Antipsalm 23

In an insightful introduction to a series about counseling from a biblical perspective, David Powlison imagines an “antipsalm 23″ – what Psalm 23 would be like from the exact opposite perspective, someone who does not walk with God. These words are dark and taste bitter, but they are life for those who do not know Christ.

I’m on my own.
No one looks out for me or protects me.
I experience a continual sense of need. Nothing’s quite right.
I’m always restless. I’m easily frustrated and often disappointed.
It’s a jungle — I feel overwhelmed. It’s a desert — I’m thirsty.
My soul feels broken, twisted, and stuck. I can’t fix myself.
I stumble down some dark paths.
Still, I insist: I want to do what I want, when I want, how I want.
But life’s confusing. Why don’t things ever really work out?
I’m haunted by emptiness and futility — shadows of death.
I fear the big hurt and final loss.
Death is waiting for me at the end of every road,
         but I’d rather not think about that.
I spend my life protecting myself. Bad things can happen.
I find no lasting comfort.
I’m alone … facing everything that could hurt me.
Are my friends really friends?
Other people use me for their own ends.
I can’t really trust anyone. No one has my back.
No one is really for me — except me.
And I’m so much all about ME, sometimes it’s sickening.
I belong to no one except myself.
My cup is never quite full enough. I’m left empty.
Disappointment follows me all the days of my life.
Will I just be obliterated into nothingness?
Will I be alone forever, homeless, free-falling into void?
Sartre said, “Hell is other people.”
I have to add, “Hell is also myself.”
It’s a living death,
         and then I die.

Contrast those words with the words of the real Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil.
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Dr. Powlison writes, “The psalm is sweet, not bitter. It’s full, not empty. You aren’t trying to grab the wind with your bare hands. Someone else takes you in His hands. You are not alone.”

I am so glad I live in the psalm, not the antipsalm. And this fills me with compassion for those who still live in the emptiness.

You Just Lost One

This video is really good (not for young readers). From 6:05 on especially for me. I just happened to watch it tonight after seeing it on Jenn’s blog, so I thought I would link it and write a little about it. Earlier this year, until I was convicted soon before New Attitude, I was sucked into the world’s lies about music and entertainment. Little by little, I let my standards dissolve. I allowed myself to think that I could watch these awful music videos and listen to these songs over and over again and they wouldn’t affect me, wouldn’t cause me to stumble, wouldn’t cause me to get further from God – because they didn’t affect my life at all; I didn’t change what I thought about things or how I lived or dressed or acted. But sin is so deceptive.

All about lust, money, self, and s*x
Yet those things are the reason Christ was put to death
So who you usin’? That Chris Brown, T-Pain, Ne-Yo, Beyonce game
Every artist’s motivation is the same
To take my heart away from the reason Christ came
…’Cause all that music was to glorify me
Yet the reason Christ came was to mortify me
…And I said I was just listening to the beats, y’all
I said I was just listening to the beats
You had me so blind to the content
I was so deceived, didn’t realize Satan’s disguises
I was hitting repeat
And at the same time they were pushing repeat when my Savior was beat

I used to have such high standards, and then I gave them up for the world’s lies. I look back on that now, a few months later, and I see that even though I was still trying to stay close to the Lord, I was experiencing some unexplainable doubts about His goodness and character. Now I realize what sin was doing in my heart, even when I couldn’t see any other effect. I am so thankful to God for convicting me and leading me to repentance. I am so thankful for my Savior.

None of us are exempt from sin. And it’s so not worth it. Let’s cling more closely to the Savior so we too can live lives that tell our enemy, “You just lost one.”

The Gospel is All-Encompassing

From Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes:

Not every person who professes to be a Christian treasures the Gospel with… enthusiasm and tenacity. For some Christianity is just one part of their busy lives. They’ve got work, their Tuesday morning self-help group at the YMCA, their workout schedule – oh, and their spiritual life, too. Others see their Christian experience as something to look back on – “the day I said ‘the’ prayer” or “walked the aisle” or “joined the church.”

For many Christianity is a ticket to heaven. They want the assurance that everything will be okay when they die, but they don’t want to get too serious about it today.

Many families fit Christianity in as part of their lifestyle package. They enjoy the wholesome atmosphere the church provides, good moral teaching for the kids, potluck suppers, and women’s meetings.

Not one of these last few views of the Gospel is the real deal; none of them sees the Gospel as the Bible reveals it. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is unrelenting in seeking to convert every area of our hearts and lives. The Gospel is all-encompassing. It is in fact the only source of godliness. Search anywhere else, and you have nothing more than self-reform at best and idolatry at its worst.

These words are piercing, and true! They remind me of Jesus’ words in Luke 8:14: “And as for what fell among the thorns, they are those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life, and their fruit does not mature.”

