Homemaking IS hard… if we take it seriously
Photo by ~K~
Welcome back to the series “Is It Really That Hard?” Read the intro (and all of the wonderful comments!) here.
I loved what all of you had to say in response to my last entry. I think we all agree that being a wife and mom isn’t easy. It comes with a unique set of challenges, whether you stay home full-time or not. A few of you talked about the different seasons of motherhood, some being easier than others.
The conclusion I came to as I thought about it and read your comments was that this calling, this being a wife and a mama and the one who prioritizes home, is especially hard if we take it seriously.
If you have a high standard for serving your family, if you’re determined not to be lazy, if you’re putting others first, then it’s going to be amazingly hard. It’s going to take constant self-denial. As my dad put it in his comment, it requires “absolute selflessness.”
Last night I fell asleep after midnight. About an hour later, Christian was awake and crying to be fed. (I think he’s going through a growth spurt.) I was so behind on sleep that it was literally physically difficult to get up. I was not in the best frame of mind as I fed him and put him back down. I felt guilty and was reminded that Jesus said when you serve “the least of these,” you are doing it as unto Him. If motherhood is hard, then it offers the perfect situation for a follower of Christ!
The difficulty has opened my eyes to my selfishness and laziness. I took my independence for granted.
I think just as with any other achievement, when homemaking is done well it can look easy. My mother made it look that way. I gave little thought to the sleep she was losing when I woke up in the middle of the night and asked her to tuck me back in. I didn’t think about how much effort went into shopping for a meal, preparing it, and cleaning up after it when I complained that it wasn’t my favorite. I felt misused when she asked for occasional help with housework.
I didn’t know because she didn’t tell me. She served my dad, my sisters, and me, made our home a pleasant place to be, taught us, cooked and cleaned for us, did our laundry, and kept a smile on her face. (I’m not implying she was June Cleaver, but she was pretty close!)
My dream is to make it look easy too… to make our home a place where children grow and their bodies and souls are nourished… to pray for their salvation and disciple them… to serve the church and reach out to the lost and needy.
It’s a big dream. I can’t do it alone. It’s not easy. But it’s what I’m called to do… whether the world thinks I’m wasting my time or not.
Love this! Thank you for delving deeper into this topic. I appreciated this: “…whether the world thinks I’m wasting my time or not.” Sometimes I feel so belittled and unimportant. It’s nice to remember that those feelings are a lie.
by Tweets that mention Homemaking IS hard… if we take it seriously « Hope Road — Topsy.com
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sarah Mulford, Anna. Anna said: New post: homemaking IS hard… if we take it seriously http://bit.ly/bC1yjS [...]
Thank you for this post. I have thought a lot about this subject since you brought it up.
I feel convicted that at times my job at home is easy–that I am not working hard enough or I am focused on working hard on the wrong things, the things that don’t really matter that much.
It also did remind me how incredibly blessed I am that I get to stay home. I really do love it (when it’s easy and hard). This blessing comes from God and my husband. I know it’s not a possibility for everyone or even the right fit in every circumstance, but it’s what I’ve wanted to do for a long time.
I feel the same as you on both of those points, Elisabeth. That I have it too easy, especially in this season as a mom of 1 and still having quite a bit of free time. And I also feel SO spoiled to be able to stay home. There are many moms who have to work for one reason or another and would love to stay home with their littles. Thinking about that reminds me not to complain.
Anna,thank you for your sweet and loving words. As always, you are God’s gracious gift to me. You are doing an amazing job of loving God by loving your husband and Christian and by your readiness to serve. Your writing is such an encouragement to so many, including me! (June Cleaver! 
)
Wow, a lightbulb just went on! I’ve never thought about it that way: that we *should* make it look easy, because that is the humble way of Christ. I’ve felt many, many times (to my shame) like shouting to certain people in my life who share the “is it really that hard” view things like “I’m tired! You want me to do MORE?!” or any other number of complaints we naturally have. I don’t, of course, but the selfish desire is there. (I never grew up with a Christian mother that I could learn from and now model, so it’s like learning a new trade – I still feel very much like a novice.)
But that is the life of a Christian, isn’t it? To endure the work of the refiner’s fire and show grace and unconditional love to others, even while we are writhing with our own earthly pain and climbing hills that seem astronomical, because God has called us to that life. Conversations with atheists that I have often seem to share that trend: that being a Christian is “taking the easy road” or “a crutch.” Isn’t that what is being said about mothers and homemakers? But Jesus received such condemnation from the sinners He chose to serve…and I feel like this is what we are meant to do too.
Thanks again for delving into this topic, it is certainly food for thought and matters for prayer!
It’s interesting you bring up that you didn’t grow up with a Christian mom so it’s now like learning a new trade. Part of the original message board post that inspired this series was an attack on the blog Raising Homemakers (http://raisinghomemakers.com/). The posters said that it was completely ridiculous to think it would take a lifetime to train your daughter in the art of homemaking. But I think the point is that modeling for and teaching your daughter in this area is giving her a gift for her own future home someday. 
