Engagements Galore

Bethany Dillon and Shane Barnard are engaged! How sweet! I have to confess that I don’t listen to Shane and Shane very often, but Bethany Dillon is one of my favorite music artists. She’s an amazing writer, too. Read her journal on her site for some great reflections on Jesus and Scripture and life and everything in between.

But the real impetus behind this post is the fact that one of my dearest friends is engaged as well, as of Saturday, and I am quite a bit more excited about that. Yay! Congratulations!!!!

Confession #1

I’m subscribed to myself in my RSS reader.

I like to think it’s not just because I’m overwhelmingly self-absorbed. I like to reread my entries and see how they look in an RSS reader.

Does that make sense to anyone other than me?

How Now, Brown Cow?

I have no idea what this post is going to be about. Last night I decided to write an entry titled “How Now, Brown Cow.” Just because that phrase was stuck in my head and I wanted to work it into my life somehow, some way. And blogging seemed the most, logical? illogical? easy? extension of that.

Ahh, I know… what was your favorite Dr. Seuss book as a child?

Mine was Fox in Socks. Perfect for a word-lover like me.

“When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles
and the bottle’s on a poodle and the poodle’s eating noodles…
…they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle
bottle paddle battle.”

Various and Sundry (8/13)

It’s been quite some time since I’ve followed up on my original Various and Sundry post, but I’m finally getting around to posting another! Here are some more gems I’ve found around the Web recently:

Christianity: Nicole at Girl Talk has posted a reflection on John Piper’s thoughts about “coronary Christians” vs. “adrenal Christians.” Nicole relates this to motherhood, and I think it can relate to so many other aspects of the Christian life as well.

Image: A few months ago, Nichole Nordeman penned an excellent article for CCM (Contemporary Christian Music) Magazine entitled “Skin Deep,” in which she addresses the dichotomy between authenticity and image, particularly as it relates to Christian music artists. MySpace Music is still offering free access to the article online: click this link and log in with the username freeissue0704 and password name417. It’s on page 48 of the digital issue.

Clothes: Modest fashion guru Christa Taylor is offering $150 of free merchandise to a winner chosen at random. All you have to do is fill out your wish list at the website, which I think is fun to browse anyway, then post the link to your list as a comment. I’ve definitely already done it!

Celebrities: Also at the Christa Taylor blog is a great two-part series on how celebrity fashion, etiquette, and behavior have changed for the worse over the past fifty or sixty years: Part 1 and Part 2.

Music: If you’re a college student with a valid .edu e-mail address, you can get free, unlimited, completely legal music downloads at Ruckus. The music is protected, so you can only listen to it on your computer, but I’ve loved it! Over half of the music on my computer is from Ruckus now. (You do need a pretty fast connection to make it worth your while, though.)

Current events: In response to the bridge collapse that occured in Minneapolis two weeks ago, John Piper posted a beautiful article called “Putting My Daughter to Bed Two Hours After the Bridge Collapsed.” It’s the only true must-read on this list, I would say!

Say Goodbye

I miss the children I met in Peru so much. I’m realizing it more and more as the days go by. We visited nine homes in a month, spending as little as one afternoon at some of them, a week at the most at others.

Yet somehow, in such a short amount of time, I met hundreds of children, and they are never to be forgotten.

Something the organization I went with told us in the orientation before we left the States was, at each orphanage, to try to form a special connection with one child.

That helped me a lot. I didn’t limit myself to only one child, but I allowed myself to slow down and focus on those children who really wanted to meet me. This was especially easy when we were working with larger groups, since there were enough of us to give attention to a larger number of children. And either way, it helped me to really focus on building relationships as much as possible.

We worked at three teen girls’ homes, one girls’ orphanage, two boys’ orphanages, one community center, and two traditional-style orphanages. I wish I could communicate what it was like to walk through the door of the home and be enveloped by their love and excitement. “Senorita Anna!” I would see the kids I had specifically befriended and they would come around and cling to me. We did little VBS programs, but some of my favorite times were playing with them, talking to them, letting them play with my hair and asking them questions and answering their questions.

The worst was saying goodbye. Especially at the girls’ home where we spent a week in Cusco with a team from Texas. On Saturday, our last day there, we put on a huge carnival for the girls. We also brought in the boys from the home we’d visited the afternoon before. The afternoon was amazing. It was like a dreamland, like a departure from reality. The kids were carefree and excited; they were actually kids for a few hours. And then crashing down to the aftermath, of the goodbyes. We were all hugging, and crying, and exchanging e-mail addresses for so long. The team was crying, the girls were crying. Our bus pulled away when it was almost completely dark. The girls were waving, blowing kisses, wiping away their tears as we wiped away ours.

I’m back to my “normal” life now, but I can’t forget the children. I want to take care of them. It’s hard to think of them without getting teary eyed. I love them so much. I just want to love them like Jesus would. I know He loves them. And they brought me so much. They, who have nothing to give, in reality have so much to give.

Back to the Basics

Lately I’ve been feeling like a lot of things in my life are slowly slipping out of control. When I was in high school, and in my first two years of college, I was always pretty disciplined and on top of things. That’s not to say I’ve never struggled with laziness, but for the most part I have a Type A personality. Even if I wasn’t in a good routine with something, I at least had a plan for how to get back into one!

