On Solitude and Being a SAHM
I only worked 10 hours a week for most of my first pregnancy. I stayed home a lot. (And I’m very thankful I could, because daycares + 2-year-olds + 4 months of sickness don’t mix well.)
When Christian was born I struggled a lot less with loneliness and depression. I felt like I had a purpose for being home now, instead of aimlessly waiting for the days to pass and keeping up with my to-do list. This was what I had been waiting for!
But that doesn’t mean I still don’t feel alone sometimes as a mom.
It’s easier for me to be alone than it is for some people, I realize. I’m an introvert, and if I’m around people for too long, I need a break to recharge. I think, though, no matter who you are, it gets a little wearisome spending 40-50 hours a week with only your toddler for company. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christian, I love staying home with him, and I know many women would love to have this opportunity. And we do get out of the house and see people during the week. But the majority of the time I’m at home… and sometimes it still takes some getting used to.
For some reason when I think of solitude I think of extreme examples, like Corrie ten Boom being imprisoned alone for several months before she was sent to a concentration camp, or Richard Wurmbrand, who was punished for his faith with solitary confinement for over a decade.
That helps give me some perspective. Those great saints were able to psychologically and emotionally weather the solitude by relying on Christ and knowing they weren’t ever truly alone.
Obviously my home is not a prison, and I don’t look at it that way – but how much more can the “first world problem” of SAHM solitude (or solitude + a toddler) be a reminder for me to rely more on the Lord for comfort and encouragement.
photo credit
It definitely doesn’t apply only to SAHMs, and I think that’s something to remind ourselves of. It’s possible to feel isolated in many circumstances of life. I think being part of a church body is vital in this situation as any other. Whether you’re socializing throughout the week or not, being connected to other believers is a gift that helps stave off isolation.
Sorry – that was supposed to read “my SAHM friends” …
This is so where I’m at right now. I left a full-time job that I really loved and almost a year and a half later I find myself still missing it more than I ever thought I would. The funny thing is that I didn’t think I’d struggle with the solitude of being home because I also tend to be an introvert. But I find myself really missing the people I worked with and the projects I worked on and the feeling of being a part of something.
I love my little boy and I wouldn’t have it any other way; I’m so thankful that I can stay home with him. I know it can really be hard to express this {what I believe to be very normal} sentiment without feeling guilty or ungrateful, so thank you for this post 
Thanks, Mandie. I think becoming a mom is a lot about giving up control of how our days go and what we get accomplished, and maybe we introverts also tend to be more type A, so it’s really difficult in that aspect!
Have you considered teaming up with a SAHM with children similar ages to your’s? A few people I know do this; they spend one day a week at the others house (for 2 people this would mean 2 days a week, one day at each others house), or just a morning if that is all you can manage.
You spend the time helping with each others jobs around the house. Jobs get done, (usual chores and bigger things that you can’t seem to face on your own, or cooking batch meals), you get to spend consistent time with another adult, the children can play together, you give each other encouragement at this time of life.
I have a few friends who do this, and I hope to do it when I have children. It really seems to help lift the lonliness without adding another ‘thing’ you have to do. In most other cultures SAHM’s don’t spend time alone like we do in the west. It may seem a little weird at first but I think if you team up with the right person it can be a great blessing.
I like this idea, Erin! A few friends and I are trying to start regular weekly playdates. Even seeing other moms once or twice a week helps a lot!
And I like that you pointed out that this culture is particularly isolating for SAHMs. I think throughout history, moms would be in community a lot more – not just with other moms, but with members of their extended family.
Wow … thank you for this, Anna. It’s very honest! I’ve often wondered how my SAHM feel about this aspect of being a SAHM, but I haven’t liked to ask in case I touch a sore spot. I must admit that being a SAHM does look kind of lonely from the outside and that’s the aspect that I don’t look forward to with unalloyed excitement when I look forward to being a wife and a mother someday; but I love the lessons you’ve drawn from the solitude. I think they’re lessons that all of us can apply to our lives – I know I can, next time I’m at home on my own and tempted to fret because of the sense of solitude. Praying for you and your babies …