overwhelmed.

I feel like I’m reaching my limit.

I know that’s not true. People all over the world have to handle a lot more than this. I’m incredibly blessed in so many ways. There are trials that make everything I’ve faced in my life pale in comparison.

But in my finite mind, the way it feels is as though I’ve reached the max amount, as though I can’t do anymore. That elusive diploma, that faraway graduation day, seem impossibly out of reach.

I have spent the last week doing almost nothing but work and homework. This weekend has been a seemingly endless effort to prepare for the two tests and speech I have coming up tomorrow and Tuesday. I read 100 pages on Saturday morning, only to find out that I was reading the wrong thing. I had to start over.

Finally, my speech is starting to stick in my head. (I can’t use notes.) And most of my reading is done. But I haven’t studied for either of my tests yet, and I’m almost to the point where I don’t care anymore.

I’m so intimidated by the thought of public speaking. I still am. I can’t deny it. I get so nervous. I don’t want to be nervous. I want to enjoy it and be energized by it. But I feel constantly uneasy until the speech is over with. Yet there are still so many more ahead this semester.

Week five of the longest semester I’ve had so far is about to begin. I pray I can make it. I want to find solace. Between the crinkly pages of my Bible. In the tips of the leaves that are just turning russet. In friendship and laughter and safety and peace. And hope for the future.