Marriage as a Sanctifier
I have written quite a bit about the blessings of singleness, the opportunities to be had as a single, what singleness can/should look like, etc. I focus on this issue because I am single myself, and I know that contentment in singleness can be a huge struggle. But I never want to emphasize singleness so much that I am not emphasizing marriage enough. The other day, I was thinking about my post Notice the Single Moments, and the temptation singleness can bring by causing one to be self-focused and too single-minded. So on the flip side, I began to think about the great benefits marriage can have in sanctifying those who are married.
A successful marriage demands unselfishness. It can and should cause changes in every area of life - what you do when you get up in the morning, what you have for dinner, how you spend your recreational time, what church you attend, where you spend Christmas, how much time you are able to give to your job, and let’s not forget having children and the monumental changes that brings. Life with a built-in best friend and roommate can sometimes crowd your space and cramp your style.
I think people who are single for at least a few years after high school may find the changes marriage brings to be more difficult, because we may become so wrapped up in our convenient solo lifestyles that the partnership inherent in marriage can be very challenging. But that is the beauty of marriage. If we allow His work, God can use the joining of two lives to make each spouse less selfish, less individualistic, and less focused on their own agenda. Singleness can also be a sanctifier, but only marriage has this unique built-in tendency to counteract selfishness.
So my challenge to us is not to see the joys and burdens of marriage narrow-mindedly. The joys are many, but they are not without pain. And the burdens are there, too, but they are not without blessings and benefits. Sinners who are committed to the Lord and to each other will find that God uses marriage to make us more like Him.
Filed under: Marriage/Family on January 8th, 2008
Good insights. When I meet with a couple in their 30s planning to be married, they often think they are mature enough, that they know all they need to know for a successful marriage. I have found, as you point out, that marrying later in life (while it has its advantages), can also be a great challenge.
This is so true! Very quickly in our marriage I discovered that God uses Steve as a mirror to show me the ugliness of my heart. I don’t like to see it, but I’m thankful He reveals it so it can be dealt with! I blogged about it once–if you’re interested, here’s the link:
http://schmamy.blogspot.com/2005/08/mirror-of-marriage.html
blessings to you, Anna!
I really appreciate hearing from married people on this, so thanks so much, pistolpete and Amy. I looked at your post, Amy, and really appreciated that as well. Thanks for your wise insights.
You write like someone who has been married for years! In my marriage, I have seen things (both good and bad) in me that I would have never seen as a single person. Amy is right, marriage is a mirror that God uses to help us see truths about us. I got married at 27 which may be considered later in life, and it is important to keep an open mind about your spouse. Too many marriages have been sacrificed on the altar of “that’s my routine”.
Anna,
glad you enjoyed the blog about route 31. i laughed out loud as i was writing it…
i immediately went to your site to read your latest entry and i have to admit it struck close to home. my boyfriend of 17 months proposed over New Year’s. we’re very excited about being together, but i have to admit i’m nervous about learning to live with an eternal roommate.
he’s the only boyfriend i’ve ever had. while it was really painful to be alone sometimes through college and grad school, i wouldn’t change anything. of course, the flip side is i spent so long justifying my bachelorette days i began to take pride in them. and the minute i thought myself better than all those people getting married young i met the boy! ironic, that the moment i realized i was totally content to be single another decade, God sent me a man to marry. but your blog reminds me that the power of marriage will equal the power of singlehood–that the Spirit can use both.
We often encounter that age-old problem of getting out of the ditch on the left side of the road only fall into the trench on the right side on the Boundless blog, don’t we? You are right: we consistently glorify one blessing or another without realizing their coequal status as gifts, and, more importantly, failing to glorify God insodoing. You alluded to it: maybe I am, half the time - the other half of my time being spent in the equally fruitless deification of marriage - SINGLE-minded, not singleminded as James commands; that is, wholly focused on Jesus.
I just discovered your blog today; you have a winsome and fluid writing style, and I like, so far as I have read, what you have to say.
Anjuan - Very good point!
Bethany - Congratulations!!!
Aaron - You’re so right… welcome!
(Enough exclamation points?)
Anna, great post! It’s funny because I knew all of those things before I got married. After we married and those things became reality… the truth we “know” becomes something we don’t really “feel.”
Facing struggles and hardships where I needed to be selfless proved one thing: although I know the truths, living them and feeling them is a lot more difficult.
It’s great that you know this ahead of time, and hopefully that truth will carry you through the times when you don’t always “feel” it. Emotions can be pretty weighty. Pushing and pulling us in every direction when truth sits on our feet and keeps us grounded.
My emotions have taken me through storms, battles against my own pride, and yet somehow I always come out on the other side… realizing the truth I felt so strongly before marriage. :o) I try to hold on to that in the tough times. The passion I had for marriage before it began.
I can’t wait to see love walk into your life.
Wow, Ashley… that is sooo true. You should write a blog entry on the dichotomy between truth and feeling or action. I mean, I could write blog entries on this stuff all day, but living it out is what’s both hard and important. I hope the truth sinks deeply into our hearts so that action will spring forth.
Anna! :o) Okay, this has absolutely nada to do w/the entry, but did you get my emails that I sent in response to yours ? They’re from my Gmail acct… let me know, sis!
Grace and Peace,
Jenn :o)
Amen, marriage is certainly a sanctifier. This is a brilliant quote: “The joys are many, but they are not without pain. And the burdens are there, too, but they are not without blessings and benefits.” Anna, you have such great wisdom!
Slightly off topic, I read a great quote from Elizabeth Elliot in ‘Let Me Be A Woman’ which said something like “God has appointed each season in our life - be it singleness, marriage, widowhood - to be the place where we receive Him most. His gift to us is Himself.” Just goes to show that whatever marital situation we find ourselves in, it has been ordained by God because in that season is where we most receive Him :).
Thanks for “balancing” out your thoughts on singleness. I see a need for it (the balancing), even though sometimes its harder to focus on the good in something we don’t have, but want. I enjoy and learn from reading about both. Blessings!