Grumbling As I Pick Up Miraculous
Photo by open-arms
I trust in complaining more than I trust in gratitude. Complaining will make me safe. It is a refuge for me when I am in That Place: tired, in pain; don’t know how-I-can-do-this-another-day.
Words of complaining bubble up in my heart and pour out, one First World grievance after the next, drenching my husband, the pages of my journal, even my prayers.
Spoiled Israelite, grumbling as I pick up miraculous manna morning after morning. Staying in That Place is easier than dwelling in the holy place of gratitude, where I reach, yearn for Jesus and beg for deep wells of thankfulness, of contentment.
That Place is all me. And the place of contentment? It’s all Him. He does it. And I am foolish… I would so often rather depend on myself.
I am untrained in godliness. Someday, maybe I will be sanctified to the point that gratitude is a learned spiritual rhythm, my heart’s default pattern. For now, it is a battle.
Yet Jesus has already won the battle! His love compels me to press on.
.
.
#353 – 366 of 1,000 gifts
knowing my sins are forgiven
mercies new, even when I wake up in default irritable mode
cold air through open windows
pumpkin flavored coffee creamer
new Bible, same ancient words to treasure
four-day weekends coming up
pretty book covers
pain that forces me to seek His strength
baby’s crinkled nose and mischievous expression
husband’s hugs
the way he is so different from me, breaking me out of my shell
“stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blessed / finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest”
the Pharisee who thanked God that he was not as other men are, because that is me
and being driven to pray like the tax collector, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner”
I can so relate to your thoughts. Very muchly.
Great reminder, Anna – it’s so easy to complain sometimes, but you’re right, it’s something we should work not to do! God has blessed us in so many ways, and it’s easy to forget that sometimes.
As I was talking w/ my best friend this morning, we were just talking about doing everything without grumbling or complaining…
then I read your post today…thanks for your honesty!
Your phrase “my heart’s default pattern” really stood out to me…I will be praying w/ this specific phrase and asking the Lord to continue changing my default pattern.
Happy Monday!
Hmmm… this was timely for my heart, as I’ve recently been pondering upon the difference between “surface” thankfulness, (which IS ingrained in me from childhood, not that I’m an expert, but, I do tend more towards being artificially thankful throughout the day, if that makes sense…) and deep contentment, which I utterly fail at, again and again. I LOVE your sentence, “the place of contentment, it’s all Him…” lovely.
That does make sense! It made me think, too… “thankfulness” can be shallow and a way to show off, but if I’m truly grateful, it will remain steady throughout difficult circumstances.
“…one First World grievance after the next… grumbling as I pick up miraculous manna morning after morning…”
Yes. We do that, don’t we? Satan is always telling us, as he told Eve, that our paradise isn’t enough. Gratitude is our weapon in this particular warfare.
Stayed upon Jehovah… love that hymn.
So interesting you say your “default pattern” as our pastor spoke yesterday on how often we go back to our old default. Sure do!
Thank you for sharing your heart and being so open!
In gratitude with you . . .
This is one of the things I’ve been working on teaching my 3rd-5th graders at church. We’ve been looking at the Israelites patterns…and how we are just like them. But…having the hope and victory already obtained in Christ gives us so much reason to press on and rejoice! Thanks Anna.
Yes, it is so easy to complain! My husband is so good at gently challenging me when I complain because it is something I fall into far too often and there is so much I have to be thankful for, etc!
Thanks for openning your heart!
beautiful, Anna.
“Spoiled Israelite, grumbling as I pick up miraculous manna morning after morning” Loved that sentence! Sadly it describes me more times than I care to count. But I’m discovering what beauty there is in gratitude
Oh yeah…not to mention a trip to the ol’ homestead soon!!