During my junior year of college, though, many of my good discipline habits began to deteriorate. As far as school went, I still got my good grades, but I relaxed more and was willing to spend more time with friends. On the negative side, though, I procrastinated a lot and didn’t always remain faithful in other areas of my life that in the past had been constant for me.

I think young people today are raised in a culture that has low expectations for them, including in areas of personal discipline. And to many people in our culture, my level of personal discipline would look pretty good. But that’s not what I’m aiming for. I know God has higher standards for me, and I haven’t been meeting them. This summer has been crazy with work and being sick three or four times and my usual insomnia and the long missions trip, and my slacking off in many areas has only gotten worse. I haven’t been faithful in my Bible reading and prayer. My sleeping schedule is crazy because if I’m not really consistent, insomnia pretty much takes over. My room and car aren’t in their usual clean and orderly state. I spend too much time on the computer. And there are a myriad of other little things slipping through the cracks.

Living in this state is depressing me, and it’s not good because I already have a tendency toward anxiety and depression, even when everything is going smoothly. Even though relaxation seems most rewarding in the moment, the end result is being tired and overwhelmed. I can feel the effects spiritually as well. I haven’t been as discerning in my media choices lately. I’ve been thinking a lot about my future without praying about it much.

One resource that has helped me in the past has been the Girl Talk blog. Last year, they ran a series called “7 Habits of the Highly Effective Woman,” which talks a lot about time management and practical steps to glorifying God by being disciplined. I’m hoping it will help me again now.

Toddler Talk

One of the funniest slash most annoying things about working with toddlers is their penchant for latching on to one phrase and repeating it twenty times, just in case by some chance I hadn’t understood what they said the first nineteen times. For example (events in this story do not necessarily correspond with reality word-for-word):

“My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut.”

I smile and nod. “Yes, sweetie, that’s your donut.”

“My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut.”

Feeling slightly desperate, I point to the donut and repeat, “Yes! That is your donut!” while smiling brightly with as much enthusiasm as I can muster while trying to keep track of eight other rambunctious two-year-olds.

Still the little voice continues, eyes alternating between me and the donut, tone growing in urgency and insistency, finger tapping my shoulder.

“My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut. My donut.”

 At this point, I am tempted to grab the donut, pop it in my mouth, and declare triumphantly, “My donut.”

But finally, he’s distracted! With one last sigh of contentment and “My donut,” he heads off to another activity.

Whew.

When I Grow Up

More than almost anything else, change and transition have defined the last three years of my life. It comes with the territory of being a college student, I guess. It doesn’t help that I transferred schools after my freshman year, either. And I like it, usually. I tend to feel trapped if my daily routine is monotonous and unchanging. But it’s a strange dichotomy, because that kind of routine is also my safety net, my comfort zone – something I often don’t appreciate until it changes again.

Yet overall I like all the changes that have taken place in my life over the past three years, even though I’ve said what feels like thousands of goodbyes, more than in my entire previous life put together!

I just got back from my first trip to a foreign country ever, where I spent a month of the summer, and in two weeks I’ll be heading back to college again. I must admit that I hate packing and moving, and I’m not looking forward to getting all my possessions sorted through and ready for another trip back to school. But I am so excited to see all of my friends again, to set up the apartment, and to get back into classes (which include way too many public speaking assignments this semester, but that’s another story).

But the biggest change of all is looming ahead, ominous and beckoning at the same time – graduation. It’s less than nine months away! Right now, that’s just far enough away for me to be excited, but not nervous. And for the next two weeks or so, while I’m working full-time at the daycare and enjoying the last snippets of summer, I’m not really doing anything to prepare for it. Once I get back to school, I need to start seriously researching grad schools and post-college job options. I don’t want to be hitting April of the spring semester and wondering what on earth I’m going to do two months from then. And I don’t want to simply move back home and work in the daycare for another summer, that’s for sure.

I’m so excited about all of the opportunities I have. My only worry right now is that I’m not even aware of all the possibilities that are open to me. I’m thinking about grad school, like I wrote, and there are other considerations that narrow my choices to some extent, but there are still so many things I could do. I don’t know how I’m going to choose among them!

This is a weird place for me to be in. Before college, I pretty much knew where I wanted to go to college and what I wanted to study. Even my decision to transfer was a pretty quick process. I’m used to making snap decisions about all of these things. But that’s no longer possible, and I don’t even have a very good idea of what I want to do yet. It’s just strange. But it’s good. I’m enjoying it, which surprises me.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Little Things

Tonight was a good night. For the first time in a few days, I didn’t feel sick. With my sister’s help, I finished unpacking. We watched The Cosby Show with my dad, and part of an old movie. I actually felt like eating again. Honey Bunches of Oats… mmm.

Here’s to two weeks left of summer. And reading good books (I’ve updated my book reviews and currently reading). And the simple pleasures that I can enjoy when I open my hands to receive them.

And oh, Peru has gotten under my skin. The children are always in my heart. I have to go back.

Innocence Lost

American children are losing their naivety about life at alarmingly earlier ages. People seem to forget that part of the definition of childhood is innocence. It makes me angry to hear about some of the things these kids are exposed to, things they casually discuss as if it’s no big deal. How I want to shield their eyes and ears from a world that has lost its sense of decorum and propriety. They have a right to being protected still from some of the ugliness of the world. They are among the most tragic casualties brought about by this cultural decline.