Babies, Teenage Moms, and Hope
Young motherhood is back in vogue.
Was it ever in vogue? Yes – in past decades and centuries, girls married and began having children at much younger ages than they do now. The average age of marriage and parenthood has risen dramatically.
The feminist movement of the 1960’s and 70’s promoted the idea that women should delay having children until they had already established a successful career.
Now, however, it seems the feminist idea has been carried too far. Many successful career women are hitting their mid- to late thirties and realizing that the possibility of having children is less than they would wish. And in spite of media’s continued encouragement of late motherhood, a grassroots backlash has begun. I’m not just speaking of conservative Christians. Sadly, this response has taken another form.
Being a teenage mother is becoming much less culturally reprehensible. It is, in some spheres, becoming a coveted role. The Internet is replete with blogrings full of teenage girls who want to become mothers immediately. I have come across some of these, and they have moved and saddened me.
These groups are moving because they shows the heart of the vast majority of women to be mothers, not only successful careeer women. And the groups are sad because they reflect the moral bankruptcy of the culture. Most of the members have no idea what it would mean to live chastely, enter a godly marriage, and only then have children.
Instead, they are left to find an immature teenage boy who can fulfill their desire for a baby. From what I’ve read, many of the young women are not even focused on finding a long-term Prince Charming; really, any guy will do. They just want to have a child. (That is a disappointingly frequent occurence, but it is not true for all teenage mom hopefuls.)
I recently wrote about young single Christian women in the blogosphere. As I have been writing this entry, it’s hit me again how blessed we are. I don’t want to just keep that blessing to myself, though. The culture is morally bankrupt, but in Christ, we have access to moral worth. Women are not going to find fulfillment in successful careers. Neither are they going to find fulfillment in having children. The only place where we can rest our restless hearts is Christ.
How am I supposed to communicate all this to others – in this case, teenage girls who want to become moms too soon? Honestly, I’m not sure. But I do know that God can give us willing hearts, and opportunities to live and share His truth. So I want to encourage myself and my sisters in Christ: let’s not underestimate the power we have, even in our little online communities, to share the hope of Christ.
Thanks, Kaysie. St. Augustine wrote, “Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in You.”
It seems that I recall reading some commentator like Mohler on this topic a year (or was it only months?) or so ago.
Would you agree that much of the motivation of these girls to have a child is so that they will feel needed and wanted? Feminism also teaches that women don’t need men, and consequently, the detachment it brings forth only results in this kind of desperation. I’m somewhat thinking aloud with that last line, but I’m curious to hear if you think those might be factors as well?
Any further job leads?
Jacob, I haven’t read the Mohler article, but it sounds interesting. I looked for the link, but I might have to do some more poking around.
I think that part of the motivation certainly could be the desire to feel needed. Maybe part of it is that they’ve almost given up on finding a good man (and the cynicism about that is so prevalent), but there is hope in the idea of having a baby, because a baby is not going to walk out on you. The idea of a long-term committed relationship, much less a marriage, can seem like a pie-in-the-sky ideal.
And no further job leads. Thanks for asking. I’m applying to a lot of interesting positions, though.
While it is starting to get off-topic, I’m rather curious to hear why you think there is a lot of cynicism when it comes to finding good men. I certainly don’t have any trouble with that, but it could just be the circles I ran (and still run) in.
In the culture at large and by the feminist movement in particular, I think cynicism about men is encouraged. Just listening to popular music can confirm this – there are so many songs by women full of anger and hatred towards men. It’s a cultural mood related to many factors. But I think a component of it in this particular case – young women wanting to be teen moms and not caring as much about meeting Mr. Right – is that teenage boys who want to be in a long-term relationship or marriage are definitely in the minority. So there’s a lack of optimism about even the possibility of it. Meanwhile, teenage girls know that marriage is supposed to be a long way away, but they don’t want to wait that long to have a child. So the focus becomes having a baby instead of meeting Mr. Right.
Thank you for the encouragement – we should always try to share the love of God – we don’t know how big our circle of influence actually is!
I really enjoyed this post. Thank you for sharing so honestly and in a way that is sweet and not condescending. I find we want change in our culture and I have trouble wanting to yell..and finding more and more a soft answer is what a lot need..the truth but in love.
I think..with all that is going on in our society there is an absence of older women teaching younger women simple things through the Word of God…(or even older men teaching the younger men) that makes for a rich marriage, single life, and parenthood. We rarely even know our neighbors through all the busyness much less develop strong, authentic relationships with one another. We pass in the night, strangers in the same home.
God spoke to the Israelites to speak of things all the time…speak of what God has done..pass on things…but with divorce and shattered relationships those things are not passed down.
Melanie, you are so right! Thank you for bringing that point forward. (And welcome to Hope Road. 
) That is what the whole Titus 2 model is… younger women learning from older women.
For anyone who wants to read more about it, I think Susan Hunt has written a lot about the importance of older woman to younger woman discipleship, although I haven’t read any of her books specifically about it. One of them is Spiritual Mothering.
I agree, it is sad that so many very young women are having children. And all the things that go hand in hand with it make life very difficult for them…having to support yourself and your child, dropping out of school/college, your child who will have to live with the out-of-wedlock stigma – if only people considered the repercussions of such actions before doing them! I’m not trying to be judgmental at all – I just don’t like to see these young women who could be pursuing other things like their educations, jobs, college, etc., to prepare them for the rest of their lives being thrust into these adult situations.
On the other hand, I applaud them because they have chosen life for their child and graciously dealt with the consequence of their action (unwanted pregnancy).
Thanks for a good post, Anna – and thanks for writing in a way that fosters great discussion!
It’s hard to believe some girls actually want to have illegitimate children… But I think I can understand their motives. We need to stand strong like a lighthouse of truth and hope in this sea of immorality. Perhaps some will see the light and be saved. Thanks Anna!
We are a few years behind the UK in culture decline. I was a missionary there in 2005/06 and saw lots of teenage girls pushing baby carts down the street like they were an accessory time. This was a regular occurrence.
Hi Anna, if you want to reach out to young women, there are a ton of different options open to you.
1) Be trained to be a peer counselor at your local pregnancy resource center. then you can meet weekly with a young woman or two and mentor her.
2) Be trained to present abstinence programs in your local schools. Here in northern virginia, we have a program called KISS’N … Keep It Simple Say No, which presents abstinence and self-worth to about 3000 high school kids each year.
3) Become a leader in your church’s youth group. Maybe lead a small group Bible study for high school girls in your church.
4) Become a leader in any of the youth outreach programs in your local high schools, such as Fellowship of Christian Athletes, Youth for Christ, Young Life, etc.
5) Become a tutor for any after-school programs in your community that help at-risk youth to have more success in school and to choose longterm goals that are better for them.
these are just a few that leap to mind. I’m sure that if you talk to your church leadership that they can help point you in the direction of tons of ministries that would love to have your help, and maybe some of them would even have a job opening that you would like!
Thanks, Lynellen! I appreciate that for myself and for others who are reading. I have done #5 for two and a half years and loved it. And interestingly enough, this is one of the areas where I am researching potential jobs. So thank you!
Wow. I have chill-bumps reading this, Anna.
I give a passionate Amen to all you said. Thank you for this encouragement and inspiration to continue to share the hope of Christ.
“The only place where we can rest our restless hearts is Christ” That is beautiful.