Along the road of mothering
Today I was thinking about how ironic it is that I have been almost exclusively working with children since I graduated from college. My plan was not to work at a daycare until I got married and had a baby, that’s for sure… but somehow things worked out that way.
Why do I say this is ironic? Not because I don’t love kids. I do. That’s why I originally started working with them during my summer breaks – besides all of the babysitting I’d been doing since I was 11 years old. What’s ironic is that kids are unpredictable, uncontrollable little creatures. Taking care of them is not calm, peaceful, systematic work.
And I thrive on calm, peaceful, systematic work. I’ve loved school (except a few choice subjects) ever since I learned to read. My favorite college classes were not especially creative or experimental… they were traditional and structured. I knew what to expect.
I like to read. Books are little worlds for the imagination, but they are controllable by nature of their inherent limitations. I decide when to read and what to read and for how long.
I like to write. Words are inexhaustible and difficult to handle, but they are mine to work with, and they too are limited, to the page or the computer screen.
I like to plan, to make lists, to plot out my days and my projects and my schedule, so that I have a visual and mental image of the way my life and home are running.
I like to organize, to make things tidy, to have a place for everything and everything in its place, to have a peaceful atmosphere around me, unencumbered by clutter and disarray.
When I took a personality-career test my freshman year of college, one of my suggested career options was that of a librarian.
Wow. Sounds so stereotypically spinsterish. As if I have no personality, so I have to spent my life among dusty, whispery rows of books, rolling squeaky metal carts back and forth as I reshelve clunky hardcovers and cheap paperback romance novels. (Of course, being a librarian actually did sound somewhat attractive, but it was the stereotype that I felt humorously offended by.)
And in spite of my love for order and structure, I have been working with children since the month after I graduated from college. Not only did I work in daycare for a year and a half, but now I have my own adorable baby to take care of (yay!).
The irony should be obvious by now. Children, as I said, are unpredictable. Of course, it is possible to teach them. That is my job. It is possible to establish order and routine and strive for a peaceful atmosphere. But there will be wet beds and fevers and missed naps and crying in the grocery store. There will be disobedience and sibling rivalry and many, many nights of missed sleep. There will be colicky infants and grumpy ten-year-olds.
And this is the life I am called to, for now. This is the life the Lord will use to sanctify me.
That’s such an amazing thing to me. I was not given a sterile, orderly environment that I could perfectly control. Even though I may think I would thrive in such an environment, my guess is that it would really stifle me, keep me narrow-minded and even lazy. Instead, I have been given a realm of influence where I definitely do not have perfect control. I affect everything around me, and I am responsible for my influence, but I cannot make things go the way I want them to.
I know this in my head. I’m hoping that it makes its way down to my heart. Just some thoughts from my early steps along the road of mothering.
Good and Beautiful :: the simple woman’s daybook
Outside my window…
yet again it’s sunny and beautiful. And our lawn is getting trimmed.
I am thinking…
about my husband coming home from work soon!
I am thankful for…
two good naps in a row for Christian! (One was thanks to a grocery store trip, because he loves his carseat, but still.)
From the kitchen…
oh, this is not impressive… it’s hot dogs in macaroni and cheese for dinner. And strawberries. A.J. showed me the hot dog “recipe” and while it’s not gourmet I think it’s really yummy. It’s turkey dogs and macaroni shells, if that makes any difference. A.J. is good at getting me hooked on his favorite foods, as he was observing last night… graham crackers, peanut butter sandwiches, etc. Wow, we sound like preschoolers.
I am wearing…
a red shirt and brown skirt. I just changed out of jeans. They are so hot and I don’t fit into my pre-pregnancy capris yet. Skirts are much better.
I am creating…
tension between my shoulder blades. What a weird answer. It’s the only thing I could think of.
I am going…
to read, feed Christian, make dinner, and make my to-do list for tomorrow since I hardly finished anything on it today.
I am reading…
Ephesians 3:16-19, Psalm 127, and Exodus. Also, the same books I mentioned a couple weeks ago: a biography of Abigail Adams, writings from Katherine Parr, and a fiction book titled Home by Marilynne Robinson. The GirlTalkers mentioned her other book, Gilead, on their blog, and John Piper also wrote about it. I tried it and surprisingly didn’t like it, but I’m liking this one a lot, except for a couple disappointing instances of profanity. It’s so hard to find good (moral) and beautiful fiction.
I am hoping…
to sleep well tonight.
I am hearing…
silence.
Around the house…
the windows are open! I love spring!
One of my favorite things…
little baby clothes… they’re multiple things, but they’re so fun. I have my own live baby doll!
