modesty, and that we can influence the behavior of men by how much we expect of them. I would love to share this book with so many young women who do not feel they have the right to withhold any part of themselves, and who need to experience the freeing power of a life of modesty.

Recommended age level: 16+.