The Beauty of Submission (Guest Post)
Welcome to the third entry in the Soul Sisters series! Click here for the introduction to the series.
Guest post by Eva (my mother!)
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Today’s truth:
Submission in a godly marriage is not demeaning; it is freeing.
Submission is a matter of trust – a matter of the heart.
“The Lord has done great things for us and our hearts are filled with joy” (Psalm 126:3). One of the great things Christ has done for us is to willingly submit Himself to the authority and will of His Father. Because of His example we too can experience the joy of submission.
As David Kotter wrote on Gender Blog:
What difference does the doctrine of the eternal submission of the Son make in our hearts? It reassures a wife that her role in marriage is not ignoble or demeaning. If this imitates the role that Jesus Christ assumes in the very Godhead, then a wife’s role is fundamentally noble and good.
There are few things more counter-cultural and gospel-displaying than a wife joyfully imitating Jesus Christ in his submission to the Father. Though Jesus was in the form of God, he did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but humbled himself. For this He was highly exalted, and in the same way a wife of noble character is more valuable than precious rubies.
Submission has been given such a bad reputation because of the egalitarian views of so many. Marriage is approached from the mindset that all responsibilities and decisions are to be equally shared by both spouses. But I think the majority of the misconceptions are from the woman’s point of view. Women want their husbands to divide the housework, share the cooking, take turns with the children, etc. But honestly, how many men expect their wives to change the oil in the car, repair the roof or crawl into the crawl space. Therefore the disdain for submission stems from the sense of injustice that comes with the thought of a woman having to do “woman’s work.” The image comes to mind of the man coming home from a hard day’s work, sitting in his recliner, paper in front of his face, demanding, “Wife, where’s dinner! I’m hungry!” while the poor worn-out wife scurries about like a frightened mouse striving to please his every whim. What a sad and terribly false picture this is of the beauty of submission.
To me there is great comfort in submission. I love to know that I am under my husband’s protection. That the really tough decisions and the responsibility that comes with them, he will gladly bear.
My efforts at submission have revealed my heart to me. I haven’t always done it very well. There have been times when I have handled situations as if I knew better, all the while thinking I was being submissive. And God has faithfully shown me my error and covered it by His grace. The question is always – am I willing to trust and obey my husband in the big and little things? And even more importantly, am I willing to trust and obey God? After all, submission is His idea. It is a kind of spiritual discipline through which I can attain spiritual maturity, peace, and joy.
-This post was written by my dear mother. She and my dad have been married for over twenty-three years. It is from her example that I first began to appreciate the value of submission in marriage.
It’s Okay to Desire Modesty
Welcome to the second entry in the Soul Sisters series! Click here for the introduction to the series.
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Today’s truth:
You do not need to sacrifice your modesty in order to prove that you are “comfortable with your body.”
Contemporary culture is exploiting women by selling us a lie – a lie that says unless we are willing to be public with almost every aspect of ourselves, we are not truly comfortable with who we are. Instead, we’re supposedly stunted by hang-ups, prudery, self-consciousness, and shame.
Let me suggest to you that culture couldn’t be more wrong about this. Things have become twisted to such an extent that we as women now feel we have to prove that we are worthwhile and dignified by holding nothing sacred. There is nothing we shouldn’t wear, nothing we shouldn’t talk about, no secret we should keep from the world.
Yet I believe that many young women are growing weary of this system. Perhaps they don’t even realize it, but they are tired of having to exploit themselves in order to be accepted. They are left defenseless and open to the scrutiny of a cold and curious world when they don’t construct any barriers for their own protection.
Modesty in clothing does not connote shame of one’s body. Rather, it connotes value – that our physical selves are sacred and important, meant to be protected, not put on display and flaunted to every passerby.