A few plans for the rest of the week…
not many! Hoping to spend time with friends.
A picture thought I am sharing…
Christian yesterday afternoon.
“You’re not a single lady, buddy!”
Quite a change-up from my most recent posts, but I saw this on Heather’s blog and laughed so hard (hit the full-screen button for a better view).
Sacred Reminders : 1,000 Gifts
6. The beginning of Holy Week, full of sacred reminders of our Savior’s path to the cross, the tomb, and the resurrection.
7. The gospel, which I must obey, being a gospel of grace. Called to obey grace. What an amazing thing.
8. The throne of grace, where I am always welcomed again, though I linger and hesitate.
9. Times of devotion – both a duty and a delight.
10. The pure blue of the sky.
11. My baby’s sweet breath.
12. The sense of sight, so I can take in the beauty of creation and my loved ones’ faces, and be able to move through life smoothly and productively.
13. Modern photography, so I can capture moments with more than my memory.
Pride. [masquerading as humility]
I read this article by Tim Sweetman today, and it really hit home for me. After I stumble into sin again, I am tempted to wallow in depression and self-pity, unwilling to read the Bible and pray, feeling cut off from God, feeling like I have to stay in that mindset for awhile in order to “pay for” what I did – so God, and other people, will know that I know I messed up. As if I could ever pay for it. These are some of my favorite excerpts, but I encourage you to read the entire article.
Missed my Bible study again. Yelled at the guy who cut me off on the road. Then whined and complained to God about my work situation. Still struggling with pride and tongue. The weight of all my responsibilities is piling up, developing into an out of control mass of tasks.
Man, I am the prime example of the ultimate Christian loser!
Some days, it seems that one moment I’m on top of the world. I’m leading worship. I’m writing articles. I’m studying my Bible (and haven’t missed a day in weeks).
Then it hits: Sin.
Before I know it, I’m four days in, losing the battle against the flesh…
And those moments provide the perfect opportunity for the devil to push into motion the deadly sin of pride.
“Pride?” you ask. Yes, pride. “At the moments when you are lowly?” Yes, pride. “At the moments when you hate your sin?” Again, yes, pride.
I know it seems impossible at times when you are losing the battle that you can be prideful in any way, shape or form. But that is the sad reality.
I hadn’t understood this previously, but I’ve learned that there are two completely different sides of the coin called “pride.” One side we all are quite familiar with. It’s the “Hey-I’m-the-best-ever” pride that we all struggle with. The other is less recognized and far more dangerous.
This other side of pride is the “I’m-too-big-a-sinner-to-receive-grace” pride that we often allow to pass by as a quite acceptable sin. I have always thought that I should be humble like Jesus. I should be hard on myself when I sin, and hate the flesh because I am doing things in opposition to the flesh.
Yes and no.
Yes, I must hate the sin. I must dread the sin, detest the sin. I must mortify the flesh and do it at all costs.
However, the devil can quickly take advantage of my “lowly state” after failure. Before I know it I am wallowing in self-pity, experiencing the dangerous symptoms of depression and anger.
I see this often at work in my own life. I’m in the period of post-sin and allow Satan to begin his attack by telling me that I shouldn’t be having problems with sin. I should just quit any leadership responsibilities that I have. Loser Christians should not be allowed to do what I do…
Self-pity (seen in depression and anger after sin and failure) is a serious sin that I so often allow to pass by as an acceptable sin in my desire for humility. However, I must remember that it is “pride posing in the demeanor of weakness” as John Piper says. It is cunning and deceptive, lurking about my heart ready to strike at the moments when I let our guard down.
Self-pitying people desperately want to be good, not for the glory of God, but for themselves. They want to do things for and by their own power and might for the personal recognition. They want everyone to serve them, like them, and approve of them. When these desires are not fulfilled, a prideful person will become even more inwardly focused and will continue a vicious cycle. (Exemplary Husband by Stewart Scott, page 179)
Should I have brokenness over my sin? Absolutely! However, if I am not careful, this brokenness can quickly turn into the deadly sin of self-pity.
The Simple Woman’s Daybook ~ 3.23.10
Outside my window…
it’s another gorgeous March day in Florida. I think it’s actually chilly, but it sure looks beautiful.
I am thinking…
about whether this is a boring meme for my readers, but I enjoy filling it out.
I am thankful for…
today being my 6-week checkup. Hopefully I can start really exercising now (other than taking walks).
From the kitchen…
I’m making spaghetti for supper. I have some muffin mix in the cupboard that I’ve been wanting to make for over a week. Maybe I’ll do that too.
