What I’ve Learned in 16 Months of Marriage
16 months ago today, I was here…
…making a covenant “for as long as we both shall live.”
What’s significant about a 16-month anniversary? Nothing, really. And everything. Marriage, just like the rest of life, is composed of ordinary days, simple notes played together, becoming a symphony over time.
The most important thing I’ve learned in 16 months: I have so much to learn.
I haven’t read When Sinners Say I Do, but I read a quote from it recently. The gist of the quote: you may think you’re mature before you get married. Then suddenly you realize how immature you really are.
A long time ago, I wrote a post called Marriage as a Sanctifier. Little did I know how many opportunities for sanctification marriage creates… or how revealing it would be of selfishness, immaturity, and faithlessness in my life.
Now, I have been blessed with a wonderful husband (I’m not just saying that) who leads me, loves me, and forgives me, and who I enjoy (almost) every moment with. Yes, he’s imperfect. He is a sinner too, after all.
And fond as I am of pointing out his sin, I am ever-so-slowly learning that there should be no finger-pointing in marriage. We’re both in this together, and we both need grace from the Lord and from each other.
I don’t write about marriage very often, because I feel unqualified right now. I’m not a poster child for a good wife. (I’m not just saying that either.) I struggle with submission and with keeping my mouth shut when I should.
Thankfully, we are surrounded by good marriages and people who want to build us up and keep us accountable. We’re not isolated on a little Marriage Island. We have the family of God around us. Since we are both believers, our marriage is part of the body of Christ.
So today I will pray for God to preserve and strengthen our marriage, for He alone can make it last. It is impossible for us to create a perfect marriage, or even a good marriage. If it were not for His grace, we would have dismissed each other long ago.
But He gives us the power to continue in our covenant, and to continue loving one another… and somehow, He uses us to show His glory, to show just how much Jesus loves His people, and how we as His people are to joyfully obey Him.
Budget Grocery Shopping
I want to be a savvy coupon pro, a la Money Saving Mom (that website is a gold mine). I shop at Walmart - and sometimes Winn Dixie and Publix - and pay attention to what’s on sale. But my bill is still higher than I’d like.
I’ve read a lot of tips and tricks to shrink your grocery budget. I’ve been wanting to start playing “the drugstore game” – using the “extra care bucks” at CVS to get toiletries, diapers, and other miscellaneous items without paying cash.
Even with all the research I’ve done, I have trouble figuring out how people save so much money without going to 50 stores a week!
My meal planning does have certain limitations:
- My husband doesn’t like all-vegetarian meals.
- We try to eat healthy – we’re not perfect at it, but it’s the overall trend.
- At this season of my life, I don’t want to spend a lot of time in the kitchen. I don’t have a dishwasher, and I do have a 6-month-old. I really appreciate quick, easy meals. Plus I’m not exactly a gourmet.
Here is my meal plan for this week (I do Tuesday-Monday):
Tuesday: turkey dogs in mac and cheese (embarrassing; I had planned to make bacon and egg quesadillas, but Walmart’s egg display was down, and I knew we had mac and cheese at home, so I just grabbed some hot dogs)
Wednesday: beans and rice with ground beef (on sale at Winn Dixie) and corn
Thursday: turkey sandwiches on multigrain subs with pepper jack cheese; spinach salad
Friday: breaded chicken and mashed potatoes
Saturday: spaghetti
Sunday: pot roast with potatoes and carrots
Monday: pork chops; whole wheat penne
I would really like to spend $50 a week on food. Right now it’s about twice that. Factoring in diapers, our monthly expenditures in this area are a little high. I wish I had a coupon pro to mentor me in this area!
Your thoughts are welcomed! What is your grocery budget like? How do you save? How much time do you invest in meal planning, clipping coupons, etc.? I’m all ears. 
In the middle of the night : 1,000 Gifts
“A man who is little in his own eyes will account every affliction as little, and every mercy as great.” (Jeremiah Burroughs)
(My cousin Brynna just wrote her first 1,000 gifts post… and my friend Joanna has started counting too.)
