Becoming a Second-Time Mom
Thunder is rumbling faintly overhead. I’m crashing from the sugar high following three glasses of lemonade (bad idea). I brought today’s original to-do list down to more manageable proportions based on my fatigue, and I asked A.J. to pick up pizza on his way home.
The rest of the afternoon = finishing laundry, making the bed (instead of washing the sheets), putting away clean dishes, and heading to the library, if the weather cooperates. Oh, and working in 40 minutes of pilates somewhere along the way.
I love that Christian’s naptimes are my free time, and with each one that I enjoy now I’m beginning to think about the nonstop roller coaster ride it’s going to be with two little ones to care for.
We wanted to have two babies close in age, but I know the initial season is going to be especially difficult. These fears plague me the most:
1) Surviving sleep deprivation. I can’t nap during the day, and I didn’t when Christian was a newborn, but I did coast through on autopilot. I could read, watch Gilmore Girls, or zone out while I was feeding him. I didn’t have to worry about preparing meals for anyone but myself, or changing two sets of diapers.
I hung a quilt over Christian’s window that day to see if he would sleep better… instead, he pulled it down. I should’ve seen that one coming.
2) Caring for Christian. How am I going to keep such a young toddler happy and be consistent with his training while a) exhausted and b) nursing? I still want to take him outside, play with him, read to him, and discipline him as needed. I want to be creative in helping him learn and grow. Can I be a good mom to him while caring for a newborn too?
3) Getting things done. I’ll happily sacrifice my to-do list and deep cleaning for awhile, but not balanced meals, clean clothing, a reasonably tidy home, and basic self-care. My family’s health and happiness depend on having good food and clean clothes. And I won’t live in a mess in my pajamas, because I’m a better mom and less prone to depression when I’m put together, eat well, and exercise. Yet there’s a nagging fear that somehow I’ll fail in all of these areas while mothering a newborn and a toddler.
Self-portrait in the car… classy.
I realize the newborn days pass so quickly, but it’s tempting to want to skip over their unpredictability and head straight to the routine of knowing what to expect when. I am encouraged remembering how much newborns really do sleep, and knowing that I have a Moby Wrap this time, which I hope will help tremendously.
I’ve enjoyed reading Thoughts and Whatnots and lowercase letters even more since being pregnant, because both LeAnna and Carissa have two littles under the age of two. I know a lot of other moms have been where I’m going to be!
What are your survival tips, encouragements, and dire warnings for a second-time mom? 
Because He Loves Me
“Unacquaintedness with our mercies [and] our privileges… makes us go heavily, when we might rejoice; and to be weak, where we might be strong in the Lord… This is the will of God, that he may always be eyed as benign, kind, tender, loving, and unchangeable. Let, then, this be the saints’ first notion of the Father – as one full of eternal, free love towards them.” (John Owen, Of Communion with God)
“If we’re not completely convinced that his love is ours right now – fully and unalterably ours – we’ll always hide in the shadows, focusing on our performance, fearing his wrath… His love doesn’t fluctuate from day-to-day. It was settled the moment he set it upon you before the foundation of the world.” (Elyse Fitzpatrick, Because He Loves Me)
#410-418 of 1,000 gifts
the love of Christ
the fact that the Father loves me like He loves His Son!
His love forming my identity regardless of any other person
an overcast summer morning
friends’ willingness to watch Christian for me
playdates
banana bread
worship music
sharing in others’ joy
Infant Communication 101
So, do you want to hear about one of my biggest challenges and fears as a mom?
The need to talk to my baby, and the fear that I wouldn’t talk to him enough.
I am not a natural talker. Now, before A.J. comments to let you all know otherwise (hehe), I do enjoy having conversations, and I can be quite verbose once I get on a roll. But I am not a person who chit-chats to fill up the air. My default mode is not talking.
But I strongly believe in the importance of being verbal with your baby for their speech and mental development. The more I learned about it, the more I was committed to it.
Of course I loved talking baby talk and sweet nothings to my little cutie, but when I was so tired from being up repeatedly at night, it was hard to keep up the chitter chatter!
But with time, it has gotten much easier. I find myself naturally talking to him now, as opposed to reminding myself. The older he gets, the more he is able to understand and respond, which is very rewarding and encouraging to continue.
I read that back-and-forth “conversations” help a lot, even with a pre-verbal child, and I love to pretend we’re actually having a discussion when I respond to a string of babbling. 
I’m not perfect in this area, and sometimes I envy other moms who seem to be more enthusiastic and natural talkers than I am. But the Lord has been good to give me reminders and encourage me to persevere.
I was most anxious about this challenge with my firstborn, because I am home alone with him most of every day and I affect him more than anyone else. I think it will come a little more easily with Baby #2, because she’ll have a built-in talker besides me.