One of the cardinal virtues of a woman in years past was her modesty, and not just a narrow definition of modesty. In 1823, Webster’s dictionary had this to say:
“In females, modesty has the like character as in males; but the word is used also as synonymous with chastity, or purity of manners. In this sense, modesty results from purity of mind, or from the fear of disgrace and ignominy fortified by education and principle. Unaffected modesty is the sweetest charm of female excellence, the richest gem in the diadem of their honor.” (source)
What a beautiful definition, fitting well within the biblical paradigm. I firmly believe that not only should modesty characterize a woman of God, but modesty is a blessing of God for our protection and dignity. How much more free and empowered we would be as a culture of young women if we would embrace the principles of both outward and inward modesty. (For more on this, I encourage you to check out A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit, and Emily’s post on dressing modestly for yourself.)
Let’s close with some words from Scripture.
“Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness – with good works.” (1 Tim. 2:9-10)
Worth from God, Not Men
Welcome to the first entry in the Soul Sisters series! Click here for the introduction to the series.
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Today’s truth:
You are a creation of God, and your worth comes from that fact, not from what the males around you say or think.
For many years, it has been a struggle for me to not let my heart be ruled by fear of what the guys around me think of me. This post is as much a reminder for me as for you. It’s not that other people’s opinions are completely unimportant, but I should not allow myself to be so self-absorbed that I am constantly anxious about what anyone thinks.
Whether or not it’s true, we sometimes attribute unrealistic expectations to guys based on what we see and hear from the culture around us. We may feel that we fall short of real or imagined expectations about body image, attitude, confidence level, being loud or quiet, and countless other characteristics.
But a guy’s measure of you is not the ultimate measure. No matter what he may think of you or say about you, you have someone else on your side, someone who loves and values you infinitely more than any man ever could.
Sometimes we know this in our heads, but not our hearts. It’s easy to brush off this truth as a cliche. Yeah, I know that God loves me. But I want this guy to love me. That’s what really matters.
Let me challenge you to spend time studying and thinking about the love of God and letting the truth of His love for you sink deeply into your heart. When I have a proper heart attitude about the awesomeness of God, the immensity of my sin, and the grace and forgiveness of the gospel, I find His love for me so much more compelling. I want to be concerned with my attitude toward Him on any given day, with how I am loving Him and loving others through Him.
When we have this heart attitude, we are far less likely to spend time obsessing over what the men around us think. Knowing that we are made and loved by the great God of the universe can bring incredible perspective and worth to our lives. Let me close with a few words from Scripture reminding us of this powerful truth.
“The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” (Ps. 145:8)
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued My faithfulness to you.” (Jer. 31:3)
“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Rom. 8:38-39)
Announcing a New Series
Many of you will remember my post from last month entitled Sisters… what I long for you to know. As I phrased it then, that entry was “a stream-of-consciousness list of things I want[ed] to share with my sisters in Christ.” Having reread that list several times since then, I have decided to make it into a series in the upcoming days and weeks, taking each of the fifteen points and enlarging on it in an individual post.
It is my hope that this will be an encouragement for my sisters in Christ, and a good reminder for myself as well. (Guys, feel free to read along and offer your insights, too!) I’ve come up with a somewhat cheesy title for this series, but it’s the only one I can think of – Soul Sisters. 
Tomorrow, I’ll be posting the first entry in this series, entitled “Worth from God, Not Men.”
Happy Sunday!
Obedience = Joy
“It is absurd to think that the truth of obeying… God’s principles can result in anything less than joy.”
Eclipse of the Moon
Did anyone happen to see the lunar eclipse last night? I was leaving babysitting when I noticed how clear the sky was and how full the moon was, so I just took a minute to admire it. Then later, when I was watching American Idol at my sister’s friends’ apartment , they said there was a lunar eclipse. So I looked out the window and it was gorgeous! It made the moon look like paper. If it wasn’t quite so cold (in the negatives, I believe), I would have gone outside and looked at it for awhile longer.
