Is being a wife, mom, and homemaker really that hard?

Photo by ~K~

Recently I was browsing an online message board that linked to one of my posts. (They liked it, which surprised me, since most of their posts are negative… so this isn’t to return criticism for criticism!)

One of their posts was about women who are wives and mothers (especially those who stay home full-time, I presume), and blog about their homemaking. Apparently we do it to make ourselves seem important.

“It’s really not that hard,” the poster said (this is a very loose paraphrase based on my memory only). “These women write about their organizational plans and share supposedly helpful tips just to make their work seem more important. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to watch kids and keep a house clean.”

This raised my defenses, since I fit right into that class – stay-at-home mommy bloggers.

Rather than writing a kneejerk response, though, I wanted to think about their claim a little further.

I think those of us living this life would say, of course it’s hard. Of course it’s challenging and requires self-sacrifice and servanthood. Of course it stretches us beyond anything we’d ever imagined.

But are zealous for recognition? Do we congratulate ourselves on our heroic work, when really we’re only doing our minimum duty? Do we take our eyes off Christ and fix them on ourselves?

I know I’m guilty of all of the above on a regular basis.

 I’ll be writing more about this in the days to come in a series entitled Is It Really That Hard?

What are your thoughts? Do you think wives and mothers exaggerate our responsibilities and ignore our comforts and privileges? Do you feel the need for recognition in your role, or are you content to serve unknown?

Monday Miscellany in 12 Minutes

Can I do it? If Wordpress’ super-slow editor will let me…

I’m joining all the ladies at lowercase letters in my first Miscellany Monday. I’m don’t like doing tons of memes and I don’t plan on doing this one every week (I need to get back to my thankful list soon), but it’s the perfect quick post option for today.

1. Life with a mobile baby.

A few minutes ago I tweeted, “Taking a much-needed lunch break during naptime. Christian is suddenly mobile, and I have about 75% less time in my day.” He’s not crawling, but he’s scooting/creeping everywhere, and he’s also extremely frustrated about life in general.

This morning I was trying desperately to get my house back in shape after the weekend and keep Christian happy at the same time. I ended up putting Baby Einstein (secondhand from a neighbor) in for about 10 minutes. I am anti-TV for him, but as I did 10 minutes’ worth of laundry in peace and quiet, I suddenly understood why it’s tempting.

2. I wonder if I could pull it off.

I’m so not a fashionista, but I like to look cute. It’s just a matter of getting there. You know one look I really like? Leggings under a short(er) dress. Some people can pull that off really well. I’m not sure if I could. But I would like to try!

(What is up with the tires?)

3. The power isn’t in the list.

Making lists is my forte, but I’ve been discovering that it’s not the list that really makes things run smoothly. It’s habits and routines. Now I’m not talking being OCD here. I don’t do the exact same things in the exact same order every day. But when you are in the habit of doing something a certain way, you don’t have to write it down. It comes naturally. Lists can help you plan a routine and remember tasks that aren’t in your routine, but habits free you from trying to remember… you just do it.

4. Really good spaghetti sauce.

It’s so good and so easy, it doesn’t even deserve to be called a recipe. It happened by default yesterday after church. I used one pound of ground turkey, one jar of Publix parmesan spaghetti sauce, one jar of Publix tomato/garlic/onion spaghetti sauce, and served it over whole wheat noodles. And it was oh so good. Publix also has this multigrain baguette that goes really well with Italian food.

5. Loving this even more.

Amid the cacophany of noise from my heart, life, and the world around me, I want to love the Word. I want to look forward to reading it more than I look forward to anything else… even spending time with my husband, or recreational activities, or seeing friends. It’s a slow process requiring prayer and self-discipline. I loved this article yesterday: Devotions Aren’t Magic.

The end! Happy Monday!

D’oh… that took 25 minutes! All because I wanted to add a few images and hyperlinks, and it takes forever. Off to redeem the rest of naptime…

It’s hard to run when you’re pregnant

No, I’m not pregnant.

The title is a slogan from a pro-life organization, Run for Their Lives, started by several people in our church. This is their second annual 5K to support local crisis pregnancy centers.

The ad for this year was made by a filmmaker friend of ours (he made our wedding trailer as well).

A.J. is planning to run in this year’s race. I hope to be able to hear at least some of the speakers. The pro-life message is so powerful.

If this gets anyone thinking about organizing something similar in your hometown, that would be wonderful!

When Your Routine Falls Apart

Routines are great building blocks to successful homemaking.

My daily routine goes something like this: get ready, do breakfast dishes, tidy house, make bed, fold laundry, put new laundry load in, do weekly chores, work on extra tasks.

Right now, my weekly routine is this:

Monday: wash sheets and towels, vacuum, menu plan and list, shop at smaller stores
Tuesday: buy most groceries, clean out fridge
Wednesday: clean bathrooms, dust
Thursday: vacuum, clean counters and appliances
Friday: sweep and mop floors

I also inconsistently use JustMommies’ monthly calendar of cleaning tasks, and I’m working on organizing room by room.