Some of Christian’s most-used words and phrases: “There you go!” (I say this all the time), “car,” “Bible,” and of course, “Mama.” He says quite a few other words and I have to admit some of my favorites are the unintelligible ones only A.J. and I understand, like his garbled versions of “flowers” and “toothbrush.”
I’d love to hear what any of you have to share on this topic!
Baby Bump: 26 Weeks
I broke down and took another pregnancy picture (who coined the phrase “baby bump”? I’m not sure I like it). Seeing as I haven’t shared one since nine weeks, I thought it was time. 
(I’ll attempt to share biweekly updates from now until I deliver, like Callie did during her pregnancy – I thought that was a good time frame.)
Size of baby: According to BabyCenter, about 1 2/3 pounds – the size of an English hothouse cucumber (as opposed to a regular, ordinary cucumber, I guess?).
Total weight gain/loss: Around 10 pounds gained.
Maternity clothes: I’m in them almost completely. I had to get a couple more new things this month, but I am set for the rest of my pregnancy, I think.
Movement: I love this part. A.J. was able to see her moving from the outside for the first time last week. She still moves quite a bit, especially when I’m sitting down, or after I eat.
Sleep: How I am enjoying these last few months of sleep before the overnight newborn marathon begins again. I finally added pillow #4 last week. From what I remember, I eventually added a fifth pillow behind my back last time. It gets a little crowded.
What I miss: Guiltlessly lying flat on my back! Not worrying about separated stomach muscles and a high heart rate while I’m exercising.
Cravings: I haven’t had too many cravings over the past couple weeks. Pizza does sound good though.
Symptoms: Last week I had a lot of nausea and heartburn – fun! I had to refill my Zofran prescription and eat smaller meals more frequently. I’m feeling better this week without taking anything.
What I am looking forward to: My doctor’s appointment on Thursday, although I’m taking my one-hour glucose test, which isn’t fun… but that’s when they have you fill out all the labor and delivery paperwork, which makes it seem so real and close!
Milestone(s): None really… getting close to the third trimester!
Best moment this week: Christian pointing to my belly when I ask, “Where’s your sister?”
Little handprints, unfinished books, and other miscellany.
1. Father’s Day 2011.
I had fun “planning” Father’s Day with Christian this year. I can’t wait until he actually knows what’s going on!
We got A.J. a card and a double picture frame with a picture of Christian on one side and his handprint on the other. Christian carried the card to A.J. first thing in the morning, all sleepy-eyed… so cute.
Having Skype is such a blessing when you live far away from family. We were able to “see” my dad for a few minutes.
2. Reading blogs and being materialistic.
When I read my subscriptions on Google Reader, I often end up struggling with envy and discontentment. I feel like I should have a handcrafted necklace, or adorable vintage baby clothes, or an expensively decorated nursery, or a huge wardrobe for myself. I need to learn to enjoy others’ finds and creations without stewing over what I can’t have.
3. Unfinished books.
Not finishing a book feels so wrong to me, yet three books that I began several months ago are lying on my bookshelf, incomplete. I fully plan on completing them, but when? I keep starting newer, more interesting ones. Neglected books, I’ll get to you someday…
4. Mini meal plan.
I did my best at planning simpler meals for the upcoming week. Here’s the tentative plan (four of them are crock pot meals):
M: tilapia, rice, asparagus
T: calzones, salad
W: honey dijon chicken, couscous, green beans
R: chicken parmesan, salad
F: turkey tacos, corn on the cob
S: chicken alfredo stew, homemade rolls
S: pork roast and sweet potatoes
5. Another exercise update.
My nausea of last week was a bit of a setback – I only exercised three times, which is less than I prefer right now. I’m feeling a lot better and am excited to get back in gear this week. I just got a new exercise DVD (above), and it’s good for toning and in-between days. I’m so thankful for the energy and physical ability to stay active!
Have a happy Monday, friends!
Cooking and Trying Too Hard
Score one for nausea and zero for productivity this week! I have been sick to my stomach off and on since last Saturday. It’s been a downer after feeling so good for a month or two!
Enter my meal plan for the week:
Tuesday’s last-minute switch, chicken corn chowder: FAIL. Too much corn, not enough chicken.
Wednesday’s beef fajitas: FAIL. I ran out of time and made turkey dogs and whole-wheat mac ‘n’ cheese instead. (At least I tried to be a little healthy about it. Ha.)
Thursday’s Italian chicken with chickpeas: FAIL. I was not waiting till 5:30 pm so I could chop and saute things. I threw chicken, spices, and salsa in the crock pot to serve on tortillas.
And the moral of the story? I’m too ambitious sometimes! Trying new and time-consuming meals can be fun, but I’m nearing the third trimester and I need to think more simply. (And use my crock pot more… it’s way too hot to use the oven!)
