Full Term.

Pregnancy = a little interloper in your body. An interloper who keeps growing and taking over. During the first trimester, he left me constantly nauseated and exhausted. Now, nearing the end of the third trimester, he’s made almost as much room for himself as possible, rendering me unable to sit, sleep, walk, breathe, or bend over the way I used to. It’s fascinating, the way a tiny little zygote invisibly grows into a recognizable baby. Miraculous, for sure. Wearisome at times. Completely consuming physically.

What’s intriguing me right now, though, is not so much the way our little one has taken over my body. It’s the way pregnancy becomes all-consuming emotionally and mentally as I near the end. It consumed me in the beginning, mostly because its physical symptoms were so unpleasant and demanding I couldn’t think about anything else. Once I felt better, I enjoyed being pregnant, but it didn’t take over my thoughts – I had a tiny baby bump and lots of time until he would be born.

Now, though, it’s impossible to go for more than a few minutes without thinking about it – pregnancy, and him – the baby. Being kicked in the ribs, making the 5,000th trip to the restroom (I wouldn’t normally write about that, but we all know how pregnant women are), watching my stomach morph into strange shapes, feeling numb on one entire side when I wake up in the morning… and the fun things, like washing and folding his clothes, watching my husband paint his room, and hearing his heartbeat at my doctor’s appointments.

I can’t stop thinking about it all. And everyone who sees me can’t stop talking about it (except my husband, the only one who’s around me often enough to be somewhat used to it). You’d think the constant pregnancy talk would bore or annoy me eventually. (I’m always afraid of doing that to other pregnant women.) But it doesn’t, because pregnancy is almost all I can think about right now too. I have to remind myself to take an interest in other people’s lives and ask about them, too – not just answer the questions, “How are you feeling?” and, ”When is your due date again?”

I guess it’s an introduction to parenthood, particularly motherhood. Put two mothers together and they can go on for hours about details and particularities that would bore anyone else. It’s the same with pregnant women (or a pregnant woman and any woman who’s ever been pregnant) - put us together and there’s a bond of sorts; here’s someone who understands!

I’m pondering this because I’m 37 weeks today, and when I clicked the “Add New Post” button, all I could think to write about was a follow-up to my last entry about being 36 weeks along. It’s hard to focus on anything else! So I’ll indulge the urge to share my excitement… I’m finally officially full term. If the baby was born now, he wouldn’t be consider premature. His lungs are fully developed and ready for life outside the womb. I start going to the doctor every week now.

(I could actually have written every one of those last four sentences as an exclamation, but I’m sparing you.)

Sometimes I almost panic. Like when I was riding in the car with my husband yesterday, on the way to our friends’ house, and we passed the road we’ll have to take to get to the hospital on D-day. Why did we want to have a baby right away? What do we know about parenting? What will it be like to not just be us any longer, to have our little one in his carseat behind us? I am not emotionally or spiritually mature enough to be a mother! I’m going to be tired all of the time, my house will be a wreck, and I will look like a stereotypical stay-at-home mom. I’ll only lose 10 pounds of baby weight… and the list goes on…

Other times, I am so excited. I hold my friends’ newborns and look at their chubby little cheeks and feel them wiggling in my arms, and smell their delicious baby smell, and I can’t wait to hold my baby. I can’t believe I get to be his mother. I’ve loved so many babies in my life, but I’ve never gotten to be the mother before. I can’t wait for that; I can’t wait to see A.J. hold him and be a daddy; I can’t wait to see his first smile and take care of him.

I’ve been neglecting personal devotions lately. I’ll read the Word, and journal, but not focus my time and thoughts as I should. And now I need it more than ever. I’ve been meaning to set aside specific time in my communion with the Lord to pray about this big change that’s coming, as it seems so all-consuming and overwhelming. I need that! I’m completely helpless to do this on my own.

So time to do the next thing - switch the laundry, put meat in the Crock Pot, vacuum, and open the Word as the day wanes.