Hope Road

I am a daughter in that stage of life too. I think I agree with you. I still live at home and plan to until marraige but thats not to say that I don’t do things outside my home. I do try to take advantage of this time of singleness to do things that I might not have time for later. A good bit of my time is spent in doing things that develop skills that I will use as a stay-at-home mom, but not all.
I certainly agree that not all women have the same calling. (Though I do think that there are many women that work outside the home because its the social norm but really should be at home because their families need them.) I don’t think I’m called to stay single, but there are those who are. Personally I’m glad I don’t seem to have that calling, I want to be married and take care of a family!

What if this girl never marries? Is she gonna live at home her whole life? What right do we have to assume that we are gonna become a stay at home mom in the future? Sorry, that might be a little out of line and I know people have different circumstances, but even if we may not seem to have a certain calling, God surprises us sometimes, I think.
Sorry, I didn’t have a stay-at-home mom and I wasn’t home schooled, so I guess I don’t really understand.

Not to get too dry here, but we know politically that isolationism is a bad, bad idea…The isolated nation can’t support itself without the help of other nations, and is a burden on the collective worldly community. So, if this is true for an entire country, why not a single woman? In today’s society, we cannot close ourselves off from others–it’s almost impossible. (Even the hermit on the deserted island needs to see a doctor on occasion.)So staying at home and learning the art of running a home and caring for a family is wonderful–as long as you don’t become the “isolated nation”, a societal burden unable to contribute to the greater good…

Great topic…hm… food for thought!

Great responses, friends!
Rachel, I agree with you. I think you have the right mentality about being a stay-at-home daughter… taking advantage of your singleness while at the same time purposefully preparing for your future.
Bethany, I understand where you’re coming from. But I guess I don’t see anything wrong with including preparation for homemaking if that’s what you want to do - that’s no different than going to college for an academic degree. None of us know for sure what our future circumstances will be. I just think it’s important not to make one path the prescription for everyone, so I definitely agree with you there!
Steph, I totally agree with you too! That’s the whole problem I see with this extreme form of stay-at-home mentality… the isolationism and extreme family focus, to the point of neglecting the church and community.
Thanks for the discussion; keep it coming!

Hear Hear!

Who said staying at home is the best way to ‘prepare’ anyway?

My (now) fiance and I decided that it was a very, very good thing and something that ‘had’ to happen before getting engaged, was for me to have that experience of living out of home - the nice thing was that it lined up with something that I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve loved these past months of being in my ‘own’ little house with my housemate - someone who’s relationship (in being house-mates together) has deepened (I didn’t know her well at all beforehand) and I am convinced has grown me spiritually… as well as inspiring me a little somewhat more in the whole “kitchen thing” (homemaking)through her and through the necessity of - eating.

Saying that, it has also drawn out in me some of that independence that did already exist under my parent’s roof and has allowed it to um, flourish in a much more positive and genuine way. They are still Dad and still Mum in that they are the port of call if need be and however the Biblical ‘argument’ often flows.

I’m very much looking forward to being married but I am also quite enjoying this time.

I don’t want to ever only be a mum/housewife. That’ll be a role that I really hope happens at some stage but I am sincerely praying that I’ll never close my eyes to the other opportunities around me for the sake of finding familiarity and security in what I may have a decent amount of control over. I live in a world, not under one roof.

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Thanks for the pingback, Bec! And the thoughts. About being a stay-at-home mom… I definitely want to be a stay-at-home mom someday, homeschooling my kids at least through elementary school too. I’m looking forward to that so much, and I want that to be my career for awhile! During that time my focus will be almost completely there. But after a time, when the kids aren’t preschoolers and are involved with their own activities, I know I’m going to want to take advantage of my opportunities to minister to those around me at church, in my neighborhood and town… maybe do freelance writing… who knows! I agree that the mentality of being a stay-at-home daughter who only prepares for wifehood/motherhood can narrow your view once you’re a stay-at-home mom, too.

When living in Ukraine, I came to appreciate to a much greater degree than ever before how the single women on our church-planting team were able to minister in ways in which I could not, with the responsibilities of a husband and children. I know the Lord used me in Ukraine–I am not discounting that. Yet, I saw just how valuable single women are to the church and play such an important role in the Body of Christ.

A number of these comments cause me great concern in the assumptions made about “stay-at-home daughters.”

We have a young woman in our church who is a “stay-at-home daughter”. She does spend a good deal of her time practicing home-building skills that will be useful for providing for quality family life should she get married (or even if she doesn’t).