I’ve been pondering this since your first post on it, and I love everything you’ve said in this one. My mom makes it look easy too, and some days I will admit, I cherish the thought that hopefully someday I’ll be able to come along and help my girls out in a way that makes it look easy.
I love your post title, and I think one reason it can be so hard is that the devil attacks our “jobs” with everything he’s got. We are the cement that holds our homes together, physically through cleanliness and organization and food and serenity, we (hopefully) raise our children moment by moment towards Christ, we (hopefully) are the ones who must encourage our husband in the Lord, and lift them up from the exhaustion at work… attacking a mother physically, emotionally, mentally, and attempting to divert her from her calling is the most effective tool that the devil has towards weakening our hearts towards the Lord, our christian testimony and our outreach in the world. Such a scary solemn thought. A family friend would always say, “The devil gets into my hair on Sunday morning!!” when she was having trouble getting ready for church on time, and I often think of that on bad days… some days I allow the devil to get into my days and ruin the good attitude and work I had planned.
BTW, I cleaned under my oven today. I thought of you as I did it. Haha! You might not remember my “you’re supposed to clean under your oven?!” comment a month or two ago, but it made me chuckle as I was cleaning it. I found some caramel corn from last christmas–eeewww! Won’t be putting that job off for so long next time! Haha!
GREAT thoughts on the importance of our role and how Satan wants to attack and undermine it. I read this comment last night after a complete failure to live up to my role, and I realized that was exactly what was happening. Very timely for me.
I totally remember that comment because your response cracked me up! I did end up cleaning out behind my oven… but *ahem* only because I fried one of the stove elements and my husband pulled out the oven to reconnect some things. Yikes.
I’m not married or a Mom so I can’t *necessarily* chime in on this conversation. However, I love the word SERVE that you used to describe your Mom. As a single girl {upper 20’s, I might add}, it may be “difficult” to “still live at home” but it is definitely my opportunity to SERVE and I have begun to look at it that way and it is so much fun to have a new way to look at a situation.
Thanks for chiming in, Rebecca! Serving selflessly definitely isn’t exclusive to wives and moms. Having that family focus as a single is a mark of maturity!
“It’s a big dream. I can’t do it alone. It’s not easy. But it’s what I’m called to do… whether the world thinks I’m wasting my time or not.”
Amen, Anna! *Hugs*
Hi Anna, haven’t commenting in a while, but am interesting to what you think about:
Hospitality vs. Homemaking or Hospitality w/ Homemaking (if it is so linked) and what you understand hospitality to be?
(I’ve been reading some very interesting stuff on it by Henri Nouwen recently)
And something I wonder for myself personally (as I go through freakish cleaning moments) how much is or can be homemaking be related to having control of an environment?
Hi Bec! I love that you always bring a perspective I hadn’t thought of.
I guess homemaking and hospitality are linked in that both are making space for others in your environment. Homemaking is creating and maintaining a space for your family, and hospitality is creating a space to draw in those from outside. I think hospitality is an integral part of homemaking, and if it’s not there you might be too inward-focused. In the Word hospitality is mentioned again and again as part of the life of a Christian family and specifically a Christian woman.
As for having control, I’m not quite sure what you mean but for me I’m a better homemaker when I DON’T try to complete control my environment, but manage it. I think women are particularly gifted in homemaking (although of course men can be too in some ways) and have the capacity to make any little corner of the world homey. So whatever piece of the environment is yours to manage, that can be your home.
I’m sure you have some interesting thoughts on the matter and I’d love to hear them!
It’s a grand goal to make this look “easy.” I certainly don’t want my children to grow up seeing me complain about my job. But I also think it’s important for them to see that it’s okay to struggle, to not have it “together” all the time.
I definitely agree that we are to serve our families. But my kids know that I also take time for me, time that I need to regroup, refocus and relax. I’m a physical being, and the days when I hardly sleep or eat don’t go well. I think mom’s feel guilty for needing alone time, but even Jesus retreated from His disciples. I don’t think it’s selfish or lazy to desire a little peace and rest, and I think it’s good for my children to see that. No need for that to be hidden from them.
For me, it’s not easy at all. An attempt to make it appear so would be disingenuous. So, I don’t strive so much for this to look easy, but for this to look Christ centered and authentic. Hope that makes sense.
I’ve thought about this a lot since you brought it up. Perhaps I was too flippant when I said I wanted to make it look easy. The reason I admire my mom “making it look easy” is because the key to that was her lack of complaining or drawing attention to herself… two things which I am very good at. You’re right, it’s important not to be fake or act like we are superhuman and never need a break or a rest. Thanks for disagreeing… you gave me food for thought!