Christianity cannot be not just one small element of our lives. It is not a self-help tool, or a convenient addition to our weekly schedule, or a social event, or a private spiritual practice. True Christianity should define, take over, and transform us. If the gospel does not play this role in our lives, then it is not really planted in our hearts.

Grief :: Healthy eating :: Kid quotes

I have three completely different things to write about today, but they’re all fairly brief, so I’m just going to combine them into one post.

Grief ~ I have read two insightful, honest posts about this lately. The first is by Tim Challies, entitled Joy Comes with the Morning. He writes about Joni Eareckson Tada’s suffering, and her transparency about “the sick, strange comfort of [her] own misery.” Misery does have a certain comfort – the comfort of familiarity sometimes, if nothing else (especially when it’s not physical). I really appreciated the way Tim wrote about this temptation.

The second post was written by Mike Delorenzo, a missionary pilot in Kenya whom I have linked to before. He writes about his sick daughter’s question, “Why did God make me like this?” He writes, “This is not the sort of God you would expect…” Read the rest here: The Envy of Angels.

Healthy eating ~ Kim at Lifesong just published the second entry in a series she’s doing about good nutrition. I like what she wrote in this particular entry: “The occasional ice cream or high fat meal may not be wrong, but when we are seeking pleasure and satisfaction from food above our satisfaction in Christ, we are making something as enjoyable and important as food an idol.” This is an area where it has been hard for me in the past to find the balance between not eating enough (for self-image reasons), or just being lazy and eating whatever I want. Either one of those extremes makes food too much of a focus and dishonors the Lord. I appreciate Kim’s balanced perspective.

Kid quotes ~ And of course, I can’t work at a daycare without writing about the cute things the kids say! Today I worked with the four-year-olds, and they were quite funny. After naptime, we usually fix the little girls’ hair, and today one of the little boys came up to me and said, “Miss Anna, make sure you make ’Ashley’s’ hair beautiful!” I wasn’t even doing her hair at the time.

Later on, we were playing Play-Doh, and one little girl kept talking really loudly (almost yelling), so I eventually said, “Honey, your voice is too loud.” She promptly responded, “I know… God made it like that.”

The last one was at the end of the day. We usually take the elevator up to the closing room, but some of the kids prefer to take the long flights of stairs. There were only four kids left, so I said, “Do you guys think you can handle it if we go up the stairs instead of the elevator?” The same little boy who made the beautiful hair comment earlier said seriously, “I don’t know if I can handle it… with these hiccups.” I try not to laugh at the kids in front of them, but I couldn’t help it that time!

Yet so long as my God lives…

Preacher, theologian, and writer Jonathan Edwards and his wife Sarah were the parents of eleven children. One of these children was their daughter Esther. She was widowed after her first child was born, and not long afterwards her baby became gravely ill. During her son’s sickness, she wrote this to her father:

Altho all streams were cut off yet so long as my God lives I have enough – He enabled me to say altho’ slay me yet will I trust in thee… O how good is God… I saw the fullness there was in Christ… a kind and gracious God h[as] been with me in six Troubles and in seven.*

How can anyone look loss in the face and declare that everything may be taken, but as long as God remains they will have enough? That confidence comes from relying on the very truth that Esther’s father preached so passionately –  all joy ultimately flows from and is found in God. Jonathan Edwards wrote:

The enjoyment of God is the only happiness with which our souls can be satisfied… Fathers and mothers, husbands, wives, or children, or the company of earthly friends, are but shadows; but God is the substance. These are but scattered beams, but God is the sun. These are but streams. But God is the ocean.*

Only God can open our blind eyes and let us see the all-encompassing, all-satisfying light and glory of who He is. Even now, my eyes are dim and my faith is weak – but I pray that He will reveal Himself to me and satisfy my heart in Him.

*quoted in A God-Entranced Vision of All Things, John Piper and Justin Taylor

Song each morning

Maybe it’s because I was homeschooled and had the luxury of staying home all day, every day. But I tend to think this perspective is unique to children in general: the feeling that the days are so long and full of possibility. Every day seems new and different. When I was little, I couldn’t wait to get up in the morning. I wasn’t allowed to get up until seven. And then the excitement of the day would begin, even if it was just the same normal routine I was used to.

Now it’s often the opposite, but should it be? Even if I think I know what the day will hold – the same old dull routine – do I not have every reason to awake rejoicing? After all, think of just a few metaphors used for the Christian life – once lost, now found; once blind, now seeing; once a prisoner, now set free. If I had been truly lost for years and finally found, wouldn’t I be thankful for that fact every single day? If I had truly been blind and had miraculously received my sight, wouldn’t I just be glad to be alive? And if I really had been a prisoner sentenced to death, and now was free, wouldn’t I wake up singing freedom’s song each morning?

