Oh, Baby[wise]: Part 1
Welcome to part 1 of my Babywise series (read the intro here). Today I’m discussing things I don’t like about Babywise.
Nutrition: The emphasis in Babywise is on sleep, not nutrition. Those two priorities are reversed. (I’m not saying this is the intention of the authors, but I believe this is how it comes across.) The first priority for a baby is food! Especially with a breastfed baby, making sure that s/he is not hungry is extremely important, because unless you’re pumping, there’s no external marker for how much Baby is eating.
Babywise emphasizes sleep and scheduling, but the danger is that parents will assume Baby is not hungry because “it’s not time” for him to eat yet. This is what can lead to that oh-so-scary phrase “failure to thrive.” Updated editions of Babywise do include an entire chapter on “Monitoring Your Baby’s Growth,” which is good.
But there is very little information or emphasis placed on outlying factors such as differences between individual babies, differences in mothers’ milk supplies, growth spurts, etc. For some babies, every 2.5-3 hours is just not enough. Others do well eating every 3 hours from the very beginning. There is no one-size-fits-all.
Comfort: It’s also assumed that you should never nurse your baby for comfort or nurse her to sleep (unless, of course, you’re on an airplane or in another situation where she might disturb those around you). I just don’t want to be that strict with my baby. If he’s teething and in pain, I want to comfort him. I think that’s part of the gift of breastfeeding. And sometimes I do nurse him to sleep, although I’ve tried hard not to make a habit of it for his own sake!
Breastfeeding: Babywise does not give adequate advice on breastfeeding, but the way it is written seems to say, “This is all you, a nursing mom, need to know.” Breastfeeding is far more complex than the book makes it out to be.
Parenting style: It masquerades as “the” way to parent – if you don’t do it this way, your child will be one of those “attached,” clingy, fussy, awake-all-night babies. But isn’t that just natural baby behavior? Of course we are responsible to train our babies, but not beyond their maturity level. I think the book can get into parents’ heads and make them afraid to parent any other way, lest they do it “wrong.”
Scheduling: If you’re a type-A, organized person, it may be hard to manage the whole “scheduling” idea – i.e., it may drive you crazy before it helps you. I think it may cause parents to be frustrated with their babies because they’re not meeting prescribed milestones “on time” or doing things “the right way.”
Exclusivity: Babywise seems to say that your baby will never sleep through the night unless you follow its instructions. But many babies sleep through the night without this routine. The book also says that most Babywise babies will sleep through the night by 12 weeks old, and that the remaining few will experience some night crying… automatically assuming that you’re going to leave your baby to cry in the middle of the night instead of feeding him, just because he’s now “old enough.”
Crying it out: The book is casual about letting your baby cry it out before naps and at bedtime. I think any cry-it-out method needs to be put into practice carefully and very responsibly. The authors seem to think crying it out will work for every baby, and that it is parents’ only option for having a peaceful home.
What are your thoughts, especially if you’ve read and/or used Babywise?
In spite of these points, I don’t think Babywise is all bad, and I’ll be saying more about that in part 2 of this series, coming up on Thursday. Stay tuned!
Thanks for your thoughts, Tamara! I completely agree about the human depravity tidbit… Babywise does not take away original sin!
The cry it out method is different for every parent/child. The first time you do it is quite hard. With Hannah, the 5 to 10 minutes of crying helped her to release her energy and sleep more peacefully. With Andrew he would work himself up to just a tizzy in 3-5 minutes and from that point on you had to hold and comfort him to sleep. With Micah he has only had a few wimpers (no real crying it out) and then falls asleep (so thankful!!).
Too bad Babywise doesn’t show more options, but like with most subject books they take the approach that their way is the best way.
It was good to hear your experience, Joanna! Sometimes Christian has needed to cry a little just to settle as well. Several times we’ve had to do more of a long-haul cry-it-out, but it usually just takes once and he’s back to his normal drifting-off-to-sleep-in-5-minutes self.
I hope you don’t mind if I comment too even though I haven’t read the book (though you are making me curious!) I think that routines are very good but strict scheduling can be not so good. I do think however, that this works best if you have a large family.
My first one was on a nursing schedule and did sleep through the night at a young age but she over all has had the most long term sleep problems she had troubles at various times throughout the first 6 months and then terrible problems going to sleep after that ~ but we think there was will involved with that.
It could be personality…. my next two have nursed whenever it was time and to sleep always ~ yes I know what they say but by my own experience, our home has been SO much more peaceful and the children much more secure when I took the time to relax and nurse them to sleep. They also don’t fight sleep as much. My present nursing pattern would be nurse, sleep, wake, nurse, wake, nurse, sleep! Not that I am suggesting THAT at all for anyone else! (nursing needs)
My two year old goes to sleep and sleeps much, much better than my first one and is very secure. My second two are also not very clingy at all and can amuse themselves (even alone) for good periods of time (even the 7 month old!)
My first one under schedule was much more clingy and doesn’t like to be left alone much though, like I said, there is personality involved! But I wonder still if I would have done things a little different if she would also had a better time of it!
Now, as a side note: all three were very healthy (nice and chubby in a good way) so we never feared failure to thrive!
I hope you don’t mind my 2 cents worth and I will be watching for the next post!
Of course I don’t mind you sharing! That is very interesting about how your second two ended up sleeping better than your scheduled first. Just goes to show you that every child is different and what works for one won’t work for them all!
I haven’t read Babywise, but have a pretty negative impression of it based on what I’ve heard. I’m really curious to hear what you think is worthwhile about it, given all these negatives.
I also don’t think the eat-wake-sleep cycle makes sense. I heard somewhere that breastmilk has tryptophan in it–the same substance in turkey that makes you sleepy after Thanksgiving dinner! It’s normal and natural for nursing to make a baby sleepy and for nursing to be a calming, effective way to get baby to sleep. We never actually nursed to sleep simply because DS wasn’t interested (he was never a comfort nurser–just wanted to eat and be done) but I always nursed him before naps and before bed and it worked out really well for us. Some babies might naturally be awake after eating…but it seems unnatural to *make* them stay awake when breastfeeding lends itself so well to relaxing the baby and putting him/her to sleep.
I thought I should also add to my comment, and I’m not sure if the book says this, but the first month of baby’s life I usually let them “be in charge”. Meaning I feed them when they are hungry, nurse them to sleep (especially if I need the rest!), and let them even sleep in the bouncy seat at night. You cannot schedule a 1 weeks old. That doesn’t really work! (in my opinion)
I think I would agree with you on most parts. Now, it has been seven years since I’ve read the book, but I think those were my thoughts too. I do remember reading that it is a routine that they were encouraging, not a schedule. I agree with that. The “eat-wake-sleep” cycle is very good.
On the comforting effects of nursing (not just for nurishment) Isaiah mentions it (obviously as a word picture, not a how to for mothers! lol) in chapter 66 verse 11.
I also agree that the book reads as though if you don’t use this method, your child will grow to be a selfish human. Hello! That is born in all of us sinful people. It will manifest itself eventually, even if you use babywise!