across a distant sea
I’ve been kind of silent here this week, haven’t I? I’ve posted links, quotes, a meme, and a short random entry, and I haven’t gotten around to writing part two of Spirituality in Opposite-Gender Friendships.
Sometimes, there’s just not much to say. I’ve been following the Uganda bloggers all week, and it’s been beautifully heartbreaking. Those are the only words I can think of to describe it.
See, I’ve been through this journey. A journey that, as a privileged, relatively wealthy young American living in the twenty-first century, I can hardly avoid. And more importantly, a journey that, as a follower of Jesus, I can hardly avoid. It’s simply brought into more bold and pressing relief by the technology and privilege of who I am and where I live.
And this journey is coming face with how I feel about poverty. And what I’m going to do about it.
Sophomore year, I really came to a breaking point, wondering how we dare use a more expensive brand of shampoo or drink soda or have any luxuries at all when people are dying and starving. I don’t know how I resolved those issues in my mind. There are lingering questions, but I did come to peace with a more moderate frugality.
Yet now, this issue is returning. Even though I have seen so many of the images and heard so many of the stories, I am not desensitized. And these stories from Uganda, they are awakening me all over again. How I love to see the hope in these children’s eyes. One young boy was asked by Carlos, what was his favorite thing about coming to the Compassion program. And he said, when we go to class and they teach us about Jesus. Speaking in that soft, formal voice with a British accent - that lovely African voice.
See, I have no answers. Only questions. I do not want to leave all this behind. I am at a unique place in life now. I have the opportunity to make choices that will determine how I will live my future. But what do I do? Where do I go? Where can I make a difference? How do the paths of missions and social justice combine? Can I live in the States and follow Christ the way I am supposed to? Are my fears legitimate?
I don’t know, I don’t know. I have so many fears, so much anxiety even in leading this simple, comfortable life here in this privileged country. How could I live it somewhere else?
There are no cliches, only the hard truth I face up to when I am facedown.
He is enough… for them and for me.
Filed under: Career/Education, Personal Reflection, Struggles on February 15th, 2008
You put some of my own thoughts in writing. I agree with you… Have many of the same questions…. and that all abiding, what am I to do????
May He lead us and guide us into His perfect calling for our lives.
Thank you so much for the subscription. I love your site! It’s so encouraging.
~ L
Beautiful thoughts! Really, I think anyone with a conscience who is listening to Him feels those thoughts. And, are there really any answers? Who knows. But I think that as long as these thoughts are in the forefront of my mind when I’m standing at a checkout, it will reflect in my life. This world is so confusing and frustrating and angering and meaningful all at the same time. Thanks for your thoughts!
I have been reading the blogs this week as well and haven’t been able to make a single purchase or watch any TV, read any magazines, etc., without wondering “what did/does that cost and what would that money mean to Compassion’s kids (or anyone suffering in poverty).
I was at that place five years ago that you’re at now it seems. Single, doing something about the poverty that existed just a few miles from my house, but it wasn’t enough. I knew I could do more. So I started praying about God’s direction for my life and suddenly, He sent me my husband. Eleven months later, on our wedding night, we were pregnant with my daughter who would turn out to have some special needs. I have been completely focused at home. Where God has called me. I have to remember that part as I read the blogs of the people visiting Uganda this week. I get all up in arms ready to just go and do…something! And then I look up from my computer and see my kids and remember, “oh yes. THIS is where God’s called me in this season.” It’s hard to reconcile sometimes simply because of the need, but He’ll call those He’s planned to send to children in Africa or to children in America in poverty, with special needs, with parents, without parents, etc. It’s up to us to listen super carefully and then follow where He leads. I’m so happy to hear that you’re doing that very thing. I am confident that you’ll hear His direction for you and how He plans to use you to build His kingdom through your life and willingness!
For now, the fact that you are thinking these thoughts and feeling these things and asking these questions is enough. God has put you where you are for the moment. Trust that he knows where he will put you next.
Even just *thinking* about it is more than a lot of people will bother to do. But being paralyzed is not a good place to be, either.
I hope that as you continue to struggle and pray, you arrive at a conclusion–even a conviction–about whatever is next.
You seem to be one of those strong souls who will do whatever God asks, no matter how hard or unusual or countercultural in might be…here, there, anywhere….
He’ll use you wherever you land, as you walk intimately and obediently with Him.