She also…. helps staff the church nursery, serves at a local homeless mission, provides tutoring for at-risk children, offers child care to low-income families, volunteers at a therapeutic horse farm for children and adults with special needs….. (need I go on?)

As you say, not everyone is called to be a “stay-at-home-daughter” but God bless those who are and who are carrying out their calling for the glory of Christ and the service of God’s people.

I agree. That is why in my entry, I made a point to only address those who believe being a stay-at-home daughter is the only right choice. I think the girl you mentioned is a model of how you can remain at home after high school and still make a contribution to the Kingdom - perhaps even more than otherwise.

Good afternoon Anna,

Just wanted to ring in with this thought on being a SAHD.

I suppose that on one extreme, one could be so locked into being a SAHD that they miss out on both spiritual and secular opportunities. The flip-side is that by not being a SAHD,one could perhaps miss out on a spiritual calling or on attaining those “housewifery” skills you mentioned.

I tend to carry a black and white type of attitude, however I’m slowly learning to understand and appreciate the importance of having a balance in life. The balance being Holy Spirit guided.

So for what it’s worth; I just wanted to add (hopefully constructively) to the pot, the thought to add a pinch of balance to the stew.

Grace and peace be with you.

Thanks for your input, Christopher. I agree that balance is needed. I have obviously chosen the option of going to college instead of staying at home, and I personally feel that I would have missed out on a lot of opportunities if I had simply remained at home.

To add to the general discussion, college is only in session 6 months out of the calendar year, so altogether, I’ve still been home for about half the year on break for the past 4 years. Now that I am graduating I am preparing to get a job and move away, but I still may end up living at home for a year or two if things fall through.

So like you said, it’s not necessarily black-and-white either way.

Anna, I just wanted to add to this that not all parents have the option financially for their girls to stay home and pursue whatever they want to whatever extent that they want. Nor do I think that all families have perfect situations or 8 other siblings to help out with, know what I mean? So, in the case that there’s no extra siblings in the mix, what’s the point of staying home? And helping your father? Excuse me, but don’t you think that’s what the wife, not the daughter, signed up for?
Not condemning anyone, just sharing my personal opinion and choice. To each his/her own!

Great point, Catalina. I love that this discussion has picked back up! Again, as I stated in my post, my purpose is not attack those who have made the choice to stay at home, but to say that neither choice is all-inclusive. You’re right that not everyone has the perfect situation, and putting that stay-at-home expectation on every young woman would be harmful. I think sometimes we Christians who come from good situations forget that there are many others in our shoes who do not have the perfect home background. Thanks for your insight!

Hello, Anna!

There didn’t seem to be a “stay at home” daughter’s input, so I thought I’d give my two cents.

I’m eighteen, I graduated high school last year, and I’ve committed to stay home with my family until marriage. This has been a unique and beautiful time of growth for me, and I wouldn’t trade it for any college experience or any other ministry opportunity on earth.

My parents have been the most important mentors in my life, helping me through those gray areas, discipling me like no one else on earth could because they know me and care for me better than anyone else. I am grateful for the daily opportunity to learn and grow under their guidance.

I am the manager of my daddy’s online store, as well as his research assistant, and I enjoy writing in my spare time (which I, surprisingly, have very little of these days I don’t have eight siblings (LOL), just three, two of which are under four. I was homeschooled for the most part, and plan to homeschool my own children someday (Lord willing).

I believe that a woman’s highest calling is that of a wife and mother. Some women, of course, are called to a life of singleness (my favorite historical figure -Corrie Ten Boom -certainly was), but even she was used of God in the sphere where He deemed fit to place her.

I believe, biblically, a woman’s primary sphere of influence should be the home. I know “them’s fighting words” in our culture today, but biblically, that’s how I see it. And I don’t think a home-maker is any less important in the vast scheme of things than any other woman (not that I think you’re saying that at all).

Anyway, at the risk of writing a novel, I just wanted to give you my take. I’m enjoying the dialogue here.

A wonderful documentary on this subject has been made by Elizabeth Botkin and Anna Sofia Botkin, two sisters and stay-at-home daughters. All of the girls featured in their documentary are stay-at-home daughters and none of them stay at home knitting all day. They are active members in their communities, and they serve their father in his household with a truly inspiring conviction.

The Botkin sisters have also written a book entitled So Much More, which I’m currently working through. It inspires a strong father-daughter relationship and a return to the family that is solely God-driven. It’s Biblically based, and, again, very inspiring.

I encourage you to find both of these and watch/read them with an open mind, and you’ll see what being a stay-at-home daughter is really all about.