Beyond the To-Do List
What label do you give someone who uses lists and enjoys a tidy and organized life? OCD? Type A? Whatever it is, you can use it on me.
While laziness is one of my besetting sins, so is perfectionism. In order to stay away from laziness, sometimes I overcompensate. I eat the bread of anxious toil. I obsess about the (small, really) number of tasks I need to complete. I categorize activities as work or play, focusing on finishing my work so I can play.
This attitude is simply terrible for my growth as a homemaker.
I am controlling. If everything is not planned or written down, I worry it won’t get done. For example, my garage is unorganized and I frequently and anxiously muse on its disarray and try to make plans for when I will clean it.
Besides being a control freak, I also idolize “relaxation.” And for me, homemaking does not fall under that category. Reading? Blogging? Surfing the Web? Yes. Watching a movie or television show? Yes. (That at least is rare.) Shopping (also rare) or hanging out with people? Yes. Homemaking? No.
I become so eager to get my work out of the way and my to-do list checked off. That way, I won’t feel anxious and I can “relax.” So either I strive to finish things, fearful of taking a break lest I lapse into procrastination, or I just walk away from work altogether.
A warning bell is beginning to clang in my head – homemaking is not just about work! First, it’s about people. And I think I understand that. Playing with my son is not on my to-do list, although it takes up much of my day. But on the inanimate side of things, homemaking is also about creativity and beauty and the small things I often fail to appreciate… gifts from the Lord like baking, sewing, crocheting, writing letters, or decorating.
Sure, those things can be obsessive too. I can get caught up in things of this world, focused on aesthetics, and forget about being a missionary, sharing the gospel, and advancing the kingdom. But still, I think the creative, simple, and beautiful parts of life can be a viable, God-glorifying aspect of my life as a homemaker.
Am I the only one who struggles with this? How can I find the balance? How can I take a deep breath, loosen my grip, get things done without obsessing, and be more creative and joyful in my home?
You’re so right…
but I’m also wary of using legalism as an excuse for laziness. I think that’s why I find it so hard to strike a balance.
Doing laundry doesn’t mean I’m legalistic. Doing laundry to try to earn God’s favor means I’m legalistic. Wanting to please the Lord doesn’t mean I’m legalistic… but thinking I can become more righteous in His sight through my own efforts means I’m legalistic.
Whew… so confusing. Definitely need the Holy Spirit for discernment!
Oh, I struggle with this. I am not organized, and I tend to do what I want to do… like sew, or bake. However, things like vacuuming, scrubbing, whatever NEED to be done, and I really do not like to do them. So instead of digging in and getting them done so that I can do the homemaking things I enjoy, I procrastinate, and then my days are gone. I love your thought that those things are homemaking too. I am currently working, for me, on trying to get the housecleaning stuff done in the morning so that I can focus on the “fun” homemaking things in the afternoon. To be included in that is playing with my kids, playdates, etc.
That’s such an interesting perspective. It is funny how we all have different struggles. For you, those “fun” homemaking things ARE relaxing. But that’s where I want to be! 
Oh Anna, we are indeed kindred spirits! You have again expressed so precisely feelings I’ve experience yet been hesitant to admit or articulate. I am just learning all these same perspectives on homemaking along with you so I dont have any answers but I too would love to read others’ input. Thanks again for your refreshing honesty and transparency. I can’t believe how like me you are! Hopefully in 9 years you will be much further along than I am now, Sweet Sister!
I’ve been hesitant to admit these feelings, too… I just felt like I had to get them out. And yet again I discover that I am not the only one who feels this way! Thanks for being encouraging.
You’re definitely not the only one to feel that way; there’s at least one more – me! Sorry I can’t give you any pointers on balancing out the scale, I need some of those myself.
Well you know me…I’m the exact same way. So this is a very good and new thought to me because obviously I’m not a homemaker yet! So any advice you get I will most certainly keep in mind for the future and even now in little things!
You’re sweet, sister! <3
WONDERFUL POST once again! Sigh, I love your blog!
Traci
Thank you, Traci!
I haven’t thought this way before about housework. Perfect way to start my morning.
I need to call you soon… tomorrow afternoon maybe? I get out of work at 12:00. Hope to catch up then!
Sounds good! Can’t wait to talk to you!
There is nothing wrong with lists! I tell Josh I have to put EVERYTHING on a list so I know what I have accomplished. (otherwise I forget and think I haven’t done anything all day, even when I have) Showers, naps, and eating are all on the list too
You sound so much like me! I totally understand!!
I created an intentional planner, I think you blogged about this a bit ago and it has truly helped me. I don’t feel anxious because when you put Christ first there really is a time for everything. I’ve found it HUGELY helpful!
I love how you “reframe” the idea that work can be relaxing…! It seems like when we put the things we dislike into a new perspective, they become something new to us – and the potential to actually like them increases.
I think maybe if you “reframe” your view of your own personality traits that you call perfectionism, it might offer some new ideas…for instance, if you think of your obsessive list-making (to which I can *totally* relate, haha) as a unique gift from God that he expects you to use to glorify him…well…that might ease your anxiety about it. It sounds like you feel a little guilty for the way you are, and while we are all sinners, we are also all gifted by our Creator to honor him in different ways. I know you are worried that you might cross over into the line of legalism…but I think every one of us who is feeling like we are more “Martha” than “Mary” shouldn’t worry so much about whether we are right or wrong in the way we create and keep our homes. If we do all to the glory of God, it will all come out in the wash at the end of the day (no pun intended).
Maybe put “Glorify God” at the top of your to-do list…? 
[...] no secret that I like lists, routines, and organization. But I’ve never made myself a daily schedule since I’ve [...]
Invest in a carpet steamer.
JUST kidding!
But really, it’s odd, I find steam cleaning my carpets to be highly therapeutic and enjoyable housework.
I was much like you the first 6 months after I had Quade, I stressed about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g – by nature I am not a perfectionist (my Mom was extreme hyperthyroid when we were young, and it manifested itself greatly in her homemaking demands) but neither do I go to the extreme opposite. I like things clean, but spotless/spic’n’span doesn’t always happen. Especially now days. I personally think it’s a matter of spiritual discernment. Picking our battles…
When we expect the highest standards from ourselves spiritually, we find ourselves in the same rut of not being able to meet those standards. The same way we constantly remind ourselves that God is a gracious God, who delights in our obedience, yet doesn’t punish our failings – we must also remind ourselves of the daily things. There is grace for our day to day. There is room in life to spend an entire day doing what doesn’t need to be done. Tomorrow isn’t promised, but I guarantee our chores will still be there so long as we are. And that doesn’t make us a bad homemaker. Just like skipping a day of in-depth Bible study doesn’t make us any more or less righteous in the eyes of God. We fight legalism in the spirit realm, and some days we have to remember it needs fought amongst the piles of laundry, too.