Confession #102

I have been so unproductive this week.

Monday was a bad day. I had a meeting for my speech (which is this coming Monday) in the evening, and I had my big teaching presentation the next morning (Tuesday). I was so anxious and on edge all day, even though I tried not to be. And I was pretty productive, too, by necessity.

After I finished my presentation, I didn’t have anything big due for the rest of the week, just some small things and a huge amount of finish-up work to do for the upcoming end of the semester (12 days and counting!), including writing my speech that I’m giving Monday and which is worth 40% of my grade.

Yet in spite of all this looming pressure, I have been so lazy ever since I finished my presentation! All I’ve been doing is the bare minimum. I’ve been tired after babysitting Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, so I have just been chilling out in the evenings, which is not good at all. And then this afternoon was my first free afternoon this week, and I haven’t done anything academically productive! Argh… I am so over that spurt of momentum and motivation that spurred me on before Thanksgiving break.

Well, there you go – a glimpse into my very imperfect life. Now I need to go WORK. (One reason I am so unmotivated is because I don’t want to write this speech because it means thinking about giving the speech, which I’m very intimidated and scared about. You can pray for me if you think of it; I’d really appreciate that.)

Now, to turn the tables a little… if you’d like, share a confession/prayer request of your own, and if it’s a prayer request, I promise to pray for you. (I’m taking a leaf from Anne.)

On Loneliness

I read this poem by Daniel Ladinsky on Boundless awhile ago, and it has been saved in a draft since then. Even though I’m not particularly lonely right now, I really appreciate these thoughts and the way they are expressed. It is not written from a Christian perspective, but I think it contains a poignant truth nevertheless.

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Don’t surrender your loneliness
So Quickly.
Let it cut more deep.

Let it ferment and season you
As few human
Or divine ingredients can.

Something missing in my heart tonight,
Has made my eyes so soft,
My voice
So tender,

My need of God
Absolutely clear.

Confession #78

When it comes to books, my eyes are bigger than my brain… or my time.

Thanksgiving Break = Four Days of Denial

Yes… I admit it… for the past four days I have lived in a blissful state where there is no homework or studying or finals or presentations or speeches or projects or classes. Part of it was reality, and part of it was wishful thinking, because I really should have been working on some of my projects (although I did finish reading Middlemarch… quite a tome).

However, that is all over. It is Sunday morning. We are about to leave for church. After church, I have to pack and do homework and drive four hours and greet my roommates and talk to them and unpack and do more homework and go to bed and get up and I seriously could continue on like this in order to describe the next two and a half weeks which will be completely full of everything possible but I won’t because you don’t need to hear it and this sentence is long enough already. Suffice it to say that I am quite overwhelmed and wishing that I had been a little more productive over the past four days; and yet I really did need the break.

Sigh. I just wish I didn’t have a huge presentation on Tuesday and then a huge final speech next Monday. If it weren’t for those two things, I would be looking forward to these last two and a half weeks of the semester. I just want to get those over with.

Well, it’s time to go to church. Signing off for now…

Wordpress Props

Wordpress is in my opinion the best free blogging service there is. Its spam blocking is amazing. It almost never fails to catch the spam comments I get – it’s caught 390 comments in the 6 months I’ve been using it. The stats are great – detailed without being completely exhaustive. And it has a third option between moderated and unmoderated comments – you can moderate the first comment from a specific person, and the rest of their comments come up automatically after that. It’s great. Plus, any changes you make come up immediately without your having to republish the whole site (something you’ll understand if you use Blogger).

I think I would like to switch to Typepad someday if my blog starts getting a bigger audience, but for now, I’m really happy with this free service. I would also like the ability to customize the theme more without having to purchase upgrades or my own domain (which I’ve tried before), but I’m willing to sacrifice that for the rest of the features! I know, this post is like a commercial, but you should really consider switching if you’re using another free service.

My Most Controversial Book Review

I post my book reviews on the individual product pages on Amazon. The review that has gotten by far the most attention has been my review of Bono’s printed speech at the National Prayer Breakfast, in book form entitled On the Move. I’ve gotten three responses to my opinion, which in a nutshell, is that Bono has a rich social message but a very poor gospel. He speaks from a religious position and says that “God in the slums” is the most important spiritual message there is. I disagree – “Jesus Christ came into this world to save sinners, of whom I am the very worst” is the most explosive message of all. In spite of the fact that I love what Bono is doing with the poor, I disagree with his shallow gospel.