All of those things and more are real. It’s not “natural” to us to keep spiritual realities first in our minds – but that’s what we’re called to do (Col. 3:1-2). But these spiritual realities are powerful and should influence my life in every aspect. So tomorrow morning, when the alarm goes off, am I going to wake up in rejoicing in His new mercies, or repining because each tiny circumstance isn’t what I would wish?

Taking the Leap

I know it’s a tired metaphor, but watching one of my little students jump off the diving board today made me think about risk-taking in life. Our class was at the Y for the last time this summer, and at the end of their lesson, the kids (ages four and five) were all offered a chance to jump off the diving board into the deep end of the pool, for the first time. The swim instructor would wait beneath the board to catch them.

Surprisingly, only one brave little guy volunteered. He walked to the end and jumped in calmly and confidently, while the other kids watched and emphatically shook their heads when we asked them to try. Having seen his successful venture, another little girl decided to give it a whirl. She tiptoed up the railing and down the length of the board, then hesitated at the end.

The instructor gazed up at her, encouraging her to jump and promising that he would catch her. She looked back, knees slightly bent in preparation for the jump, while the other teacher and I cheered her on from the sidelines. But she froze too long, and then started to shake her head and back away a little. We told her to come back down and gave her high fives anyway. Then the first boy got a chance to jump again.

The metaphor I thought of is obvious – how many times in life I’ve been like that little girl, standing at the edge of the unknown while gazing down at my Instructor who is so prepared to catch me… yet unwilling to trust Him and believe His promises. I don’t want to stand trembling with my toes curled around the edge of the diving board, lingering in my uncertainty. I want to jump with complete trust, certain that He will catch me.

“I trust in the steadfast love of God forever and ever.” (Ps. 52:8)

“I was pushed hard, so that I was falling, but the Lord helped me. The Lord is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation.” (Ps. 118: 13-14)

“Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.” (Isa. 26:4)

Any of These Little Ones

Thanks for being patient during my blog break. I’ve been encouraged to keep blogging, and I think I am ready to start writing again, so here goes!

It looks as though I am going to be at my daycare job for a little longer than I had anticipated. I am amazed at how much of a difference is made by my perspective and attitude – the difference between being thankful and joyful where I am, or being unsatisfied and discontent.

One mindset I try to have relates to how I think about the children I take care of. If I’m only considering externals, I won’t realize the privilege and honor it is to look after them. I try to grasp a spiritual reality – these children were made by the King, whose child I am. And He has, for this time, given me the task of being their caretaker. How would I treat children who lived in an earthly king’s palace? I would spare no care or energy, even in the most menial of tasks. How much more precious are these little ones who were created by the God of the universe. And I don’t go unrewarded, by Him or them. Lord, give me grace to remember.

Toddler Talk

While I’m on blog hiatus, I’m re-posting some entries from my archives. Lord willing, I’ll be back to writing new content in a few weeks – see you then!

One of the funniest slash most annoying things about working with toddlers is their penchant for latching on to one phrase and repeating it twenty times, just in case by some chance I hadn’t understood what they said the first nineteen times. For example (events in this story do not necessarily correspond with reality word-for-word):

“My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut.”

I smile and nod. “Yes, sweetie, that’s your donut.”

“My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut.”

Feeling slightly desperate, I point to the donut and repeat, “Yes! That is your donut!” while smiling brightly with as much enthusiasm as I can muster while trying to keep track of eight other rambunctious two-year-olds.

Still the little voice continues, eyes alternating between me and the donut, tone growing in urgency and insistency, finger tapping my shoulder.

“My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut.”

 At this point, I am tempted to grab the donut, pop it in my mouth, and declare triumphantly, “My donut.”

But finally, he’s distracted! With one last sigh of contentment and “My donut,” he heads off to another activity.

Whew.

(originally published August 10th, 2007)

Going Back to Yesterday

While I’m on blog hiatus, I’m re-posting some entries from my archives. Lord willing, I’ll be back to writing new content in a few weeks – see you then!

“But there’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”
-Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

Isn’t it a wonderful feeling when renewed and utter gratefulness for grace sweeps over you like a flood? Yesterday I was thinking about something I had done that ended up hurting someone. I felt so miserable. The person had forgiven me, but I couldn’t forgive myself. I couldn’t impress the reality of God’s forgiveness into my thick head. I was talking through it with a friend, and processing through the realization that I don’t have to live in the sins and mistakes of the past. I said, “It’s not like I’m walking around with a black mark on my head or something.”

I wasn’t directly relating that statement to the cross, but as I said it, that flood of reality came rushing in and overwhelmed me. I would be walking around with a black mark on my head if it weren’t for Jesus. And I don’t have it anymore. Everything is forgiven. All of it. I don’t have to go back to yesterday and bear the weight of my failures then. I am new in Christ. I can’t even fathom this grace. I am so thankful.

(originally published September 28th, 2007)