But what happens when something goes wrong? You have a newborn, or a sick baby, or it’s the weekend and the house is falling apart? Cleaning one room at a time isn’t always best because some tasks are more urgent than others.

That’s why I found this hierarchy of cleaning from Small Notebook to be so helpful.

When you don’t know where to start, begin with the most important task and work your way up.

Here’s my hierarchy (from the bottom up):

1. Dishes
2. Trash / Laundry
3. Tidying (including making the bed)
4. Bathrooms
5. Floors
6. Everything else

I’m amazed what a difference this makes! Each small step contributes to a clean and peaceful home.

What would your hierarchy look like?

Perfectionism at the Crossroads

“Nobody’s perfect.”

True, nobody is. But that’s not an excuse for sin. God calls us to perfection. Yes, He does.

And thanks be, He sent us His Son to bear His wrath in our stead, because we are all fatally filthy with sin. He adopts those who repent of living in sin, those who trust desperately and only in Jesus’ death for salvation.

So I’m His child. And though He sees me as perfect because of His Son, He also mysteriously sees me as I really am. He knows I need to live up to the position He’s given me, because if I truly love Him I will obey Him.

And thus the process of sanctification begins… being made holy, as He is holy.

Where does ”perfectionism” come in? Given the above, isn’t it valid?

Striving for holiness is valid. Obedience is valid. What’s not valid is

• striving for obedience in my own strength.
• thinking I have the power to live up to my perceptions of holiness.
• equating checking off my own little boxes with obedience.
• thinking I have no reason to continue trying once I’ve already failed.

And that’s what I’ve been doing today… especially that last one.

I have my own little sob story from this afternoon, but I already tweeted about it and I don’t think there’s any need to rehash it. Let’s just say that the day was going in one direction (good) and then it took a sharp turn in the other direction (bad).

So I caved. I “rested,” because physically I wasn’t doing well. But not only did I rest, I vegged. I gave up on trying. I overate. And I figured since it was Monday and I hadn’t perfectly checked off my to-do list for the day, I might as well give up for the whole week. Because what’s the use of trying if I’m not constantly meeting my own standard?

Is this where His strength in weakness comes in?

I come to the end of myself, realizing I’ve been there all along. It’s not about my performance, it’s about my heart, and how my actions reflect my faith. Only He can empower me to live in obedience… to His commands, not my to-do list.

So maybe I didn’t get pilates done. Or clean out the toaster. Or purge the office of unnecessary items. But He will help me to get Christian fed and in bed, dinner on the table and dishes washed, a shower taken and clean sheets put on the bed. And my satisfaction can come from knowing that He did these things through me… not from feeling that I am accomplishing everything perfectly.

Am I the only one who has such a hard time learning this?

Photo credit

Prettiness and a Plug

I just won one of these necklaces (and some other fun stuff) from LeAnna at Thoughts and Whatnots.

They’re made by Becky Strahle. I’m not getting paid or anything to tell you this, but you should definitely check out her Etsy shop, Farmgirl Paints. The necklaces are cute, reasonably priced, and customizable. She also sells keychains and paintings.

Maybe someday I’ll have my own giveaway. I like when giveaways feel personal and don’t require you to do a bunch of promotion for extra entries. (I’m just lazy that way.) It’d be fun to bless you one of you with a gift, though. We’ll see…

I hope you all have a great weekend. Remember to keep your eyes on the Gift who makes all other gifts pale in comparison.

Looking for spare change in a shopping mall

One of the blogs I really enjoy is a private Xanga. I’ve been reading it for years, ever since my own Xanga days. The author has two little ones and has such a talent for conveying meaning and atmosphere as she writes about the ordinary events of her days. I enjoy every single “this-is-what-I-did-today” entry.

Sometimes blogging becomes so formulaic and topical that I miss out on the fun of crafting well-worded essays on the simple events of my life… and isn’t that how this whole thing got started?

So in defense of the ordinary…

Naps:

We’ve had an interesting couple of days around here, nap-wise. Christian has been a consistent napper for months now, and yesterday he threw in the towel. He took three naps: 30 minutes, 50 minutes, and 45 minutes long, and woke up crying from each one. (Usually he takes at least two 1.5-hour naps, and wakes up happy.)

He has two bottom teeth that came through a few weeks ago, and right before they did he had a day where he hardly slept at all. I’m wondering if he has a similar issue going on now. Today has been a little better… his first nap was an hour long, although he did wake up crying, and he’s almost 45 minutes into his second one right now.

The daily grind:

I already dusted and cleaned the bathrooms this morning, but my to-do list isn’t close to being finished. I’m unusually tired even though I got a full night’s sleep. *Yawn.* One of the items on my list was to respond to emails and Facebook messages and write a blog post, so I decided to do that during naptime.

