Hope Road

Little Things

Tonight was a good night. For the first time in a few days, I didn’t feel sick. With my sister’s help, I finished unpacking. We watched The Cosby Show with my dad, and part of an old movie. I actually felt like eating again. Honey Bunches of Oats… mmm.

Here’s to two weeks left of summer. And reading good books (I’ve updated my book reviews and currently reading). And the simple pleasures that I can enjoy when I open my hands to receive them.

And oh, Peru has gotten under my skin. The children are always in my heart. I have to go back.

Innocence Lost

American children are losing their naivety about life at alarmingly earlier ages. People seem to forget that part of the definition of childhood is innocence. It makes me angry to hear about some of the things these kids are exposed to, things they casually discuss as if it’s no big deal. How I want to shield their eyes and ears from a world that has lost its sense of decorum and propriety. They have a right to being protected still from some of the ugliness of the world. They are among the most tragic casualties brought about by this cultural decline.

You Make Me Want to Be Brave

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself so far this year, it’s that I have a major anxiety problem. And right now it’s not so much the amount of fear that concerns me. I live every day life in a pretty normal way. But what concerns me is how many areas of my life I experience some level of anxiety in. (I wrote more about that awhile ago in “I’m Afraid of You.”)

I’m so excited that God has opened my eyes to this sin. Naming it and acknowledging it is a huge step forward for me. I’m excited about taking specific steps to be brave instead of cowardly. I’m excited about the things God has already been showing me about how He doesn’t want me to live in fear, about how my life is His, not mine, so I don’t need to try to control it. I’m excited about the freedom that’s found in trying new things instead of being too afraid.

But I know I have a long way to go. So I’m planning on the next stage of my Bible study being focused on the topic of fear and anxiety, and conversely, courage and trust. I’m not sure what exactly that will entail, but I just know that the topic in general is something to focus on. If any of you have any stories or thoughts to share, or suggestions to give about Bible study in relation to this topic, I’d love to hear them!

‘Cause it’s been fear that ties me down to everything
But it’s been love, Your love, that cuts the strings
(Nichole Nordeman, “Brave”)

Will I Forget You Now?

Poverty… is no cliche
when I walk its filthy, narrow streets
and look into its children’s eyes.

Statistics… are faces, not numbers
they are clinging hugs and questions
and unforgettable moments.

Orphans… are not a target group
when their love-hungry smiles light up the room
and they run their fingers through my hair.

But what was this all for? Philosophical observations from my ivory tower? Guilt-ridden ponderings on poverty and justice from my cozy American suburb? I think it makes a difference to not only be aware of the truth from a distance, but to see and smell and touch it up close. To be sick and weary. To be homesick. To be dirty. But still, what sort of difference will even experiential knowledge make?

What I yearn for is the most basic thing of all - that somehow, some way, those children in the eleven homes we visited in one short month’s time can understand that it was not just us reaching out to them. I want them to know that when we hugged them, Jesus was hugging them. When we gave them new shoes, Jesus knelt at their feet, tying them on. When we told them Bible stories, God was speaking to them.

In the end, just the knowledge doesn’t matter if I can’t go on and be Jesus to someone else. I want to remember my little Peruvian friends and how it felt to become empty and let Jesus’ love be poured through me.

Tags: Peru