Hey! I was worried after I posted that, hoping it didn’t come across wrong! Something else I thought about–some women have the gift of hospitality, so for some, it IS easy. I have a dear friend with 8 children, and the Lord has given her incredible grace in the areas of the home. She doesn’t get stressed or frazzled like me, and ideas flow for her; it comes naturally. And it doesn’t matter if you have one child or 20–we’re all giving ALL that we have for our family; we’re all in need of the same mercy and grace on a daily basis. Great post, and so glad you didn’t take it wrong!
You are such a beautiful example of a Proverbs 31 woman! Your blog continues to inspire me. : )
Oh, my mama was a single mom and I don’t think I have EVER heard her complain! 
Great food for thought here…
Because I have struggled through this stay at home thing late in the game, my children were acutely aware of the challenges. So I think, for them, it created a bit more compassion. Sure, they still give me a bit of an attitude when I say clean your room before riding your bike! But they are far more willing to help then before.
excellent post, my friend!
I love when you said “It’s a big dream. I can’t do it alone. It’s not easy. But it’s what I’m called to do… whether the world thinks I’m wasting my time or not.”! that is so true and so important to know- knowing that will help you (and me, and them) to keep trying to live that dream; it’s a clearer goal when you know that it will be hard, but it’s what you’re going to do, no matter what.
Your response to the question is very good and well thought out… I haven’t had time to think it all through like that!
I would love to make a better comment but at this point I am happy to read what you say and enjoy it… my mind is very filled at this season with other things!
Amen, sister. Good thought provoking things to be had. I just keep thinking how blessed we are, to be able to stay home and shepherd our babies hearts. It’s a monumental calling, but a good one. Difficulties, hardships, hair pulling out moments and all. I’m so thankful to have a husband who supports the same goal, and does what it takes to make it happen. You know, talking/reading about all of this got me thinking about some of the guys I dated, or were interested in while growing up. I had one guy not give me a second glance because I was known as “one of those girls” who didn’t want a career. I thank the Lord every day for the fact He sheltered me from someone like that. It just really puts it all into perspective!
Your posts are so inspiring! Gah, I don’t know why I don’t come back every day! I need to subscribe! You are right it IS so much work BUT I always feel so much better falling into bed when I have put my family first. I love it. It just feels right. Now that Q is in Colorado, without me, I have to parent alone, and take care of the house, alone. bah, I can’t wait until we can be together again.
great thoughts, Anna.
I think part of why it’s hard is because much of it falls into the Harris brothers’ category of “small hard things”–things that are hard to do faithfully over and over precisely because they *aren’t* hard in and of themselves, in terms of mentally stimulating or requiring special gifts or whatever.
I’m mulling over your desire to make it look easy. On the one hand, I take your point–we make it look easy when we do it joyfully, without complaint, without drawing attention to just how demanding/un-fun/sacrificial it is.
On the other hand…does that do a disservice to other women who find it hard, discouraging, unpleasant? Certainly there are women to whom much of motherhood/homemaking does NOT come naturally. Do they look at women who “make it look easy” and just get more discouraged, or give up…does it feed a mindset that “some women are cut out to be homemakers and others just AREN’T”?
No answers here, just some food for thought.
well, a quick scan through the comments shows me this has already been discussed 
that’ll teach me to comment without reading previous comments!
I like the perspective you brought… does “making it look easy” render us disingenuous, especially to other women in the same situation who know and feel how difficult it is?
I think there’s a fine line between being honest about difficulty and complaining about it. Usually I end up on the complaining side of the line. That’s what I admire about moms who “make it look easy” – they don’t seem to find motherhood burdensome, but joyful. But you’re right, I think that should still go hand in hand with admitting any struggles that are there.
Just so you know, I hadn’t read this post, or the prior one until today, so I was not referring to you on my blog. :]
Plus I do appreciate honesty and I believe you have the right perspective on it all. I know it must be so hard being a full-time mom…heck working full-time and taking care of our apartment is hard enough for me! But if we take the mindset that we’re doing this to bless our family, then is becomes a totally different task. It’s not getting stuff done, it’s being a blessing.
It’s still something that scares me, but I know God will never take me down a road that I won’t be able to handle by His strength. Thanks for posting.
Thank you so much. I needed this today.
Great post, Anna! I totally agree with you.
[...] Welcome back to the series “Is It Really That Hard?” You can catch up by reading the intro and part 1. [...]
This is an awesome post! And very true! Although I am not a wife or a mother, I am a stay at home daughter, and it IS difficult to do the job well. I love it and wouldn’t want to do anything else, but it takes constant heart checks with the Lord to make sure I am up for the challenge.
Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for this! I thought I was making it hard for myself. I thought I was trying to do too much in a day. When all it was is that it is hard. No matter how much a mom/wife tries to get done, more gets added or her plans don’t always go how she planned them. I know for me it is extra hard because even though I love doing cleaning and stuff… it is hard for me to get motivated. Like this morning, I need to go clean the kitchen but I keep telling myself that this or this needs done before I can do the kitchen.
When does the madness end?! Is there an end? Well I guess being on my laptop doesn’t help, so I am going to get myself into gear and turn up some praise music! Thank you for posting this!