I’m still struggling to find the balance between perfectionism and laziness. I have to fight against the urge to waste time… and I often lose, especially when it comes to pointless computer time. It helps to have an objective when I sit down. If I’m going to relax, I’d rather read a book in the sunshine.

And the story:

Speaking of sunshine, it’s incredibly hot here still. Right now it’s 91° with a heat index of 100°. Yesterday I was so tired of being stuck inside that I went to the mall to exercise. I used to mentally mock mall-walkers (try saying that five times fast), but no more.

I masqueraded as a normal shopper. I just wore regular clothes and flip-flops. The only difference? I was speed-walking and not stopping at any stores. Good thing I have moderate self-control when it comes to retail purchases. It’s rather tempting to indulge when you’re flying through a sea of consumerism.

I walked from one end of the mall to the other and back, and even broke a sweat. Christian rode contentedly along in the stroller. I hoped he would fall asleep but he didn’t. Then I was hungry, so I decided to completely defeat the purpose of my walk by having some fast food. I had a heap of quarters in my wallet that I had adopted *cough* stolen from A.J.’s car on Sunday, and everyone knows if you use spare change to buy something it’s basically like getting it for free, right? Although you drive cashiers crazy…

I calculated that I could afford to buy one chicken sandwich at Chick-Fil-A, and I would buy my drink from a vending machine because you get more for your money that way. So I ordered my sandwich from a very nice girl who didn’t mind me taking the time to count out $3-something in quarters. Then I went to a vending machine, where I discovered to my chagrin that they charged $1.50 and I only had $1.25!

So I set off through the mall again with two objectives (I can’t believe I”m sharing this): 1) to find a cheaper beverage, or 2) to find a spare quarter. I walked all the way back to the end of the mall, looking for quarters on the ground. I stopped at a little cafe to ask how much their bottled drinks were. ($1.75.) I couldn’t believe I was actually spending 10 minutes looking for spare change in a shopping mall. Christian was still in a good mood but starting to get a little antsy.

I doubled back to the food court, and next to Auntie Anne’s, I found a little shop that was selling cans (which I preferred anyway) instead of bottles, for only 75 cents. I apologized for buying only a soda, but the man was very nice, and I left what remained of my abundant wealth in the tip cup.

Finally I sat down at a table by the window, held Christian on my lap, and enjoyed my hard-earned chicken sandwich and Pepsi.

I didn’t really plan to go into that much detail about that story. In fact, I didn’t even tell A.J. yet. But it was fun to describe. However, this is close to being one of my longest entries ever, and I’ve spent about 20 minutes writing it, so I should probably close for now. Happy Thursday!

I love him because…

He was content and playful during my shopping trip to CVS, Winn-Dixie, and Publix…

He “talked” loudly and played with his rattle and his favorite little stuffed elephant…

He acted like he was going to fall asleep on the way home, but he was still awake when we got there…

As I unbuckled him, he accidentally dropped his elephant, which caused him to burst into brokenhearted tears…

When I gave it back and let him take it to his crib, along with his burp cloth, he fell asleep like this…

(Don’t worry, I take soft things away when he’s asleep, or I keep a close eye on him.)

I love him unconditionally.

But his sweetness just gives me more reasons…

Those who make peace : 1,000 Gifts

It amazes me that with all my blessings, I am still unloving and self-centered.

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.” (James 1:19-21)

“So speak and act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.” (2:12-13)

 ”Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first
pure,
then peaceable,
gentle,
open to reason,
full of mercy and good fruits,
impartial
and sincere.
And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” (3:13-18)

210. Rest after a busy weekend.
211. Teaching the Bible to preschoolers.
212. Christian learning how to sit up.
213. Christian sleeping through the night… for over a week straight… finally.

214. A.J. playing with Christian as I write this post on Sunday afternoon.
215. Lots of friends coming over last week.

216. Lovely at-home days with Christian.

217. Visits with his grandparents.
218. A women’s small group meeting that was both encouraging and convicting.
219. Friends I can confess sin to.
220. Inner conviction when I am not spiritually-minded.

221. Getting my flat tire replaced.
222. Making Christian laugh.
223. Looking at Facebook pictures with A.J.
224. Watching a couple scenes of Gilmore Girls with A.J… he tolerated it!
225. Praying with him.

226. The fact that August is half over already and cooler weather is slowly approaching.
227. Two friends’ babies being born.
228. Grace, grace, grace…

A Little Interview With My Readers

I’m passing the proverbial microphone over to you, friends (Eugene Meltsner, anyone?). I did this a long time ago… I found that post through my new random post feature on the sidebar. It’s fun.

So for a lighthearted end to my blogging week, I’m going to ask you three questions. I’d love to hear your answers!

1. What is one thing on your to-do list that you’ve been needing to get done forever but still haven’t? (I love this question!)
2. What are you looking forward to this weekend?
3. (A little more in-depth…) If you consider yourself a Christian, will you give us the short-answer version of how you became one? If not, can you let me know why not?

I’ll be the first commenter. Happy Friday!

Photo credit