Hope Road

Unworthy Prayers

“It is not really the case that we are prayerless. It is just that we have such an exalted conception of prayer that we have overlooked the many prayers that we have despised as unworthy of the name of prayer.”

-Lee Irons (read the whole thing)

(HT: Between Two Worlds)

Spirituality in Opposite-Gender Friendships

In my post Purity Principles, under my discussion of the need to guard our conduct, I mentioned “not becoming spiritually dependent on someone of the opposite gender who could be a romantic interest.” Casey asked me to expound on that idea.

First, let me outline the four spaces of human social interaction. These are called “sacred spaces.” I’m unsure exactly where this concept comes from; I’ve heard it repeatedly from a professor at my school, and I think it’s an excellent description of how things are.

Sacred spaces:

1. Intimate. These are people who you don’t wear masks with - your spouse and very close friends.
2. Personal. People who are close to you, but not so close that you would tell them everything. They know you well and are good friends, but do not see the deepest parts of your soul.
3. Social. Anyone who you know by name/as an acquaintance, are casual friends with, interact with somewhat regularly, etc.
4. Public. Strangers/people you don’t know, famous people, people you pass on the street, etc.

A cardinal principle of sacred spaces is that we only have the capacity for a certain number of relationships in each space; some people have more capacity than others, and some numbers are more healthy than others. The only number I recall with certainy is 2-3 in intimate; the others are informed guesses - around 3-10 in personal, several dozen in social, and many more in public. This whole concept has broad implications for how we interact with people, but I’m going to focus on just this topic today.

Now, in friendships and relationships with the opposite gender, only family relationships should ever be in the intimate space: parent and child, brother and sister, husband and wife. This is partly because spiritual intimacy with someone of the opposite gender naturally leads to physical intimacy. And it is mainly because this level of soul-baring interaction is only meant for marriage. There are three areas where this can become a struggle for Christians: church, friendships, and relationships.

• In the church, we are often encouraged to be completely open with anyone and everyone, particularly in youth groups and singles groups. Honesty, transparency, and authenticity are all very good things, and being personal with each other is good, too. But there is a line that should not be crossed. The times of intimate sharing and soul-baring conversation should not be done in mixed-gender groups.
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• In friendships, there is often a temptation to become spiritually dependent on your other-gendered friend. You have the same ideals and goals in life, so you begin to hold each other accountable about certain things and to lean on each other spiritually. This is dangerous because it is very rare that at least one person in a friendship like this will not begin to develop romantic feelings for the other. And when two people have been very close on a spiritual level, it is extremely difficult not to be close in other ways; and this can cause a lot of difficulty setting appropriate emotional and physical boundaries, even in a friendship.
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• In relationships, this is even more confusing. At some point, as you fall in love with this person, you are going to want to share the deepest parts of your heart. This is part of finding out that you want to marry each other, and I don’t know how exactly this will look in the engagement period. But one good way that I have been taught to keep spiritual intimacy from developing too much and too soon, is to not have devotions and pray together. This really draws you together too strongly for a dating relationship, fosters intimacy in prayer, and makes your spiritual life too much a part of your “couple-hood.” Your spiritual lives need to be individually developed, even during marriage, and especially while dating.

New Attitude, Anyone?

I’m so excited. I have been wanting to go to a New Attitude conference for a long time. God provided a place for me to stay for free, which was the biggest hurdle to be overcome. I’m so thankful. I’m hoping He provides me with someone to drive with, or at least hang out with while I’m there. I listened to all of the messages from last year’s conference online, and they were excellent. This year, the theme is Scripture, which makes me jump up and down in anticipation. John Piper, C.J. Mahaney, Mark Dever, Joshua Harris, Al Mohler… it doesn’t get much better than that.

Anyone else going?

The Unanswered Question

“I do know that waiting on God requires
the willingness to bear uncertainty,
to carry within oneself the unanswered question,
lifting the heart to God about it
whenever it intrudes upon one’s thoughts.”

-Elisabeth Elliot

Barnes and Noble Sale

For all you book-lovers out there, Barnes and Noble’s amazing after-holiday sale is ending tomorrow, February 4th. I found out about the sale through Aimee, and decided to look into it today. In high school, I had a book budget out of my babysitting money, so I ordered things regularly. Now I rarely buy books, but these were such great deals that I had to. (And no, I get no advertising revenue from Barnes & Noble. )

I figured out that I spent $27.81 for an order that would, at online list prices, normally cost $71.65. I know! That’s the best savings I’ve had on a purchase in a long time. All of the books were hardcover editions, and all but one were from the Barnes and Noble Classics Series, which are really nice editions (if you’ll recall, I just bought Emma from that series last weekend). Did I mention that I also got free expedited shipping? Here is what I ordered: 

The Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson by Emily Dickinson
Love Walked In by Marisa de los Santos
Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
Persuasion by Jane Austen
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe

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In other news, I’ve selected a name for our groundhog from yesterday. Click here to find out what it is!

Happy Cromwell Day!

I really hope the groundhog sees his shadow today. Spring fever came upon me when I tore off the January page in my wall calendar this morning. But still, I’m happy for February to linger, because once March comes, school breaks begin and suddenly the semester will seem to be ending! I don’t know how much sense this makes, sorry…

Anyway, last year on my Xanga I asked people what they would name the groundhog. Not just any groundhog, but this particularly pulchritudinous groundhog I have pictured here. So now I’m letting you name him too, and I’ll pick one and let you know which one it is.

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Edit (2/3): Thanks for your participation in this most enjoyable selection of a name! I was surprised at the panorama of creativity. But seriously, I never would have thought of most of those names. Cromwell received three votes, and is, I think, an excellent name for our furry friend. Great suggestion, Charlie! And thanks, everyone, for participating in the second annual name-the-groundhog tradition here at hope road. Cromwell is now returning to his cave for another six weeks.