Giving Grace.
Sometimes when a brother or sister sins against me, I act like they don’t deserve the gospel anymore. They’ve hurt me somehow, and I feel bitter. So I try to pay them back with the silent treatment, or angry words, or critical thoughts. I excommunicate them because I think they don’t deserve grace.
True… they don’t deserve it. I’m right about that.
But I’m sinfully neglecting the earth-shattering reality that I don’t deserve grace either. And yet it’s been lavished on me in a greater measure than I can imagine. How can I turn around and withhold that grace from someone else… whose sin against me is far, far less than mine against my Savior?
If I can’t give grace to others, that will prove that I don’t understand or care about the vast reservoir of mercy that allows me to call God Father.
This post is a mirror of Accepting Grace. I hesitated to write it because I have so much growth to do in applying it in my own life. But I felt compelled to add it anyway, because it’s so vital.
Accepting Grace.
I act like I don’t deserve the gospel after I sin. I’ve given into my own desires instead of obeying my Lord. And then I’m remorseful. So sometimes, I stop praying for awhile. I stop reading the Bible. I excommunicate myself… because I’m ashamed to come back. I don’t deserve it, I think. I don’t deserve grace.
Truly, I don’t deserve it. I’m right about that.
But the crazy thing about Jesus dying for me is that I’m commanded to trust Him as my Savior. When, albeit temporarily, I give up hope because I’m sorry for sin, that’s not repentance – that’s disobedience. I disobey the gospel by staying away from it. The more sinful I am, the more I’m commanded to flee to the cross.
My mind can’t wrap itself around this sometimes, but I’m learning slowly. Isn’t He good?
Links for Homemaking Help
I just wanted to share some of the practical resources and convicting inspiration that have really helped me! Having a basic routine, priorities, and plan mapped out is so important for me. And being reminded of the importance of my calling makes all the difference.
From Simple Mom:
From Women Living Well:
- Managing Our Time, Family, and Home
- Mundane Tasks Are a Hidden Treasure
- Embrace Homemaking – Be Busy at Home
From Passionate Homemaking:
- Establishing a Morning Routine – Maximize Your Mornings
- Get a Chef, a Maid, and a Nanny by Creating Effective Routines
- Building a Home Planning Notebook
Now to put these words into practice… take a deep breath, stand up, leave the computer behind, and get to work! Who’s with me? 
Hope Road on Facebook
If you like our little community here, would you pretty please become a fan? (As soon as I have 25 fans, I can reserve my username… which would be lovely. Edit: Reached that goal; thank you!)
It’d be especially helpful if you don’t read via RSS. That way you can get my updates in your news feed.
But either way, I’d love to see you there!
P.S. I also added a badge to my sidebar… feel free to use it on your blog if you like picture links!
A Time for Intentional Homemaking
Welcome to my new series. Each Wednesday I’ll be exploring what God’s Word has to say to me on the topic of managing my time as a wife and mother.
Ah, keeping house! If only it were this easy (sans rats and roaches):
The first Scripture I thought of on this topic was Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, the famous “a time for everything” passage.
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die,
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted…
a time to break down, and a time to build up…” (vv. 1-2, 3)
What impressed on my heart is that there is also a time for everything I do as a homemaker. God has given me 24 hours a day, and this is enough time for everything He has called me to do!
Is there time for everything I want to do? No. Do I have time to waste? No.
But the Lord, who is sovereign over time, has given me a time to work (I am to be “working at home” [Titus 2:5]), time to rest, time to spend with Him, time to spend with my husband, time to spend with Christian, time to evangelize, time to disciple and be discipled, time to serve, and time for recreation. I even believe He has given me a time to blog.
So my job must be to arrange my life around the Lord’s calling for me… around His kingdom, not mine… in a pattern of self-denial, not self-indulgence, for “she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives” (1 Timothy 5:8).
What a highly intimidating calling! I must admit that I fail at this on a regular basis, which was my motivation for starting this series.
Today’s application for myself is to be intentional. I’m not just talking about schedules and to-do lists, although those things help. But they won’t create self-denial in my heart if I’m only focused on me. The Lord’s agenda for me is what I need to be seeking! And that is going to take thought, prayer, and purposefulness so that I don’t waste my life away in the everyday minutiae of homemaking… instead of living a God-glorifying life in the minutiae!
I want to hear from you! How are you intentional with your time, whether you’re a homemaker or not? How do you seek the Lord’s agenda in your life?