As you can imagine, this perspective is highly unpopular. I wasn’t expecting the responses I got, though. One said, “You are a total moron if you missed the point of Bono’s speech. You’re getting hung up on the ‘pluralistic Gods of this age?’ Let me tell you, Jesus himself would convert to Buddhism or Islam if he thought it would save children from poverty and disease. Burn your bible, because I don’t think you understand what God is saying. Preaching ‘God in the slums’ is EXACTLY what Jesus would want (and did). That is the way sinners are saved.”

Another: “You are missing who Bono is and is not. He is not preaching Christ crucified, because he is not a preacher. Go to church to hear preaching. But I do think Bono is doing a pretty good job being a living scripture among the most influential people in the world. They will know we are Christians by our love, and Bono’s love and passion is a hallmark.”

My purpose in posting these responses is not to get some sort of reaction to the way the comments were expressed. I think the content is enlightening in getting a little more of an understanding of how our culture in general views Jesus. He is a symbol of good, and whatever is the cause that to us as humans seems the best, He would definitely be devoted to it – right? And Jesus dying on the cross is something that needs to be left in the church… Bono can express whatever religious opinions he wants, but they are not preaching because he is not in a church. These ideas involve intricate preconceptions, and I haven’t really sorted through my thoughts on all of this.

One of my biggest fears is being a Pharisee. They had their specific conceptions of religion and what the Messiah would look like and how they as spiritual people should live… and then Jesus came and messed them all up, all their neat little ideas and formulas and rule books. They were so wrong. I don’t want to be that person; I don’t want to have that heart. I want to know Jesus as He really is. I don’t want to be so bent on dogma that I don’t recognize the value of what someone like Bono is doing.

But I also don’t want to sacrifice truth at the altar of tolerance. Should I ignore Bono’s pluralistic gospel? Should I dismiss the fact that he tries to fit the Jesus way in neatly along with the panorama of other religions? When I look at the New Testament and the way the disciples and the early church were so passionate for truth, and willing to die for it, I can’t think that that is the right answer either.

I’m not going to wrap up my thoughts on this is a neat little summary. They’re are a little too open-ended for me to be able to coalesce everything I’m thinking like that. I’d like to hear what you think, though.

Young Women to Watch: Christa Taylor

Imagine my delight a few months ago when I stumbled across the modest, trendy stylings of a brand-new clothing company, Christa Taylor. Their purpose is to promote “empowered traditionalism.” I have really enjoyed reading the site’s blog, too, written by Christa herself. It wasn’t until recently, when I joined the Facebook group and added Christa as a friend (per her request of her blog readers), that I realized how young she is – 20, almost a year younger than I am! And she is already the founder and owner of her own revolutionary company.

It was Christa who inspired me to begin this category on “Young Women to Watch.” Not only is she trying to set a new standard and provide new choices in fashion, but she is focused on more than clothing and outward beauty – at least 30% of all her company’s profits go to poverty and social justice causes; right now, focused on a specific orphanage in Cambodia.

To help you get to know her a little better, I asked Christa if she would be willing to answer a couple of questions for me, and she was kind enough to do so. Here are her answers:

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How does your faith in Christ influence your purpose and goals with Christa Taylor fashion?

I’m a Christian, who just happens to be a fashion designer. Hence, my desire to serve and honor Christ influences my vision for the company and the clothes. It’s an inseparable part of me, the way I think, the way I dream.

How have you been able to accomplish starting your own very unique fashion company at such a young age?

My parents are amazing, they have instilled within their children a drive to “change the world.” I come from a long line of entrepreneurs, so it was fairly natural to want to use business and fashion to accomplish that goal. There is a lot of responsibility, and pressure, at times, but I have many wise counselers and encouragers. It has been through their assistance that I have come thus far.

It’s all about harnessing the energy and drive of the young, with the wisdom and experience of the old.

What advice would you give to other young women regarding pursuing their dreams and passions?