Next week, I’m thinking of meals like chicken with couscous, stir fry, meat and potatoes… quick and basic!
What are your go-to easy (+ frugal and healthy) meals?
Prettiness and a Plug
Now that I know I’m having a little girl, I’m excited to finally get to dress her… something I’ve been waiting for since the days of American Girl dolls! Pink, purple, dresses, hair bows, oh my…
Speaking of hair (yes, that was a lead-in), a friend of ours just opened her Etsy shop, Sugar and Spice, and I wanted to share her creations:
Go here to check out the rest!
Choosing a Baby Name
The all-important decision of what to name your baby makes it feel like you’re giving them an identity. You don’t want your child to have the same name as five of their friends, but you also don’t want to name them Moxie CrimeFighter or something no one can spell.
It’s a hard balance to strike. And then there’s the fear that you’ll pick the perfect name and suddenly it will shoot to the top of the charts and everyone will be named Emerson or Fiona.
Naming Baby Two was a hard decision for me. Our girl name for Christian was Abigail, a name A.J. has always loved. We assumed it as our girl name with this pregnancy, too.
After our gender ultrasound, I was assuming she was Abigail, but I wasn’t 100% sure. It’s a beautiful name, but I had two issues with it: 1) it’s extremely popular (the seventh most popular baby name in 2010), and 2) it’s almost guaranteed to be shortened to Abby, and I think Abigail is prettier.
A.J. suggested the name Tabitha, another one he’d always liked. I hadn’t considered it before, but I found myself liking it because 1) it’s an old name that everyone knows how to spell, 2) it’s not popular, and 3) it’s part of a meaningful Bible story.
So we decided on Tabitha.
I have to admit I’ve had second thoughts since then, mostly because people associate the name with Bewitched, which I’ve barely watched. I hope that won’t stick, though. After all, Samantha was a witch too, and people don’t constantly make that association.
Most people I’ve asked really like the name, and that helps. So does this celebrity baby, Sarah Jessica Parker’s daughter Tabitha Hodge Broderick (on the right). Isn’t she adorable?
I also think Christian and Tabitha sound cute together, and Tabitha sounds good with our last name.
So… I think I’m still set on Tabitha. I’m hoping my second thoughts wear off by the time she’s born!
What are some of your favorite baby names, or what process did you go through deciding what to name your baby?
Notice the Married Moments
What girl doesn’t enjoy a sojourn in 19th-century England with Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy?
We love romance and the epic drama of falling in love.
And then we get married and our “happily ever after” begins. And suddenly it’s about grocery shopping, and getting up with the baby on Saturday morning, and how to fit in a date night, and fixing a broken faucet, and the alarm clock on Monday morning… in other words, what’s known as “real life.”
When A.J. and I were engaged, I was always sad when we had to part ways for the day. I wanted to share even the insignificant moments like brushing our teeth, or eating a bowl of cereal in the morning, or ironing work clothes. Being with him was all that mattered, even in the most ordinary moments.
It’s easy to forget that now, and invest my emotions in overt gestures of romance and unhindered time together, but what’s really going to count through all these years are the mundane times and living them as one.
I’m the one he comes home to at night… we eat dinner together and play with Christian… I wash his clothes and put them away… I pack his lunch for him (usually) and I know what flavors of yogurt and granola bars he likes… we know each other’s idiosyncrasies and embarrassing habits… he makes me laugh like no one else can… he provides for my financial needs… he reads Scripture in the morning before work… he brings in the mail at the end of the day… he gives Christian a bath while I wash the dishes after dinner.
Yes, this is the stuff of life. This is the way we get to live together, and if God gives us fifty years most of them will be spent in the small married moments, not the grandiose ones. And I’m so happy he’s the one who’s living the everyday with me.
Sinfulness Isn’t Unique to Other People
Photo by withrow
Acting like a Pharisee is dangerously easy.
The customer ahead of me gripes to the cashier about a sale misunderstanding. The cashier says, “I’m sorry,” and the customer stalks away muttering, “No, you’re not.”
“What an impatient, petty person,” I think, secure in my superiority as I pay for my purchase.
That evening, A.J. isn’t as quick to help me with something as I’d like him to be. I walk around in a huff as I do it myself, unwilling to cut him slack even though he’s tired from a long day at work and normally takes a lot of responsibility.
What an impatient, petty person… who thinks she’s better than other impatient, petty people.
Hello, big neon flashing sign: sinfulness isn’t unique to other people. And God detests a prideful heart. “God, be merciful to me a sinner” should be my constant prayer.
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#401-409 of 1,000 gifts
forgiveness I don’t deserve…
…and being declared righteous!
being humbled by my own behavior
making faux pas – learning to take myself less seriously
26 months of marriage
physical energy
vitamins
consistent baby movement
the patience and kindness others show to me
