Hope Road

Well said. Good follow up.

Good points. I agree with all that you’ve said. You are totally right when you say that Jesus can mend broken hearts. He can, and He does. Still, there is good and there is best. Saving yourself for your husband/wife and not entering a romantic relationship with the opposite s*x until you’re ready to commit to marriage is, I believe, God’s best for us. Healing a broken heart and using it for His purpose is still very, very good, but it does come with baggage. Once your heart is broken, it will have scars. These scars and images and memories will stay with you the rest of your life. That’s not to say every dating relationship that fails will end in a broken heart. If they must end, they ought to end with grace and respect, and the friendship out to continue, not be totally broken and turned hostile. Too many Christians have forgotten this.

To love is a wonderful thing. It’s how God reached us and how we reach others for Him. Love is powerful, but who says we have to be in a relationship in order for love to reach it’s fullest potential? Loving doesn’t have to result in hurt, and we don’t have to be in a guy/girl relationship to experience and exhibit love. Just cause I’ve never dated doesn’t mean I don’t know what love is all about and haven’t experienced it.

Great points and reasoning. More people need to hear this. =D

~Grace

Hi, Anna,

I have an answer for you on the bridesmaid dress question. One of my pastors got back with me and I also had an opportunity to visit with his wife about this exact topic. I think their answer was what I was thinking,too. Can you email me? Thanks!

Kim from lifesong

“Saving yourself for your husband/wife and not entering a romantic relationship with the opposite s*x until you’re ready to commit to marriage is, I believe, God’s best for us.”

What exactly do you mean by “saving yourself”? If you mean s*xually, I couldn’t agree more, but that doesn’t seem to be what you are talking about. If you start dating someone, it will become a “romantic relationship” does that mean you must marry that person? Of course not. As Anna has suggest in this post, you have to be smart about things of course, but to have a relationship completely devoid of romance just because you may not marry that person doesn’t make sense. Until you start to grow together emotionally and romantically you will not know if you can marry that person. And you had better believe that I will want to know if I am emotionally and romantically compatible with someone I am in a relationship with before I commit to anything remotely close to marriage.

I agree with the fact that God can heal a heart that has been given to too many people, but I also believe (and I think that you mean this) that as much as is possible I want to not need healing. God doesn’t want us to make mistakes and think is fine cause He’ll take care of it.
BTW in answer to the person who asked how I could not have a crush: I realize that’s not something that you can necessarily control. I was raised in the same enviroment as my sisters and they had crushes. I guess I’m just unusual. I have seen guys that I respect and wondered if one of them is my future husband. But not really anything I’ll call a crush.

oops I didn’t make it clear. when I said “God doesn’t want us to make mistakes and think is fine cause He’ll take care of it.” I meant that we shouldn’t just assume on God’s grace and healing, and keep on getting hurt, if we can avoid it.

We may be getting too quantitative here. Using terms like “too many relationships” or giving away “too much” of your heart to others is a dangerous route to take. When we start counting our past romantic relationships to determine how we measure up, we tend to compare ourselves to others, and not to Christ.

Whether you’ve dated five people casually, two people seriously, or have never had a crush (which is astounding!) is irrelevant. I’ve known people who have jumped from boy/girlfriend to boy/girlfriend, and have become so emotionally attached to each that every end is heartbreak; I’ve known people who date just as much, but stay emotionally distant. I’ve also known the “perpetual single” people–some who shrug off being single like any other commonplace thing, and some who obsess over their relationship status like it was the oxygen in their lungs.

All this to say that we cannot compare our relationship tendencies with one another, and expect clarity. We can, however, compare our relationship tendencies with what Jesus asks of us, leads us towards, and keeps us from.

So it is dangerous to say that if someone dates, if they “give away” their heart (or use it romantically), they are quantitatively less “whole”–or, if I may, less “pure”?–than someone who doesn’t. It is equally dangerous to say that if you have never dated, that you are automatically safer from emotional baggage.

The “pieces of your heart” idea is something I find illogical for just that reason–who’s to say what becomes of my heart but myself and the Lord? This is not meant to be defensive–but I am very wary of theories or formulas which expect all people to be the same in comparison. This theory is a good thing in the sense that it helps restrain us from pursuing a marriage relationship outside of the marriage covenant. Yet it cannot apply to everyone, in every situation. Guard your hearts from unnecessary pain, yes. But don’t quantify something so subjective, and then worry about falling short of the rules.

Great thoughts on grace and the gospel in relationships and all of life.

I think the point is to not get to legalistic about all this. There are no “rules,” just the laws and convictions God has placed in each of our hearts. We’re all different, and that’s the beauty of God’s creations.

As for me, I value purity on a s*xual and emotional level–and in my thoughts. This is very near impossible, and I’ve failed in a few areas, but that doesn’t mean I don’t make an effort to be pure in all those areas. I guess that for me, it’s very hard to let anyone else into my life and tell them things. I really don’t want to have to do that more than once, and I think it would crush me if I did and my trust was broken.

All that to say, for me personally as me and maybe only me, I choose to be careful of who I tell things to and would rather not enter a romantic relationship if I wasn’t pretty doggone certain that I’d end up marrying the guy. That’s who I am, and I’m sure many of you are different. God made us all unique, and that’s totally cool. How boring would it be if everyone’s heart looked the same and every love story was told the same way?

Wonderful! I know this is an old topic, but I just now read it, and have to say, I agree with what you say! You put it well! There is a danger of starting a relationship with the mentality of “I’ve GOT to make this work”, because when/if that relationship ends, it can be as painful as divorce. The time to break up IS before marriage. Not to say, I embrace the dating and casual “trying on for size” method.In fact I’m quite convinced that you should only enter into a relationship because you believe that He is leading you both towards marriage. But remembering that a human’s understanding of God’s will is limited at times.

Anna-
That was exactly what I needed to hear just now. Exactly.
Thank you.

Sarah.

Hi Anna,
Can you email me? I have a question regarding publishing/reprinting this piece or a part thereof on the YLCF
Blessings,
Natalie
http://www.ylcf.org