Comments on: Spirituality in Opposite-Gender Friendships http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/ Journeys as a daughter of the King Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:39:27 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: b http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-20274 b Tue, 10 Aug 2010 01:11:11 +0000 http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/04/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/#comment-20274 sad thing is the very guy who was pushing me toward purity and appropriate male/female relationships decided to take what was left of my innocence. i hope that young women really take this to heart. that 'safe' guy who loves God, is not attracted to you, and works in the church is not as safe as you may think. never rely on another person to set the boundaries. sad thing is the very guy who was pushing me toward purity and appropriate male/female relationships decided to take what was left of my innocence. i hope that young women really take this to heart. that ’safe’ guy who loves God, is not attracted to you, and works in the church is not as safe as you may think. never rely on another person to set the boundaries.

]]> By: Emily (Unfurling Flower) http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-631 Emily (Unfurling Flower) Fri, 22 Feb 2008 14:54:41 +0000 http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/04/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/#comment-631 Really great post Anna, and so well explained. Good job! I know exactly what you mean about spiritual intimacy leading to intimacy in other inappropriate areas. Really great post Anna, and so well explained. Good job! I know exactly what you mean about spiritual intimacy leading to intimacy in other inappropriate areas.

]]> By: Tim http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-646 Tim Sat, 09 Feb 2008 02:30:34 +0000 http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/04/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/#comment-646 Wow Anna, I never imagined some people might translate modesty and prudence in personal relationships as abusive! So let's see...if you as a single girl are cautious of sharing your most inner self with the young men around you, you are actually a victim of those men, who probably don't realize that they are victimizing you. And by sharing your ideals with other women, they then too are being victimized by the vast "modest-wing conspiracy" in the church. Hmmm... As a man, I can say that I believe that women actually hold most of the power in relationships with men. Men are weak emotionally and dependent on women to shore them up most of the time. While men are often circumstantially more powerful, women are more relationally powerful. Women should realize that oftentimes a wise and prudent women can change her circumstances by using the power of relationship - not always, but often. As today's liberal women attempt to change the power structure in their circumstances, they give away the power in relationships because has to be framed by modesty and prudence. As to the example of Jesus' relationship with women of his day, I will say this. Jesus was perfect and without sin; I am not Jesus. He also did miracles; I am not Jesus. I will not be producing miracles, and I will not be allowing women I am not married to sit at my feet, in the sense of intimate relationship. To take Jesus example as a model for us is a misuse of Scripture and invites my sinful heart to great danger. Remember that Proverbs reminds us that "the heart is deceitful above all...". Whether liking it or not, modesty and prudence exercised by good women is a blessing to their Christian brothers. Sorry for the extra burden, but then again, we'll try to accept the extra burden we have to "love our wives as Christ loved the Church". Wow Anna, I never imagined some people might translate modesty and prudence in personal relationships as abusive! So let’s see…if you as a single girl are cautious of sharing your most inner self with the young men around you, you are actually a victim of those men, who probably don’t realize that they are victimizing you. And by sharing your ideals with other women, they then too are being victimized by the vast “modest-wing conspiracy” in the church. Hmmm…

As a man, I can say that I believe that women actually hold most of the power in relationships with men. Men are weak emotionally and dependent on women to shore them up most of the time. While men are often circumstantially more powerful, women are more relationally powerful. Women should realize that oftentimes a wise and prudent women can change her circumstances by using the power of relationship – not always, but often. As today’s liberal women attempt to change the power structure in their circumstances, they give away the power in relationships because has to be framed by modesty and prudence.

As to the example of Jesus’ relationship with women of his day, I will say this. Jesus was perfect and without sin; I am not Jesus. He also did miracles; I am not Jesus. I will not be producing miracles, and I will not be allowing women I am not married to sit at my feet, in the sense of intimate relationship. To take Jesus example as a model for us is a misuse of Scripture and invites my sinful heart to great danger. Remember that Proverbs reminds us that “the heart is deceitful above all…”.

Whether liking it or not, modesty and prudence exercised by good women is a blessing to their Christian brothers. Sorry for the extra burden, but then again, we’ll try to accept the extra burden we have to “love our wives as Christ loved the Church”.

]]> By: Eva http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-627 Eva Wed, 06 Feb 2008 00:22:00 +0000 http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/04/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/#comment-627 I heartily agree with you, Anna. I heartily agree with you, Anna.

