11 Ways to Disrespect Your Husband
Photo by Conor Keller
In How to Be a Biblical Wife I shared five principles of biblical submission from The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace.
Those positive principles are convicting enough… but wait until you read what she says about the negative side of submission. Here are 11 ways not to be submissive, paraphrased from pp. 151-153:
1. Annoying or vexing your husband.
2. Not disciplining the children as you should, even after your husband asks you to.
3. Being more loyal to others than to your husband.
4. Arguing, pouting, or giving him the cold shoulder when you don’t get your own way.
5. Not staying within the limits of your budget.
6. Correcting your husband, interrupting him, talking for him, and being too outspoken when others are around.
7. Manipulating him to get your own way. You may manipulate by deceit, tears, begging, nagging, complaining, anger, or intimidation.
8. Making important decisions without consulting him (unless he has instructed you to).
9. Directly defying his wishes.
10. Worrying about the decisions he makes and taking matters into your own hands.
11. Not paying attention to what he says.
If you’re like me, this list may leave you cold. Discouraged. Yes, I do that. And that. And that.
Martha finishes with an encouraging statement: “In the areas where you know you have failed, you should take a few minutes and confess your sins to the Lord (1 John 1:9). Then go to your husband and ask his forgiveness. It may be best for you to be specific and give examples. Your attitude should be humble, focusing at this time on what you have done wrong. You can begin today to be a gentle, godly, submissive wife to your husband. It is the heart of God for you.” (p. 153)
If my goal is only to have a great marriage and make sure my husband treats me well, avoiding the above mistakes will be impossible. The only true and lasting motivation will come through relying on the grace of God in Christ for me, and desiring to please and obey Him.
Learning to submit…
Oh, thanks for sharing that, Amanda! And for commenting! I really appreciate your thoughts.
I am interested (and apprehensive, to be honest) to see how this all plays out in my upcoming marriage. The man I’m marrying travels a lot for work. I’m afraid our learning curve, not that anyone ever gets submission perfectly right, but still, is going to be much longer and larger than some other people’s, simply because we won’t be together as much. And, quite frankly, it means that one of the things I was looking forward to about marriage, having someone with me for companionship (I’m not exactly the youngest bride ever) instead of still living alone, will not be as much the case for me. All that being said, I can’t wait and I’m looking forward to being his wife.
Good post, Anna! I need this reminder too . . .
Great post, thank you for the reminder and encouragement. I’ve definitely done many of these things, too. I’m so glad God is dismantling my old patterns of behavior and repairing my heart attitudes toward my role as a Biblical wife.
Just ordered this book…thanks for sharing this today! We’ve been studying 1 Peter in Bible study and read 1 Peter 3:1-7 last week so I’ve been studying submission & asking the Lord to teach me…I’m excited (and humbled) to study this further.
I’m glad you got the book! My women’s group at church has been studying it for about a year now. 
Wow thank you so much for sharing this. I am getting married May 21, 2011 and the reality of submission is starting to really become more real. Before I had never really thought about it but now I am going to have to live it. So thank you for sharing it is a real encouragement to me as a newly engaged woman to be able to read what other woman have lived through and the lessons they have and are learning! Thanks
I too am going through this wonderful book. And I remember when I read through this section I shyly passed the book over to my husband and waited for a reply.
Submission is an adventure and at times can be hard due to our culture. There are so many people in and out of the church teaching the complete opposite. While the road may be hard the rewards are great. I cannot tell you how much God has been able to move in our marriage and in our individual lives. Sometimes we just need a calm gentle spirit.
One of the most simple, but impacting stories that helped me to realize my need for better submission actually came from your mom. She was telling me one day that your Dad always wanted you girls to do school with your shoes on. Although she did not understand why she still felt it her duty to see to it that even tough he was not there that it got done. That spoke so much to me and in away set me on a journey to better understand God’s rule for me as a Wife.
That is all just thought I would share.