189. Eternal life!
190. A convicting sermon on living in eager anticipation for the return of Christ.
191. Watching The Hiding Place for the first time.
192. Christian’s confused face when I get him up from his nap and there are 5 people in the living room.
193. An adorable crocheted giraffe for Christian from my dear friend Sarah.
194. All gifts pointing to the Giver.
195. Technology.
196. My youngest sister Krista, who turns 19 tomorrow!
197. Christian’s newly organized closet.
198. A mama of 6 who offers to come over and watch Christian for me.
199. Friends who call when we miss church (we were visiting a friend’s).
200. The hymn “Be Still My Soul.”
201. Freedom from pain.
202. A gym membership.
203. A baby who falls asleep without assistance.
204. How happy he is to see me in the middle of the night.
205. Bible reading and prayer with A.J. in the morning.
206. Our little visitors shouting, “Bye, Anna! I love you!”
207. Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ.
208. Heaven.
209. Standing on Christ the solid Rock.
Sweet Summer Smoothies
Mmm… I love a refreshing smoothie on a hot summer day. It almost rivals a fragrant cup of coffee on a cold morning. Besides being delicious, smoothies are healthy, filling, and relatively inexpensive. (I sound like a smoothie commercial. But it’s true!)
So I thought I would 1) share my non-scientific, inexact, uncomplicated smoothie “recipe,” and 2) ask what you put in your smoothies, because a lot of you are probably more creative than I am. I know people who put spinach in their smoothies. Now I love spinach, but I just haven’t been brave enough to try that yet.
Without further ado, here’s how I make a smoothie:
- Get out your handy-dandy blender.
- Add 1 banana.
- Put a handful of berries in. I use frozen berries from Walmart because they’re cheap and they help make the smoothie cold. This week I’m using raspberries.
- Add about 3/4 cup yogurt. I’ve never measured, but that sounds about right. I use lowfat vanilla yogurt.
- Pour in about 1 cup milk. Again, I’ve never measured. I try to err on the side of using less milk rather than too much, because I like my smoothie a little thick. You can always add more if the mixture isn’t blending well.
- Put the lid on and blend.
- While the blender is on, add 4 ice cubes one by one.
- Voila! Pour into a glass and enjoy. Makes 1 big serving or 2 smaller ones.
Okay, it’s your turn… if you’re a smoothie-maker, how do you do it? I’d love to hear. Meanwhile, I’m finishing mine.
A Dry Well
That’s how I feel right now.
Not depressed… not sad… just dry.
This week I have been constantly reminded of specific, besetting sins I am dealing with.
It’s easy to say, “I’m a sinner. The worst sinner I know.”
It’s much more difficult to be specific about it, to be honest with yourself, to call a spade a spade, so to speak.
It’s especially difficult to realize it’s not other people’s opinions that matter. I should be far, far more concerned with what God thinks about my life.
He is near… and righteous… and gracious… and I want to be close to Him. So I cannot hold bitterness and pride in my heart, as much as I want to at times. His Spirit strives with me, and I don’t want to grieve Him.
I have a lot of growing up to do.
So I’m a little dry with words. My bucket is empty. I’m going to the right place to fill it up. I’ll be back soon.
Marking Time
Parenting makes you constantly aware of the passage of time. It’s so physically evident. Christian will be 6 months old next week. And of course he has changed monumentally in those months…
from wrinkled to roly-poly…
from often-inconsolable, to easily-distractible…
from stoic to playful…
from this
to this.
As difficult as those newborn days were, I miss them. I wouldn’t trade my 6-month-old Christian for my newborn Christian… but it’s true what everyone tells you:
it goes so quickly.
Two tiny teeth poked through a week ago, and I’m trying Christian’s first cereal feeding in an hour or so. Small milestones amaze me.
Already Christian has changed the whole character and atmosphere of our house. Everything revolves around his schedule and his needs. I’ll be honest – sometimes this feels tiring and burdensome (and revealing of sinful frustration in my heart, especially at 5 a.m.).
But it’s so worth it. I’m not just saying that. Our lives are enriched by our sweet blessing.
I feel unworthy to be a mother… too immature… too childish in many ways. His strength in my weakness, I keep telling myself, because otherwise I am completely incapacitated by my inadequacy.
We take it from morning to morning, marking these precious baby days, learning and growing as the future unravels.