I remember when I was little I was so confused by the idea of an eclipse. My parents would get really excited about a lunar eclipse or a solar eclipse, and they would want to take us to see it at some space conservatory, and I never understood what was going on. I think I gained some sort of brief insight when I actually saw what was happening, though.
Too Young and Conservative
One way I try to live my life is with respect for those older than me. As I’ve written before, this is so lacking in contemporary American culture. We’re encouraged to view the young as the smart and powerful ones, and not to take advice from anyone older than we are. In Titus, Paul instructs the older women to teach the younger women – which means that I as a younger woman need to be listening to and emulating older, godly women.
But this goes hand in hand with another Scriptural doctrine, that famous passage in 1 Timothy: “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in faith, in purity.”
When I write on controversial topics, it’s been said that I need to be humble (read: willing to sacrifice truth) and not talk about things I haven’t experienced. It’s implied – or stated – that I have no right to be talking about such issues, because I’m too young to know better. I have been brainwashed and I can’t think for myself, and I’ll grow out of it someday, hopefully.
To me, this is such a discouraging perspective, and unbiblical, too. I do strive after humility. I do want to learn from those who are older than I am. But my age has nothing to do with my grasp of truth. I will not be deterred by those who say I don’t know my own mind because I don’t have any life experience, or who are quick to assume certain things about my background and who I am. (I am not saying I never do this to anyone else. I do, to my sorrow.)
Yes, I am young. Yes, I believe in complementary roles for men and women. Yes, I believe in the five points of Calvinism. Yes, I believe that part of modesty’s intent is to serve my brothers in Christ. Yes, I believe that women should not be pastors. Yes, I know that we all are influenced by our own races and cultures and backgrounds and assumptions and hang-ups and denominations and dysfunction.
But these are issues that I have read about, though about, prayed over, and even cried about. I am not speaking about them lightly. I am not too young to understand. I am not brainwashed. I am a sinner saved by unfathomable grace. I have been led along this road of hope by Jesus’ hand for awhile now, and I’m doing my best to follow Him. I want so much to be able to please everyone and accommodate everyone’s beliefs. But I can’t, in good conscience, sacrifice truth on the altar of tolerance.
Being conservative, I am an easy target in this postmodern age, because I make the radical claim that what I believe is true for everyone. I know there are shady areas for Christians, that sometimes there are more questions than answers. I freely admit there are so many things I haven’t learned yet, so many things I don’t understand completely. I know that I can say all the right things and still have a black heart. Oh, how I want to avoid being a Pharisee. But oh, how I want to share my heart on these biblical truths.
I am not too young, and I will not allow myself to be crushed. This may not always come across in how I write, but I do try so hard to communicate with humility, gentleness, and respect. And yet each day I also take a stand on what I believe. I have to keep reminding myself that despite what others might think, being young does not disqualify me.
The Sinner
May I ever be the sinner weeping in the corner, begging God for mercy, instead of the eloquent “righteous” person standing in the middle of the room, heaping empty phrases into heaven’s ears.
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Not so long ago, a man from Galilee
Fed thousands with His bread and His theology
And the truth He spoke quickly became the joke
Of educated, self-inflated Pharisees like me
Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Face down on the ground, do I dare to
Take the liberty to stare at You?
What a shame to think that I’d appear
Even slightly cavalier in a matter of salvation
It is easy to insist on what is packaged and precise
And dismiss the clear suspicion that You’re bigger than we like
It is tempting to regard You as familiar in so many ways
I know I can’t explain You, I would not even try to
And still it’s clear that You are here beside me
I marvel and I wonder, so near and somehow still so far
What makes You who You are
[Nichole Nordeman, "Wide Eyed," "Tremble," "Who You Are"]
I love Him.
it will come
Winter is a creeping confinement. One November day, snowflakes drift down gently and surprisingly. Snow is a novelty, a refreshing glimmer against the cold gray of late autumn. Then, if it’s a good year, snow lies peacefully in sloping white heaps throughout December, enough to look pretty but not to impede Christmas preparations. We need warm clothes, hats and mittens and scarves, but these items of clothing haven’t been worn for months. They’re cozy. The bite in the chilly air brings zest to the season.