New Series: The Homemaker’s Clock
One of my biggest struggles as a new stay-at-home mom is managing my time. I have an inclination to self-indulgence and laziness. I also struggle with being task-oriented to a fault… feeling like a failure if I’m not consistently productive, checking everything off my to-do list. I am easily distracted (especially by the glowing beacon of the computer screen!). And I am legitimately fatigued much of the time, since I am still up multiple times per night with Christian.
How do I balance all of this? How do I rest purposefully without wasting time? How can I be productive and efficient without being an obsessive perfectionist? Most importantly, how can I glorify the Lord with how I spend my time as a homemaker?
I know I’m not alone in trying to figure this out. So I invite you to read along each Wednesday (starting tomorrow) as I explore what God’s Word has to say to me on the topic of managing my time as a wife and mother.
Strengthened : 1,000 Gifts
74. The saints who are martyred for Christ. They remind me that “she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives” (1 Tim. 5:6). They deny themselves for the sake of Christ to a degree that shames me, but strengthens my faith.
75. The movie Luther.
76. Our church picnic.
77. Time spent with church friends who are moving away.
78. Key lime pie yogurt.
79. Burp cloths – a brilliant invention.
80. Reading a chapter on self-denial vs. self-gratification from Mary Kassian’s book Girls Gone Wise (the inspiration for #74).
81. The joyful mothering of other mamas at church.
82. An adorable hat on Christian’s little friend Charlotte.
83. A little girl in children’s church asking if she could ”pet” Christian.
84. Pregnant mamas!
85. Hand-me-down baby clothes.
86. Sales at the grocery store.
87. Free samples in the mail.
88. My sweet, chubby baby.
89. A husband whose main free time activity is reading the Bible.
90. Hope for the future.
91. Having a three-day weekend to look forward to.
92. Ann Voskamp, who started Multitude Mondays. She is an inspiration. Gratitude is a much more difficult and rewarding discipline than I realized.
93. People who go out of their way to be encouraging.
Oh, Baby[wise]: Finale
Today I’m concluding my series on Babywise. (Be sure to start with the intro, part 1, and part 2.) I’m sharing other baby wisdom I’ve learned, and some final thoughts.
Chronicles of a Babywise Mom is a seemingly exhaustive resource on babyhood. The author writes about many methods besides Babywise – including those from books like Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and The Baby Whisperer. Some of her advice is really helpful even if you’ve never heard of Babywise. From her blog and other reading and real-life moms, these are some of the ideas that have helped me the most:
- Having a simple routine before naps and bed to calm Christian and help him transition into sleepy mode;
- As I mentioned before, spreading out a feeding over half an hour or an hour, instead of assuming he is done when he stops the first time;
- Nursing him to sleep if he needs it or if I’m not sure he’s full - but not making a habit out of it; making sure he can fall asleep without it;
- Paying attention to how long he’s been awake and his tired cues, so I can put him down before he’s overtired.
I have found that while trying to “do” Babywise, reading about it, and talking about it on message boards, I can easily get caught up in it. I can miss the joy of being a new mother. But more than that, I can spend more time listening to what people I don’t even know tell me about child-raising, than I do reading the Word of God and paying attention to the wise people He’s placed in my life. That’s where real baby-wisdom comes from.
Being a mother doesn’t come with a formula or handy list of what to do when. I don’t want to immerse my mind in methodology and problem-solving, rather than thinking about the Lord, and relying on Him for wisdom and grace. I don’t want to approach Christian’s baby months as a problem to be solved, or as an inconvenience for me… as difficult as those middle-of-the-night feedings are! I don’t want to always hear Babywise in my head, telling me the rules. I want to hear the Word of God in my head!
Practical advice is still helpful. I’m not going to toss the baby out with the bathwater… haha. I like to read books and magazines and get helpful ideas. But at the same time, I am learning not to care so much about what I read, but to take what’s helpful for us and enjoy Christian’s baby days as much as I can!
Please share your thoughts in the comment section!
Oh, Baby[wise]: Part 2
Welcome to part 2 of my series on Babywise (also see the intro and part 1). In part 1 I shared things I disagree with in Babywise. Today’s post is about things I don’t disagree with and things I like.
I phrased that purposefully, because what I don’t disagree with in Babywise is cry-it-out. But I don’t like it, and I don’t think it’s discussed helpfully in the book. (See part 1 for more about that.)
This is completely a personal opinion: I think a little crying before sleep is okay, for the purpose of teaching your baby to soothe herself. I tried it when Christian was a newborn – just laying him down and letting him fuss for awhile, but it didn’t “work” and I felt bad because he was so young. I was determined not to do it anymore, but by the time he was 6 weeks old, he was eating frequently, but still cried himself to sleep even if I was holding him.