I am wearing…
my pj’s still! I like to get dressed first thing in the morning, but I tried to take a nap today after A.J. left for work. Christian had other plans. I just put him down for his second (attempted) nap and am about to go get ready myself.
I am creating…
a peaceful home, I hope!
I am going…
to the park today if I can swing it (no pun intended).
I am reading…
Aapti’s story from the Redeemed series.
I am hoping…
that Christian will fall asleep soon.
I am hearing…
Christian fussing off and on in his bassinet. He loves to fight sleep. (But today and yesterday he’s just been fussing a bit before his naps and then drifting off to sleep.)
Around the house…
the floors are looking quite unkempt. Our vacuum started smoking the last time I used it, so I haven’t been able to vacuum since last Monday. Un-vacuumed carpet bugs me!
One of my favorite things…
decaf vanilla latte mix. Mmm.
A few plans for the rest of the week…
my sister is here until Thursday morning.
A picture thought I am sharing…
a walk in the park Sunday evening. (A.J. is pushing the stroller; it is not just floating along by itself!)
Refreshment : 1,000 Gifts
2. Refreshment from the Word first thing in the morning.
3. The man who God gave me for my husband almost one year ago.
4. The baby who lights up my days with his smiles… and teaches me many things with his cries!
5. A church where I can worship, learn, and fellowship.
Today, I want to hope.
…That I will love Scripture more than books or blogs.
…That I will be a doer of the Word and not just a hearer.
…That I will find my greatest delight in secret communion with God, in prayer and meditation on His Word.
…That I will be a faithful, respectful, loving wife.
…That I will be a joyful, sacrificial, loving mother.
…That I will choose affliction over sin.
…That I will make the most of each fleeting day of my short life.
…That I will value Christ above all else.
…That I will mature and grow in Christ, increasing in self-control, becoming a woman of strength and dignity.
…That I will be a Mary, not a Martha – not distracted by much serving, but focused on the one thing that’s truly important.
…That I will not be lazy and self-indulgent, but diligent, seeking excellence in all I do.
…That my actions will flow from a pure heart transformed by grace, instead of a hypocritical spirit putting on a face.
Taking stock of my heart, mind, and life right now, I am tempted to think I have no reason to hope for these things. They seem like far-off, ethereal desires – like a bell I can hear faintly ringing in the distance.
But I dare to hope anyway.
Because “of Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think.” A God who remembers His covenant, whose promises never fail.
“Spiritual fatalism is tragic in the church. It leaves people stuck. It takes away hopes and dreams of change and growth. It squashes the excitement of living—which is growth. It’s like saying to a gawky little girl who feels like her body is all out of proportion: well that’s the way you are, and you will always be that way, when in fact she is meant to grow and change…
The fatalist says, ‘I can’t fly. I can’t even run. My feet are frozen in my genetic makeup and my dysfunctional family of origin. And besides that I don’t have any wings. I cannot fly. That’s the way I am.’ But over against that fatalism, the gospel says, ‘Fly! You don’t have desires for the milk of the word? Well, have them…’
If God says to desire, when we don’t desire, then we trust him that he must know something we don’t know. He must have some power we don’t have. There must be a way. That’s the opposite of spiritual fatalism. God commands it. So there must be a way. I will not settle for less than what God commands, even if it is a command to fly.”
We’re All the Same… But Different
First, a little plug - I have a new favorite blog: Like a Warm Cup of Coffee. Sarah Mae tackles difficult subjects with grace and truth. She uses her blog as a platform for encouragement and exhortation. She keeps it personal; she writes about her own life. But it’s not all about her. You can tell her focus is reaching out to others.
(Some of my favorite posts: Overcoming Laziness, It’s Hard to Be a Stay-at-Home Mommy, Wife, & Homemaker, Soon and Very Soon, and I’m Not Only Not My Own, I’m Not My Own! [boy, do I need to take that last one to heart.])
Now, on to one of her most recent posts. It’s titled Joyce Meyer (uh-oh… controversy alert!). She writes,
“Popular.
Effective.
Engaging.
Missing the mark.“
…and quotes 1 Timothy 2:12 and 3:15, which say that women are not to teach or be in authority over men. I enjoyed the ensuing discussion. My favorite comment was by Courtney:
“C.H. Spurgeon said, ‘It’s mere cant to cry, “We are evangelical, we are all evangelical!” but decline to define what that is…’
Under the umbrella of ‘evangelical’ there is a vast array of bad theology presented. Addressing and defining our differences is important for the purity of the church.”
I love that. It encapsulates the importance of good theology. Not to cause divisions and quarrels, but because what we believe about God is so important.