I would give an encouragement and a caution. The Lord never gives us conflicting obligations. Meaning, He won’t ask us to do things that conflict with one another. If you have a passion for a certain project or mission, by all means – pursue that; write that book, start that home business, be the change. But remember, as women, our greatest call is to be a helper, we are most fulfilled there. If there comes a time when you have to change your mission to that of your husband’s, be prepared to let go.

YES, dream – YES take the baby steps necessary to climb the mountain, but in all your dreaming and the projects that come out of it – don’t forget your greatest mission possible.

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Wow! Thanks so much for sharing these answers, Christa. I hope that you, my readers, glean some insight from her words, and most of all from her devotion to Christ, as I have. And be sure to check out her site. Another “Young Woman to Watch” is coming, hopefully in the near future!

Notice the Single Moments

Sometimes I think the only thing making me resent my singleness is the urgent, nagging fear that I should be worrying about it. I am 21 – I should not be alone. Time is ticking away. If I do not pay attention, the years will pass unnoticed and I will be the still-unmarried 65-year-old with white hair and cats and knitting and neighborhood children as substitute grandkids. (Not that that would be the worst fate in the world.) And the world tells me that romance is best, that togetherness is happiness. And the church tells me that marriage is good, that family is penultimate.

They’re not necessarily wrong. But I think back to a few short years ago, when I was a child and enjoyed my simple home life. I ate lunch with a book in hand and kept track of the dozens I devoured month by month. I put a coat on my doll and strapped her in the seatbelt beside me when my family went to town to do errands. I reveled in the family traditions of Christmas and the Fourth of July and summer vacation and Sunday church-going. And that was enough.

Yes, time has passed, and I want to be married, and it’s a natural and wholesome desire. And romance is sweet and marriage is wonderful and family is a precious gift. But you know, I am nothing more than a child in my Father’s eyes still. And I think it delights Him when I find peaceful contentment in the little things He has surrounded me with now. I do not need to seek this nagging worry. I do not need to fear that the years will pass unnoticed if I do not give constant attention to my desire for marriage. I can guiltlessly enjoy my singleness and the freedom it brings. I can invest myself in ministry and the lives of others without worrying so much about balance. I can contentedly read my piles of books, and stay out as long as I please, and answer my phone when it’s convenient, and revel in the solitude when it regularly greets me.

It is a season, and while it is not without its loneliness and temptation to anxiety and despair, it has its share of joys and pleasure, too. I don’t want to forget, and pass it by unnoticed, because I am so ready for the next season to come.

The Power of Laughter!

After hanging out with friends tonight and enjoying hilarious moments with them, I am thinking about the power of laughter. It is

• vibrant – full of life and energy and warmth
• communal – expressive of shared enjoyment
• cross-cultural – it can happen with anyone, anywhere
• joyful
• honest – there isn’t much room for duplicity or selfish motives
• appreciative – if it is laughing with someone, then it is affirming their sense of humor or storytelling or something else that made you laugh, and
• healing – “a cheerful heart brings life to the bones,” and there is no better prescription for cheerfulness than laughter.

I love it when you laugh so hard that your abs hurt and your eyes tear up and your face turns red and you’ve almost forgotten what was so funny, but everyone around you keeps laughing and then you laugh at each other and then you start to think you’re all crazy…

It’s something that has to occur with people. There’s no substitute for it. And I love it.

Artistic Renderings

You’ll notice a few updates around the site tonight. There’s a new header (a nice autumnal one, just in time for the snow. very timely of me ) and a few sidebar changes and page tweaks. Let me know what you think!

I left that old header up for so long! Like, at least a month, maybe two! You should all be proud of me. I have a difficult time not changing my layout constantly. But I’ve been putting more effort into content lately, which is a good thing.

I just found out today that my school newspaper accepts submissions for articles or book reviews from anyone, and if they publish you, you get $10, which is definitely a plus. I just sent in my review for My Hands Came Away Red. I hope they like it. A little publicity would be nice. If that doesn’t quite fit the bill, I might try my hand at an article, or maybe another book review.

Tomorrow is my third-to-last presentation of the semester. It’s supposed to be at least 30 minutes long, and it’s on the pre-existence of Christ. I really dislike presenting, but I’m not even nervous, which is the grace of God! It’s more of a low-key thing, with the focus being on the content more than the presentation style.

I just can’t wait for tomorrow at noon. The weekend will have officially arrived. Glorious day! I hope it’s a good one for you!