Hope Road

I’m Afraid to Tell the Truth

[reposted; see Monday's entry]

I’m afraid to tell the truth.

Not personal truth. For the most part, I know what I want to share, and I know what to be discreet about. I know which people are safe to share with, and which people I’m on less of a personal level with.

And I’m not afraid to tell the big truths, the dogmas, the unshakeables. Jesus died on the cross for my sins. God created the universe. Murder is wrong.

But I’m afraid to tell the little truths, the shadowy ones that disappear around a corner. Women should not be pastors. Living as a Christian and living as a homos*xual are mutually exclusive. Watching R-rated movies filled with gratuitous filth is wrong. In many or most cases, divorce is wrong. Abortion is killing, plain and simple, and it’s wrong no matter which way you twist it.

There are three big reasons why I’m afraid to tell the truth.

1. Even while typing that paragraph, I was struggling to word things in an inoffensive way. And a big reason I’m afraid to tell the truth is because I’m afraid to say that someone else is wrong. Saying that someone is wrong is one of the biggest offenses possible in today’s culture. You can have any opinion you want to, but don’t you dare say that your opinion can’t peacefully coexist with someone else’s - don’t you dare say that you’re right and they’re wrong. But if we believe in truth, and I think most of us do at some level, then some people are right, and others are wrong. There’s no way around it.
2. I’m also afraid to sound closed-minded. I pride myself (yes, it’s pride a lot of the time) on being somewhat intelligent and intellectual. I don’t want to call myself conservative or a Republican because I don’t want to be grouped with a bunch of flag-waving Southern Baptists. I don’t want to say I’m pro-life because then I might sound like a self-righteous, hate-mongering conservative who doesn’t care about women’s rights. I want to sound like I’ve thought about my attitudes and convictions instead of having them spoon-fed to me. And in my idealism, the easy way seems to be to adopt different beliefs than those of my surrounding Christian bubble, even when the Christian ideas are the truth.
3. I’m afraid of being legalistic. I have opinions about “Christian liberty” issues such as modesty and entertainment. And I want to share those opinions, which I believe are based on biblical principles. But I don’t want to lay those opinions down as laws. I don’t want to write out a Christian rulebook that we can all follow and feel better about ourselves, for that is exactly what the Pharisees did. And I live in holy fear of being a Pharisee, because the Pharisees’ religious background was a lot like mine.

I’m learning to live in the paradox of truth and fear. This is why I embrace the concept of humble orthodoxy - living in the truth faithfully and humbly, as broken people who may be wrong, but who have made the best, most prayerful effort possible to remain faithful to biblical truth, even when it’s hard.

1 Comment to I’m Afraid to Tell the Truth

courtney
April 25, 2008

Just read this… I’m scared too… but I’ve come to the conclusion that all we can offer to the world is our prayers and to be living examples of what we believe whether we shout it to the world or keep it between church members. Let others learn and follow from your example.

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