Then comes January, and after the chaos and glitter of the holidays, winter settles in to stay – a little more serious, even grim now. Snowfall after snowfall after snowfall. The parking lots are bordered by white mountains. The wind swirls clouds of snow above the frozen streets. The mornings are black and bitterly crisp, and cars are buried and scraped off, buried and scraped off, day after day after day. Sidewalks are treacherous, still inches deep from the night before. Regular shoes are out of the question; boots are the order of the day. The wind keeps us hurrying from building to building.
By February, the gray sky seems leaden. Weary of wind and cold and always more snow, and we are quieter, more serious, following our daily routines with plodding concentration. Winter is layered; there is snow beneath the ice beneath the snow. The occasional thaw day is full of rain and dripping as everything melts, then freezes over again by the next morning.
We are now only tolerating winter. Our starry-eyed Christmas welcomes are long gone. We try not to say too much, try not to complain, or to hope too often for a snow day. We huddle indoors. Everything seems to have taken on a sort of dullness, and even though we are trying not to anticipate spring too strongly, we know it will come eventually, and we cannot help longing for that day.
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Inside the library, I sit with my chin on my hand, gazing at the wintry tundra outside, and imagining the freedom of spring, like unlocking a prison door. Images float through my mind. A wide expanse of green field, dotted with weeds and wildflowers. Wearing a skirt on a sunny morning. Driving with the windows down. Lying on a blanket outside. Taking a shortcut through the grass. Watching the daffodils bloom. Opening the window in our living room. Wearing short sleeves and flip-flops. Swinging at the park. Sitting outside at a coffee shop. Smiling at everyone as I pass them on campus, feeling the season’s contagious energy. Dodging Frisbees on my way to class. Seeing the first firefly. Going on walks late at night in the warm stillness under a big black star-spangled sky.
The Cross
“For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” (1 Corinthians 1:18)
“But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” (Galatians 6:14)
“For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ.” (Philippians 3:18)
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Ye who think of sin but lightly
Nor suppose the evil great
Here may view its nature rightly
Here its guilt may estimate
Mark the sacrifice appointed
See who bears the awful load
‘Tis the Word, the Lord’s Anointed
Son of Man and Son of God
Here we have a firm foundation
Here the refuge of the lost
Christ the hope of our salvation
His the name of which we boast
Lamb of God, for sinners wounded
Sacrifice to cancel guilt
None shall ever be confounded
Who on Him their hope have built
[traditional hymn, "Stricken Smitten and Afflicted"]
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I used to think the truth of the cross and the gospel was sort of an elementary truth of Christianity – meaning that it was something to be learned and understood at the beginning of the Christian walk, and then we could move on to other matters.
Little did I realize the powerful relevance the cross would have for me each and every day, for the rest of my life.
- The cross is what casts a shadow over me when I wake up in the morning – the shadow of forgiveness, and the shadow of responsibility.
- The cross is what gives me my reason for continuing to hope, even though the more I grow in godliness the more I am convinced of my own depravity.
- The cross is my only way to be forgiven. Without it, I would never be able to make penance for my sins. I would never be able to cry enough, or feel remorseful enough, or do enough “good” things, to atone for all the wrong that has characterized my life.
- The cross is how I enjoy the daily blessings of a life with God. No one who has not experienced this can quite know what it is like, though they can experience the emptiness without it.
- The cross provides the context for my interaction with others. In view of my Savior’s blood and anguish and great love for me, how can I hold others to account for the wrong they’ve done me? How could it even compare?
- The cross gives me hope for the future. No more atonement for my sins is needed. I am complete, whole, forgiven, and cleansed. At the foot of the cross, I have found true life.
