Two Under 2: Things I’ve Learned (Guest Post)

I’m excited to welcome my first guest author in the Two Under 2 series: Jessica Telian of Something Simple. Jessica is the mama of Cedar and Genoa, and I loved reading what she had to say about the experience of mothering two little ones so close together in age. I completely relate to so many of the things she’s shared here… her fifth point was so encouraging for me to reread since Eliza was born. Thank you very much for sharing, Jessica!

I’m still looking for more submissions to this series, so if you’d like to contribute, please email me at annakristine270(at)yahoo(dot)com.

At the end of April, I became the mama of two little ones under the age of two.  My daughter, Genoa, was born when my son, Cedar, was only sixteen months old.  And in the past few months, I’ve learned several things about this challenging, but wonderful, season of my life.

1. It’s probably not going to be as hard as you think it will be: When I was pregnant with Genoa, and mothering Cedar, the thought of multiplying this times two was rather intimidating.  But after Genoa was born, I realized that it doesn’t actually multiply times two and being a mama to two wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.  Granted, this may not apply to everyone, especially if you have extra circumstances like a colicky baby, etc.  But for me, and for several of my friends who also have two under two, it wasn’t nearly as hard as we thought it would be…and I think I know why.  When you have your first baby, everything changes!  You don’t get nearly as much sleep, you can’t do all the things you could before. So when you think of adding another child to everything, you think that the change will be as dramatic as the first since that’s all you have experience with.  But when you transition from one child to two, you’re already in "kid mode".  Things have already changed from having your first so it’s just a matter of figuring out logistics of adding another little person to the mix.

2. Simplify and get a system: This is a big part of figuring out the logistics of adding another little person to the mix.  Simplifying your life and figuring out a system of doing things that works for your family can do a lot for cutting down on the stress of having two littles under two.  For us this means having the diaper bag packed and ready to go at all times.  So when we randomly decide to go out as a family, or when I’m getting ready to go grocery shopping, all I need to do is grab a few diapers off the nearby stack, stuff them in the bag and we’re good to go…one less thing to think about in getting everybody out the door.  Another example is simplifying Cedar’s toys and implementing a routine that keeps them picked up at several times during the day, thus greatly reducing the stress of having a house constantly cluttered with toys.  Basically, think about whatever aspects of your life with littles stresses you out the most and figure out a system that would simplify it and thus make it a little easier for you.  A stressed mama equals stressed kids equals more stress.  Not good!

3. Try to stick with some kind of routine, at least for the mornings: For some people this will be easier than others, but I’ve found that keeping to the same basic routine for at least part of the day really ends up stabilizing both of my littles.  With Cedar taking a long nap in the morning, that has been the best segment of the day to do this with for us.  Granted, there are days where our mornings are thrown completely off, and life happens, and my kids just need to learn to go with the flow.  But trying to plan grocery shopping and going out for the afternoon while leaving our mornings at home usually ends up making the whole day go better.

4. When you go out, if at all possible, don’t rush: This is another one that can’t always happen in all situations, but if it can, it’s a good thing to strive for.  With two littles, everything inevitably takes longer when you go out…two to put in carseats, two diapers to change, etc.  So allow more than ample time.  Knowing that you have that time takes stress off you, which takes stress off them…everyone is much happier.

5. Remember that, sometimes you won’t be able to meet everybody’s needs right away and, that’s okay: A friend gave me this advice when I was pregnant with Genoa and I’ve thought about it often since then.  When you have one baby, you’re usually able to meet his or her needs pretty quickly.  But when you have two, there’s only one you and despite doing all you can do, sometimes you can’t meet both of their needs at once.  Example: you’re changing the toddler’s diaper and the baby starts crying, but you can’t get to her right away so she has to cry alone for a couple minutes.  Or the toddler needs help with something (not urgent), but you’re nursing the baby to sleep and you know that if you move right away, she’ll wake up.  There definitely are things you can do to minimize this happening (like tandem-nursing and baby-wearing), but there will be times where the baby will cry and you can’t get to her right away or the toddler will have to play alone for awhile, and that’s okay.  If, as the mama, you’re stressed out about not being able to meet both babies’ needs every time, your attitude will start to affect everyone else (it always does) and things will start to go downhill fast.

6. Enjoy the riches: In the first several weeks of having two under two, the overwhelming feeling I had was not sleeplessness, or being stretched too thin…it was of being incredibly rich.  Being able to drink in the sweet milky scent of infant and have my baby fall asleep on my chest, and also being able to watch my toddler learn and grow and explore the world…it’s amazing!  Yes, being a mama to two under two definitely has its hard times, but the joys certainly outweigh them. And with each day, I’m seeing more and more that my babies will only be babies for such a short period of time and I want to enjoy each moment I can with them.

There are many more things that the Lord has taught me in this continuing journey of motherhood, but those are the ones that stand out to me.  Bonus tip: read Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic.  Rachel has five littles ages five and under, so she’s definitely been where I’m at.  It’s a short little book, written very casually, but so full of wisdom and encouragement for mamas of littles.