]]> By: Kaylene http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-630 Kaylene Tue, 05 Feb 2008 22:14:44 +0000 http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/04/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/#comment-630 *debates in mind: should I comment...or shouldn't I?* Just like everybody else, I have a ton to say about this topic. I'll try to limit myself. I would just like to say: 1. thank you 2. you're right 3. you're perspective is almost extinct 4. we all hate to admit when a motive could be wrong in a relationship 5. even when our motives are not romance, the other person involved may have other feelings (this is called "facing reality") and may not even be able to identify it for themselves. 6. I'm looking forward to the next installment. 7. In case it crossed your mind because of some of the comments above, I don't really think you came across as legalistic in this post. I have more, but I will be quiet now. thank you. and have a nice day. ;) *debates in mind: should I comment…or shouldn’t I?*

Just like everybody else, I have a ton to say about this topic. I’ll try to limit myself.

I would just like to say:
1. thank you
2. you’re right
3. you’re perspective is almost extinct
4. we all hate to admit when a motive could be wrong in a relationship
5. even when our motives are not romance, the other person involved may have other feelings (this is called “facing reality”) and may not even be able to identify it for themselves.
6. I’m looking forward to the next installment.
7. In case it crossed your mind because of some of the comments above, I don’t really think you came across as legalistic in this post.

I have more, but I will be quiet now.
thank you. and have a nice day. ;)

]]> By: Anna http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-629 Anna Tue, 05 Feb 2008 17:56:50 +0000 http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/04/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/#comment-629 @Julie: I think men are often hurt and silenced in the church, too. These boundaries serve to protect both genders from being hurt by inappropriate (especially one-on-one) intimacy. @Julie: I think men are often hurt and silenced in the church, too. These boundaries serve to protect both genders from being hurt by inappropriate (especially one-on-one) intimacy.

]]> By: Julie Clawson http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-628 Julie Clawson Tue, 05 Feb 2008 17:50:58 +0000 http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/04/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/#comment-628 I singled out women because they are the ones who get hurt and silenced be the rules. Men have the power and so other men have no problem joining them to serve. When a system affects both genders but harms just one there are perhaps questions that need to be asked of the system. I singled out women because they are the ones who get hurt and silenced be the rules. Men have the power and so other men have no problem joining them to serve. When a system affects both genders but harms just one there are perhaps questions that need to be asked of the system.

]]> By: Erin http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-645 Erin Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:42:21 +0000 http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/04/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/#comment-645 re all comments so far; Good thoughts, I think there needs to be a distinction between being intimate with in a group and intimate one-on-one. When Mary was close to Jesus it was generally in a group context. Also his closest friends (John, Peter) were men. And of course no-one (except God) is perfect, therefore in ever relationship there is the need to guard against sin (whether it's dating, marriage, sibling, friends, leader/group, etc). I think Anna is giving us some ideas to think about to help prevent sin entering a male/female relationship (And also acknowledging the God given powerfulness of such a relationship). re all comments so far;

Good thoughts, I think there needs to be a distinction between being intimate with in a group and intimate one-on-one. When Mary was close to Jesus it was generally in a group context. Also his closest friends (John, Peter) were men.

And of course no-one (except God) is perfect, therefore in ever relationship there is the need to guard against sin (whether it’s dating, marriage, sibling, friends, leader/group, etc). I think Anna is giving us some ideas to think about to help prevent sin entering a male/female relationship (And also acknowledging the God given powerfulness of such a relationship).

]]> By: Hannah Michelle http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-644 Hannah Michelle Tue, 05 Feb 2008 06:50:31 +0000 http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/04/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/#comment-644 The "sacred spaces" definitions were very interesting to read. I have 3-4 "intimate" girlfriends who I can bare my soul to, but even with them I do not share everything at all times. As far as guys go (other than my brother) it's not really something I've dealt with much, since most of the guys I know currently fall in the social realm. I'm sure opposite gender relationships will be more of an issue at some point in my future though, so it's helpful to get some wise thoughts and biblical basis going round in my head. Looking forward to Part 2! The “sacred spaces” definitions were very interesting to read. I have 3-4 “intimate” girlfriends who I can bare my soul to, but even with them I do not share everything at all times. As far as guys go (other than my brother) it’s not really something I’ve dealt with much, since most of the guys I know currently fall in the social realm. I’m sure opposite gender relationships will be more of an issue at some point in my future though, so it’s helpful to get some wise thoughts and biblical basis going round in my head. Looking forward to Part 2!

]]> By: Anna http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-643 Anna Tue, 05 Feb 2008 05:48:01 +0000 http://hoperoadblog.com/2008/02/04/spirituality-in-opposite-gender-friendships-part-1/#comment-643 @Julie: I get where you're coming from. I've struggled with some of those issues and I'm not sure of all the answers. I do know that I wasn't singling out women. I was speaking about both genders, so I'm unsure why you're just applying it to women. @Julie: I get where you’re coming from. I’ve struggled with some of those issues and I’m not sure of all the answers. I do know that I wasn’t singling out women. I was speaking about both genders, so I’m unsure why you’re just applying it to women.

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