Finally, we decided to let him cry it out before naps, and within a couple of days there was a huge difference. He usually just fusses a few minutes before his naps now. I did not do cry-it-out because I wanted to follow Babywise. It was the decision we made as parents. So I don’t disagree with this tenet of the book, but it’s not my favorite part, for sure!
Now, onto some Babywise ideas that I actually agree with!
Eat/wake/sleep. This is a very helpful routine, and it’s recommended by sources other than Babywise, too. It helps dissociate eating from sleeping, so Baby won’t become dependent on food to sleep. It also allows Baby to be well-rested and full during his awake time, so he can enjoy it. It also provides a consistent, predictable routine, which I think is very healthy.
[There are two problems with it, though. One is that you assume Baby's not going to be hungry again because he started out the cycle with a feeding. But sometimes he needs to be fed again a few minutes later to really get that full tummy. The other problem is short naps - Baby is supposed to dutifully sleep until it's "time" to eat again, but trust me, most babies don't naturally like to take 2-hour naps 3 times a day. This makes it very difficult to follow the Babywise schedule!]
Feeding times. It was helpful starting to out to have a general idea for how many feedings Christian should have in a day. Of course, I could have gotten this information from other sources, but Babywise does have it too. From the time he was born, I have made sure to feed him at least every 3 hours during the day, to help him differentiate night and day, which he was able to do very quickly. Of course, this is a maximum time – Christian was more of an every-2-hour eater for a long time.
Full feedings. I also appreciate the book’s emphasis on doing your best to get in full feedings from day one. This helps ensure Baby has a full tummy and doesn’t need to snack all day long. Of course, Babywise is completely anti-snacking, which I don’t think is entirely realistic – don’t we adults like to snack too? But I think the concept of feeding more at one sitting so you can feed a little less often during the day is generally a good one.
Your thoughts? Come back tomorrow, and I’ll finish out the series with some other baby wisdom that has helped me, and a few concluding thoughts.
Understanding
Yesterday, a typical sweltering May afternoon in Florida (ironic, considering the snow in this picture), I started my car to get the air conditioning going. I went inside and hefted my 16-pound baby in his carseat. Back outside, I snapped the seat into its base.
Then I realized I still needed to lock the house. And my house key was attached to my car key, which was currently in the ignition. I opened the front passenger-side door and leaned across to turn off the car. I backed out quickly… and nailed the top of my head on the door frame.
I was frustrated with my immediate headache as I locked the house and proceeded to do my Walmart grocery shopping. I began to notice suspicious symptoms… a continued headache, slight nausea, sudden fatigue, and mild dizziness.
When I got back home and unloaded the groceries, my ears began ringing. I looked up concussion symptoms online and texted my husband. He confirmed that I probably did have a concussion.
Under normal circumstances, this would not have caused me to freak out. But there’s a back story. My husband grew up playing football and sustained several concussions throughout the years. In December 2008, just before I moved down to be near him while we were engaged, he got two more concussions – one from a minor car accident, and one from doing the same thing I had just done… banging his head on the roof of his car.
The cumulative effect of all these concussions led to a condition called post-concussion syndrome, which is basically a concussion that takes longer than average to heal. He has experienced lingering symptoms for over a year now. They were very intense in the beginning and interfered with his day-to-day activities… he even went to the E.R. as he tried to figure out what was wrong with him.
His symptoms have gotten gradually better but are still not completely gone – and it’s been a year and a half since the initial impacts! This gave us some unique challenges during our engagement and first year of marriage!
So I am a tad paranoid of anything happening to his head. And mine by extension.
But I noticed something interesting as A.J. texted me that afternoon and in his concern for me when he got home from work… in the questions he asked, the reassurance he gave me, and the understanding he offered. He completely understood. He had experienced my infirmity to a greater extent than I would!
In spite of my paranoia, it was comforting to know that he had been there, and he knew.
And that reminded me of this verse about Jesus:
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” (Hebrews 4:15)
In the struggle against sin, Jesus knows. He knows far more than I ever could… because He never gave in. He faced every temptation… but He withstood them all. He suffered far more than I could ever imagine. He conquered every sin, and then He died for every sin He never committed!
Verse 15 is followed by that famous verse about prayer: “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Since Jesus is abundantly able to sympathize… since He has been tempted in every respect but is without sin… let us draw near to the throne of grace with confidence, knowing that He understands, knowing that He has mercy for us in our time of need!
Just as A.J. was fully able to sympathize with me in my head injury, because he had experienced it to a much fuller extent… in the same way, my Lord God is mightily able to sympathize with me in my struggles and temptations, because He came to earth and underwent the same thing.
