Pride. [masquerading as humility]

I read this article by Tim Sweetman today, and it really hit home for me. After I stumble into sin again, I am tempted to wallow in depression and self-pity, unwilling to read the Bible and pray, feeling cut off from God, feeling like I have to stay in that mindset for awhile in order to “pay for” what I did – so God, and other people, will know that I know I messed up. As if I could ever pay for it. These are some of my favorite excerpts, but I encourage you to read the entire article.

Missed my Bible study again. Yelled at the guy who cut me off on the road. Then whined and complained to God about my work situation. Still struggling with pride and tongue. The weight of all my responsibilities is piling up, developing into an out of control mass of tasks.

Man, I am the prime example of the ultimate Christian loser!

Some days, it seems that one moment I’m on top of the world. I’m leading worship. I’m writing articles. I’m studying my Bible (and haven’t missed a day in weeks).

Then it hits: Sin.

Before I know it, I’m four days in, losing the battle against the flesh…

And those moments provide the perfect opportunity for the devil to push into motion the deadly sin of pride.

“Pride?” you ask. Yes, pride. “At the moments when you are lowly?” Yes, pride. “At the moments when you hate your sin?” Again, yes, pride.

I know it seems impossible at times when you are losing the battle that you can be prideful in any way, shape or form. But that is the sad reality.

I hadn’t understood this previously, but I’ve learned that there are two completely different sides of the coin called “pride.” One side we all are quite familiar with. It’s the “Hey-I’m-the-best-ever” pride that we all struggle with. The other is less recognized and far more dangerous.

This other side of pride is the “I’m-too-big-a-sinner-to-receive-grace” pride that we often allow to pass by as a quite acceptable sin. I have always thought that I should be humble like Jesus. I should be hard on myself when I sin, and hate the flesh because I am doing things in opposition to the flesh.

Yes and no.

Yes, I must hate the sin. I must dread the sin, detest the sin. I must mortify the flesh and do it at all costs.

However, the devil can quickly take advantage of my “lowly state” after failure. Before I know it I am wallowing in self-pity, experiencing the dangerous symptoms of depression and anger.

I see this often at work in my own life. I’m in the period of post-sin and allow Satan to begin his attack by telling me that I shouldn’t be having problems with sin. I should just quit any leadership responsibilities that I have. Loser Christians should not be allowed to do what I do…

Self-pity (seen in depression and anger after sin and failure) is a serious sin that I so often allow to pass by as an acceptable sin in my desire for humility. However, I must remember that it is “pride posing in the demeanor of weakness” as John Piper says. It is cunning and deceptive, lurking about my heart ready to strike at the moments when I let our guard down.

Self-pitying people desperately want to be good, not for the glory of God, but for themselves. They want to do things for and by their own power and might for the personal recognition. They want everyone to serve them, like them, and approve of them. When these desires are not fulfilled, a prideful person will become even more inwardly focused and will continue a vicious cycle. (Exemplary Husband by Stewart Scott, page 179)

Should I have brokenness over my sin? Absolutely! However, if I am not careful, this brokenness can quickly turn into the deadly sin of self-pity.

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